Frankly My Dear
🕭 Ting-Ting 🕭
🕭 Ting-Ting 🕭
The menacing sound of the evil calling bell penetrated deep into my sleep, shaking the very roots of my dreamverse. From the collapsing ruins of my ethereal nightmare I rose. Literally I rose.
Who in their right mind would wake a software engineer on a Sunday!! At 10 A.M. in the morning!! On a SUNDAY!! The universal day of sleep. At least my day of sleep.!
Thus began my misery.
After staring at a 15 inch brightly lit LCD screen for 15 hours straight, sweet embrace of sleep is heaven. Now every step I take, is towards hell for me.
Eyes burning from just 3 hours of sleep.
I HEARD YOU AND I AM COMING TO KILL YOUUUUU…
With steam coming off my ears and eyes burning red, stretching my non-existent patience to the edge of a razor, I yanked the door open.
God in his immense wisdom put forth the most insane test for me.
First came the blinding light.
Then a figure of 5’6″ materialized in front of me.
It’s my EX. Of the 7ish billion people on our blue home, it had to be my ex????
What did I do to deserve this punishment reserved for hell??
Mind you, we parted as amicable as North and South Korea. ⚡⚡
I think it’s 4 months since we last spoke. That was a pretty good scene for the audience, which included my boss.
Back to the present, I think I zoned out a bit on seeing her.
Stunned I guess!
I just stared at her.
Well, now that I’m over her, I felt no anger.
Me: Dee! What a surprise!
She: Can I come in?
She: Need to talk.
She: Something important.
She: Yes. Now can I come in?
Me: There is no us.
She: Fine. It concerns both you and me. And it is important.
There goes my Sunday when I moved to a side and let her in.
It is little nostalgic. Dee in my flat. On a weekend.
Except her hair, she hasn’t changed much..
I loved her hair when she puts it in a small knot and leaves it over her shoulder.
It is little longer and lot straight now. Something I prevented for quite some time.
I hate it. She loves it. Now she has straight hair.
After Dee left, I’ve changed too..
Joined gym. Switched company (That had to happen). Traveled a bit. Now I talk to parents daily. Connected with long-lost friends. Made new friends and acquaintances.
Things are really better.
Best part — SAVINGS. Something which wasn’t possible earlier..
Me: OK…. Now that you are in, will to tell me what this important things which concerns both of us.
She: I am getting married.
Me: Good for you. Also, it doesn’t concern me.
She: I need you to talk to my fiancé..
Are my ears working? Did I hear it right?
Me: You what me to do what??
She: I want you to talk to my fiancé.
She: I.. Want you to talk.. To my fiancé.
Me: Oooohhhkkkkk!! Why would I want to do that? I am pretty sure I care about neither of you.
She: It is complicated.
Me: Then don’t complicate it more. I don’t have anything to do with you.
And, if you are done, please leave..
She: Listen. He wants to talk to you.
Me: But I don’t want to.
She: He just wants to talk. It is important for me.
Me: Not important for me. Why would I even bother? Get married, don’t get married. Leave me out of it.
She: He just wants to talk about me.. Guy to guy…
Me: About You?? Why would I want to? I can’t make things any clear.. I do not want anything to do with you. The end!
She: Please… For the sake of old times.
Me: What old times? The time when you humiliated me in front of colleagues which forced me to quit that job? The time you embarrassed me in front of my parents? Which times? And what should I talk about you to your fiance?
She: He just wants you to confirm that you are off my life and never to bother us.. Just that much.
Me: Aren’t you listening? I don’t want anything to do with you. Not now. Not in future. Not even my next life.
She: Just tell him that.
Me: You are driving me crazy. Please leave now. And never come back.
FYI ‘You are off my life. Forever.’ That’s it. I said it. Now leave.
She: Tell the same thing to him. Simple.*winky smile*
If I were a pressure cooker, I would be probably comically steaming right now.
In a real world, toned down equivalent, I blew out a longggg breath out flaring my nostrils in frustration.
Me: Why do I care? Why would I bother to do anything for you?? Why should I do something. Nothing personal now. I am not trying to stick to you. Just leave me the way I am. I am not going anywhere. Understood??
