How does an intellectual smoke?

• It’s 3 pm of a cloudy day, sitting alone in an empty room and waiting for my analysis results. I feel so cold, maybe because of stress, maybe because of my doubtful mind. What to do but smoking ? Taking out a cigarette and breathing this aromatic air that gives me back my confidence, my feeling of having everything under control ? But i don’t smoke. My father does, i’ve been watching him for more than 20 years smoking, at least a pack every single day. I’ve tasted it without ever put it in my lips.

The doctor called me, the first question was : Do you do sport ? from time to time. How many girl did u sleep with ? Well, i don’t remember. Do you smoke ? No ! after some days, i understood the purpose of that question, smoking may affect the fertility of man, and colores in red the spermogram.

That situation had worried my mind. Why do we smoke ? Is it because it’s sophisticated and classy ? Even people with a high level of conscientiousness, intellectuals ( like my father ), writers, scientists … even teachers who are the example of young people ? Why ? I’ve read that Marx, the creator of a new religion, have had the problem of smoking. During the long hours of work at night, he needed something to be his companion in lonelyness. And what was better than a cigarette ! Smoke replace the office’s air, with all those papers and books, pure intellectualism. But what’s the relation ? I’ve read also the story of Freud, the one who discovered the real structure of human’s souls, and tobacco. Having more than 30 cancer surgeries, and not being able to quit. Even trying self-analysis but in vain. He was sure that his productivity will decrease if he stops smoking. But why ? I’ve looked for it in Sartre’s philosophy, the one who cannot discuss without a cigarette between fingers. Even Camus, that athlete and seducer couldn’t throw it out. Hannah Arendt, Rosa luxemberg, even the first lady Simone de Beauvoir, smoking became a part of their daily activities, those woman who beated men in their own fields. Was it necessary to smoke ?

I’ve found the answer when i asked my father. Before he answered me, took out one cigarette from his pocket, and clearly put it in his mouth and burn its head, after the first respire he said :

“ Now i feel ready to think. Why cigarette ? It’s a symbolic act, but that act become a part of your life after a while. Especially that moment when you feel like you’re the hero of a movie. When you are waiting for someone, like if god is watching only you. Or when you start working or thinking of a problem, or even when you discuss or read. Cigarette is like machism, it was created by history. And history creates the meaning of acts, the symbols. You cannot change history, neither your habit. The only solution you have is to smoke. “

I asked him in an innocent tone, “ Am i permitted to smoke now i’m a young man ? “, he replied easily :

“ Of course. But only if you feel you are in the level of that symbolic act. To do like an intelletual, you need to be one. However, if your act doesn’t translate your real self, your image will be sterile. And you’ll be just another stupid addicted boy trying to be what he’s not. An intellectual smokes with consciousness “.

The thing i’m sure of, is that i am not really in that level of the act, and so i don’t deserve the pure meaning of the cigarette. Waiting for the day i will be ready for it, i’ll keep up my habit of training 3 times per week, something i’ve been doing for almost 10 years now, and i will be doing it the next 10years, even if i start smoking !