If it be Your will…

“If it be Your will.” This phrase binds us, tethering us to the unknown, the uncontrollable. It ties us tight to Trust and assaults our naturally creative inclination. Everything that has ever been or ever will be begins as the invisible. It has been this way since the dawn of creation. God Himself creates this way, and has bestowed upon us this same power of transmutation as co-creators of this world with Him.

First the thought, then the plan, then the Word. Existence! “Let Us make…” All things begin as thoughts which extend, absorbing material being from the earth through the vehicles of human hand and mind to become matter itself. Creation! “And behold, it was very good…” Until we utter this phrase; “if it be Your will.”

At that moment the co-creative fire of the human mind smolders, cooling… waiting for approval to proceed. Doubts flood in, confidence becomes irrelevant, attitudes irreverent. Waiting. “Formless and void…” Non-action driven by an appeal to higher Authority, unanswered.

The faithful that have wrestled with Jacob’s Angel before and won the blessing advise; “Wait actively, expectantly, assumptively” and other “lys” that draw us back to fan the creative coals despite the hovering question. To them I ask, “has God ever told you no?” Has God ever told you that He, Himself was circumscribing your efforts? Has God ever said to you,

“Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further: and here shall thy proud waves be stayed” — Job 38:11

What answer can I give in reply to the Silence but Job’s own:

“I am unworthy-how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer, twice, but I will say no more.” — Job 40:4

There is a certain sacrifice of faith that no one understands that has not made it themselves. It is the sacrifice of stillness, of obedient surrender to God’s will.

In dog training there is a test called the ‘long sit’ where the dog is given a command and the handler walks away. True obedience occurs when, for example, a rabbit runs through the field during the sit. Everything in the dog wants to get that rabbit, but he obeys the command of his master above the inclination of his instinct.

Despite what skills, talents, abilities that may be yours or mine through nature or divine gift, we sit. Disregarding the greatness that is embedded in each one of us, setting these aside for something greater, which seems to tarry forever in it’s coming, we sit. It is a very, very long sit it seems. Despite the cajoles of the well meaning and the encouragements of others we lay down the obvious path (the rabbit) for the esoteric reward of the obscure and unknown (obedience).

There is nothing like the exquisite pain of this continual surrendering.

If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before

I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will

If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you

From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing — Leonard Cohen

I know an old quote, which I’m sure to be quoting wrong, but I say it to myself more often than I ought, “Is this of Thee dear Lord? If it is of Thee then I accept.”

Each of us has dreams unfulfilled. It is the char of broken dreams that fuels the creative fires of tomorrows possibilities. Unfulfilled dreams are the glowing embers of the fire that forges us. Unfulfilled dreams are not the problem. The problem is the unanswered question.

Imagine David choosing not to kill Goliath because he felt the Lord saying no. Imagine Moshe leaving Israel in the wilderness to go off on his own instead of interceding with God on their behalf. Imagine Paul continuing to persecute those of the Way. Imagine all of these happening because each of these people were waiting on an answer for the burning questions in their hearts. Where would we be without these great acts? And where would these greats acts be with the actors strapped down by the invisible cords of unanswered questions?

The definitive spark that underpins each of these stories is the known will of God. But, even in that knowing there were questions, times of doubt, times of indecision, times of questioning. But there was an overall direction to follow. The vision and the mission was in place, it was the ‘how’ that was more in question than the what.

So, what are we to do who are burdened with the the great “If”? It doesn’t carry well. The question is awkward and unbalanced and like Sisyphus’ stone it tends to keep slipping back down the hill just as we approach an answer.

It seems to me that the solution is to forget the question altogether. Now, I am not suggesting that we not seek and follow God’s will in any matter. However, there appear to be times when God wants us to choose for ourselves and then He will respond. It seems to me that it is in these times where we get stuck.

Avoiding the advice to “wait actively, expectantly” etc. which still keeps us waiting I think instead we should look to the Word. Is what we want to do in the Word? And I don’t mean loosely, I mean is it squarely found in the pages of the Bible and preferably in more than one spot? This should be the first and obvious test. If what we want to do does not pass this test then it is safe to say that it is not of God in most cases (but not all).

The second test is this, can you see clear and obvious benefit to humankind through your words, thoughts and deeds surrounding what you want to do? For example, does it help the church, does it help those that are not in relationship with Christ? Does it help the poor, the homeless, the widow, the orphan etc. Is it clearly within the scope of those that God tells us to help and does it help materially, emotionally or spiritually?

And the last test is this. Does it align with your gifts? Are you suited to either do the task yourself or get others to do it? Not all ministries are direct, there is a great power in aligning others to do good that they did not see clearly to do before.

If it meets these things, then by all means go ahead, but do so with an ear up to heaven. Listen for guidance, either yes or no. It may be that what you want to do passes all tests and your heart burns to do it but the answer is still no. In these cases you’ll have to make your own choice.

For me, I got a big No. I chose to follow that no, to agree with it. It hurts to be obedient to that command, but I am. But, that no has opened up other yeses in my life that I think would have been otherwise closed. But, I am coming now to the stage of my life where I think I finally believe that no is really going to be “no” and not just “wait” or “not yet.”

The pain of that is mine to bear. The sting of loss swirled with the knowledge of obedience. It doesn’t bother me too much on most days but then sometimes I see people I knew when I was still on the other path and they ask questions, or have their own successes in that other life, or wonder “so, what are you doing these days” and those sting and quite deeply at times.

But, perhaps you will not get a no. Perhaps yours will only be God waiting for you to move so He can move through you. And that is my prayer for you, my prayer for the “stuck.”

Dear Lord, let them move in You that You may move through them

Let Your light shine through each step taken in Trust

And let their hearts and ears be open to hear your Words, “this is the way” or “turn aside” or even “stop.”

And dear Lord, if you tell this one no, please tell them why so that they do not feel washed up before they’re ever worn. This is the hardest thing to bear. A no without a why is a question that the heart cannot easily release.

And if they need only to step out, help them to step out with boldness on the outside and a heart of flesh inside… No is a terrible stone to bear, but one that we can bear if you will help us bear it.