Allow Me to Introduce Myself, My Name is Scapegoat.

Let’s make a shield for vulnerable populations

I am working on documenting the language games used by all bullies.

All bullies consolidate the dominant discourse.
The Cassandra metaphor (variously labelled the Cassandrasyndrome’, ‘complex’, ‘phenomenon’, ‘predicament’, ‘dilemma’, or ‘curse’) occurs when valid warnings or concerns are dismissed or disbelieved.

“Physical and emotional bullying allows someone to assert domination despite an intellectual advantage in some arena. That’s why they have to be hurtful… It oppresses their perceived threat’s ability to think rationally and gain the upper hand.”

Having been bullied quite a lot, I would like to point out some of the patterns that enable abusers to re-victimize, even as everyone knows of past abuse and does nothing about it.

One bullying pattern I have discerned is based in the sexist belief that men are encouraged to make messes and women are supposed to clean up after everyone else.

It is absolute mental rot.

As one guy friend pointed out, “No one ever gives me shit for my room being dirty.”

Yet, as a woman, I have been repeatedly and violently bullied — on false mendacious pretexts — and literally treated like a maid, by several people who come from far, far more privileged backgrounds.

Fabienne Octobre, Michel Amathieu, Céline Obadia, and Elana Brody all used fictions of this nature in their efforts to psychologically break me, dominate me, and attack my character.

The problem is that I am a clean person, I like to clean.

Growing up, while my brother played legos I was paid to clean my family’s house, my aunt’s house, and a house she rented.

I was a professional house cleaner, and cleaned well enough to be paid for it.

I would like to wager than none of these individuals has ever been paid to clean an entire house.

It just so happens that if women are expected to also earn a living at 77 cents to what men make, their time is shorter, and as ever, they are overburdened by more work.

Women are simply considered more apt to clean and take care of children, both of which are hard work.

What I would like to suggest is that whether I was a “good maid” for these “superior” individuals or not is irrelevant — I was being bullied along class lines.

Such prejudices uphold a system that keeps half of the entire world population in poverty.

the classical basis of civilization: the master/slave dialectic

works perfectly with capitalism and modern right wing political rhetoric and justifies the greedy fucking the entire planet.

They have the right to treat everyone like shit, and to victimize on such a large scale simply because prejudice allows them to hold a superior station.

The wealthy are respected and the poor are degraded.

It’s about the prejudices that allow a select few to look down on billions in poverty.

  1. Everything is your fault if you are a victim, if you are poor, if you are a woman. Everything is always your fault. If you were raped, your fault. You were being dumb. You should have expected it, and been able to thwart it.
  2. If people do not care about you being repeatedly victimized, they will also punish you for it.

Men purposely choose victims from vulnerable populations to abuse because prejudices will work to enable them.

To my knowledge, rape is the most violent form of bullying that exists. It doesn’t get more violent. And it is a way that men express their sense of entitlement; it is about power.

A sampling of the vicious circle in which I am blamed for all of my suffering, culpabilized for it, which enables my family to feel neither empathy nor guilt, and enables them to just continue to victim-blame

It’s either silent treatment or an avalanche of hateful, prejudiced statements that I can only conclude are meant to punish and emotionally break me: on my own, applying to jobs, art modeling, struggling daily, I have no stable place to stay and don’t have a lot of support.

“you have burned every bridge in the family begging for money never holding a job down for more than a week due to your feminazism, I am constantly employed and buried in bills i literally have spent my check on them by the time i get it. The folks have bailed you out time and time again. I’m sad to read your vitriolic shit once again.”

This individual’s student loans were paid off by the family, month after month, year after year. He also had free room and board after he flunked out of school. I did not benefit from any of those things, instead I graduated with a 3.63 gpa and was punished in his place. He also was bailed out after a several thousand dollar bender in Europe. Here is a non exhaustive list of jobs I have quit because of finding better ones, or left at the end of the contact:

Jobs I held for more than a year
-Babysitting for Glyn/Tom (12 yrs)
-Babysitting for Shepherd Family (3 yrs)
-Babysitting for other families it is not worth listing out all of them…
-Tressler, Soderstrom, Maloney, & Priess (approx 1.5 yrs: left for college)
-Server/busser at 24 East Asian Bistro
-Server at Thipi Thai
-English Teacher in France (2 yrs)
-English Tutor in France (more than a year)

Other jobs I worked the contract duration or quit because I had other work or opportunities
-Agassiz Village Summer Camp
-Before and After Care at Winfield Community Center
-Barnes & Noble (once as cashier, once as barista)
-Linderman and Fairchild Martindale Libraries
-Conference Services at Lehigh
-Au Pair/Nounou in France
-Gino’s East

Etc etc etc

But my mother and the rest of my family constantly claim that I am not able to hold down any jobs, which is just not true. This past year, I held three jobs in public schools and worked for four families the entire year. So this fiction about me getting fired from so many jobs is just one more extreme, hateful effort to psychologically break me and win every argument through violence, and to convince me there is something wrong with me, when in fact there is not.

“I am literally your worst adversary probably. I dont have any degrees but tens of thousands of dollars of debt from trying. I work hard skilled labor jobs for around 30000 a year slave status.I dont get shit fuckin break to dick around on fb or in france on someone else’s dime. you got your multiple liberal arts degrees no? You were privileged enough to complete the high level educations i couldnt. shut the fuck up about mcdonalds and get ur ass into congress like your former shoolmates dipshit”

Oh yes, I forgot, as if being raped more times than I would ever wish to talk about were not a legitimate setback, I should be elected to Congress right now, of course.

