Random Rant
This is where I go to dump all of my thoughts; well at least some of them. Right now I am sitting on my back porch and find myself again in complete awe of how fricken crazy awesome this life is. I find myself in this state a lot; this state of awe. A state of being taken back by the immense beauty that surroundes us every day. When we forget, life has cool ways of showing us again.
Little by little the universe is beginning to show me a bit more of what actually matters in life, to me. Little by little I am meeting more of myself for the first time every day. One thing I cherish about myself is that I love to get to know me, more. I am not scared of facing myself, my angels and my demons. I think I am a mess of a masterpeice. People are incredible and I will spend my life cherishing them.
INSTAGRAM RANT
I’ve noticed how much of a deep resentment I have toward Instagram. I know Instagram can be used for amazing things such as sharing stories with people across the world that makes us feel alive and showcasing our talents or presenting pictures of this crazy beautiful life that lights up our eyes when we see them. I love how the internet allows us these opporutnies to reach out and share. But I also know the feelings in me sometimes when I am on instagram. I feel insecure about my body, my talent and my life. My life isnt as exciting as that. My body isnt that good. Im not talented like that. I dont write stories that well. I dont meaure up to be that successful. Im just not THAT good.
My best foot forward to society via social media isn’t that great. Sometimes, it makes me feel like I have nothing to offer.
Now I’ve tried and keep trying to get to the root of this issue in my heart. I know it goes way beyond social media and i’ve gone on a 6 month social media fast before. I don’t check my apps before i sleep or when i wake up.
Yet it still has a huge influence in my life. That’s all I can say about that.
THIS YEAR RANT
This year has simply been crazy for me. I have no idea what I’m talented at or even what I want to be good at. I don’t know what type of career I want or where I want to live this year. I don’t know if I want to finish college in my hometown or quit and move across the country. I dont know whether or not i want to live in a big city or spend a couple of years doing mission work across the poorest cities in the world. I kind of want to do both!
I’m unsure of a lot of things but what I can say is that I’m sure I don’t want to hold myself back from living a life that I have dreamt about since I was a little girl. Sometimes those visons come back to me then slip away in the mundane of life just as easily.
You see, I grew up with incredible parents. They always loved me, supported me and took care of me. But I also grew up seeing them not love each other and really not love themselves. I grew up seeing what it was like to neglect yourself and hold yourself back from having the life you dream of.
And I think that’s where social media touches a soft spot for me because it’s as if I am seeing everyone else living the life they dream of, to some degree, and I’m not.
If you were to ask me what I was good at, I couldn’t tell you.
But I’m willing to find out and have some fun along the way.