She: Yes. You do not go anywhere. I asked him to come here directly.
Me: You did what?? Are you out of your mind?? GET OUT!!
She: What?? What did you say?
Me: You heard it right. Get. Out. Enough of my time is wasted because of you. Every second spent more for you is a sin and its suffering bundled together. There was a time when I would’ve fought the world for you. Now, you are nothing for me. Don’t try to barge in again. Don’t test my patience anym….
It must be him.
Me: Good. Now both of you shove off!! I can’t be more clear. And I don’t want to lose my temper anymore. Just leave.
There I stood in my pjs pointing at the door with an expression which would’ve earn me a serious look from my parents when Dee started to cry.
With patience running in negative, frustration in KiloTons and my sleep in distant past, I tried to open the door with all my anger and banged my hand on it.
//include a couple of classy expletives of my choice.//
Oh just great!!
//include couple more classy expletives. Little louder this time//
Why God?? Why me? I ended up meekly opening the door with a pained expression on my face.
I might have looked pretty weird because the guy at the looked really surprised.
Him: Hi. I am looking for…
He saw Dee crying and stopped speaking.
I don’t know what’s the expression on his face.This dude is at least half a feet taller than me. Looks like he has spent lots of time pumping iron. With his confused expression he mumbled something. Kinda reminds me of Johnny Bravo.
It was a triangle. Trio of expressions.
Dee — Crying (Clearly faking)
He — Embarrassed and confused.
Me — A mix of Pain+Anger+Hopelessness.
With sleep nowhere in sight, I decided to do let me senseless self run the show.
Me: Ok.. Let’s end this thing now. Hello, my name is Not Important. She is my ex. I am over her completely. Until a while ago she was forgotten completely.
Now, if you both leave, she will be forgotten again forever. Thank you. Adios.
Never come here ever again.
I grabbed Dee by her arm and guided her out as gently as humanly possible for me.
Both Dee and the Dude looked horrified. And, that’s the last thing I saw on their faces before I slammed the door.
Peace!! Finally! Sweet silence is angelic music to my ears.
It sounded like glass shattering somewhere inside me.
Wow! You are really testing me today!
Okay God. I bow to your Almighty power.
Your cosmic comic sense is clinically crushing my crude life into cowering curl of cute Chihuahua.
Now I am truly defeated.
With the remaining life force leaving me at Mach speeds, I opened the door feeling like a mush jelly.
Dee, with an eye roll, still stood there. The dude is missing.
She: You are one giant doofus.
Me: *dead pan stare*
Me: *dead pan stare*
I look up to the heavens, silently cursing my fate.
Why God? Why?
Now, another dude appears my on the corridor. Grinning like an idiot, waving his hand to get Dee’s attention. This is the guy probably!
New Him: HEEYYY Babeee!!
That’s one girly squeal for a guy. The guy is as tall as I am. Expensive watch. Expensive shades. Expensive loafers. God! Is he here to show off? Or is she showing him off??
So, this guy saunters towards us like it is some pub and he is trying to remember a dance move he practiced. Holds Dee by the small of her back and extends his hand towards me.
New Him: ‘Hey Bro, how are ya?’
Arrogance?? Disdain?? Fakish accent???
Before I could react, he continues talking,
New Him: I am Jay, Dee’s future husband. You must be.. Aah.. Sorry bro, forgot your name.
That’s it. I am putting an end to this nonsensical charade right now.
Me : “Dee, I can’t live without you. You are the apple of my life. Love of my eye. I would burn the entire world if means I could be with you. I love you with all my heart Dee”
I just grabbed the stunned Dee by her neck, pulled her towards me and planted a deep wet one right on those red cherries. When I am done, The expression on his face looks as if every version of him in all alternate universes are shocked and scarred for life.
And, before Dee could react, I turned back, slammed the door on the stumped couple.
Wait.. I am not done yet. There is one last thing I have to do.
That damned calling bell.
That little piece of hell in my room.
I yanked the dangling wires connected to it…
As I walked to my bed, one thought flashed across my mind.
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”
Now I am truly over you
Originally published at unevenroad.com on October 17, 2015.