“But your family offered to bring u home a month ago?? But it wasn’t on your terms. Noooo u want to go to New York City where u also have no job or money instead of come home to Chicago and get help. I’m so sick of these posts. It’s no one’s fault but your own that you are in this position right now.”
translation: everything is your fault, your life is on our terms, or else: we will psychologically break you, and continue to engage you only with hate, and will never provide ANY emotional support whatsoever, even if the conditions of your life are dangerous, difficult, and we will normalize the physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse you have suffered.

“…stop asking for help and do it on your own! Good luck!”
translation: you do not deserve the resources necessary to survival and we enjoy causing you to fail and seeing you beat down, which we engage in too.

“why do you think it’s ok to stay with people?”
translation: you deserve to be on the street, or worse

Hate, mockery, & repeat. Another family member refused to communicate at all for months except to send craigslist ads, which made it clear that I am only a dollar sign to them.


“On both sides of my family, in my grandparents’ generations and before, there were servants. There were slaves. That is a reality in my mind.”

“I have been known to let homeless people stay with me. I have observed patterns,” she says, then throughout our conversations during the day, several times she attempts to convince me I am or will be homeless

Therefore, the reason she did not wish to allow me to change my clothes or be in contact over the period October 30-November 8 is that she preferred to consider me as “homeless” instead of as a “friend”

She wanted me to be homeless, and even made it clear that she felt I deserved no better.

“What I do take responsibility for and feel bad for is not contacting you. It was deliberate and it hurt.”

“Get a mentor”

“You can find a job as a social worker.”

“Do the dishes”

“I did not pay the gas bill so that’s why it got turned off”

“You can come back and clean the windows”

Upon seeing this friend again, I re-emphasized that I had expressed the wish to “talk,” and “to catch up” and was denied.

Ultimately, she admitted that she did not make any initiative to get in touch, and that she did feel it was deliberate and hurtful to the extent that it even hurt her to do it.

She said she felt I was being a bitch about the heat and the gas not working, and that’s why she did not get in touch.

I did not have any explanation and could not afford to eat out: I had bought food to cook and could not cook it and was effectively check-mated.

Was I being a bitch expressing the fact that I simply could not afford to eat if there was no way to cook?

Is it rude to tell your friend if you are cold because the heat is not on when it is freezing outside?

When I showed up to give her her keys when she was locked out of her apartment, I felt she looked at me like a minority servant or a slave. Almost like being invisible, but just being less, less of a person, not on equal footing in any sense of the expression.

I offered to help her clean her kitchen and she put me to work on the dishes. I threatened to go on strike but we talked me into my place. I did all the dishes in the sink and scrubbed it out, not really comfortable.

Should I really be doing the dishes of someone who considers me “below” them? She did not feel the need to be considerate of me changing my clothes or having access to my personal belongings, so should I continue this pattern of being less than, lower, subservient?

I felt two things were happening

  1. I felt I was being blamed for her guilt about her cruelty (ie she did not tell me she did not pay the gas bill, but I was being “a bitch” for being upset I could not cook food I had bought because I could not afford to eat out).
  2. I was being spoken down to, at every moment. This “friend” felt comfortable scrutinizing everything she felt was wrong with me, down to writing about my trauma, “that it is about me” when really I wish to be a shield for women too abused, endangered, silenced, too invisible, too marginal, too minority to be able to speak out.

The master/slave dialectic was playing out the entire time and this “friend” felt herself superior to me and in a position to tell me what to do.

What is important to understand is that I could not win in the situation. I was of a different class and was spoken down to at every moment.

Best Insults 2015/16

A dear French friend explained to me that when things are not going well, people choose a nonaggressive person to attack and take out all their stress, rage, and frustration on that person. The reason that a nonaggressive person is necessary is that otherwise they would risk physical aggression or even death.

By attacking a nonaggressive person, they ensure their own physical safety when they need to blow some steam.

“You give the impression that you’re not serious”

“Feminist swill”

“stop being the victim of society.”
I have never wished to identify as a victim, and make a point not to, but that does not stop other people from aggressively naming me a victim

“I can’t save you”

“Fais-toi aider (Get help)”- sarcastic and implying just like so many others that I am “crazy,” and this from a person who claims to be a feminist, just spitting out the most misogynistic clichés imaginable

“More prescription, less description”

“Jordyn, I know you won’t take this well, but you must see a shrink (Jordyn je sais que tu va le prendre mal, mais il te faut un psy).”

“…this is becoming very unsettling, from a psychological perspective (…ça devient très inquiétant, d’un point de vue psychiatrique.”

“Je ne peux pas vous aider (I can’t help you)” or “You don’t exist [unless you pay money…]”
Someone whose job it is to help claiming they can’t is in fact an insult

despite the fact that I am one of the least aggressive persons on earth, and one of the shyest, French feminists hurled this one on me without any explanation or proof

“Most people who are affected by poverty aren’t whining about Starbucks in Paris or relying on GoFundMe to get a masters. Those are privileged problems.”
actually I arrived in Paris with no money this year, and have struggled with poverty for years because the jobs I have worked in France — which were the only work I could earn money with legally — provided monthly income well-below the poverty line, this coming from Morgan Given, who somehow afforded law school…

Insults specifically in response to my efforts to implement a recycling program in a Paris dorm
“Zinzin” “Putain de merde” “Conne”
-the gamut of serious French insults

“j’aurais foutu mon poing dans ta gueule (I would have fucked up your face with my fist).” and “C’est pas une menace c’est une promesse (it’s not a threat it’s a promise).”
-Jennifer Pozzo

“Réveille toi Jordyn! J ne suis pas ton père pour te faire la leçon mais ouvre les yeux! Avant que tu partes tu dois comprendre!
Comprendre que tu fou la merde de partout. Et qu’au final:
Les habits sont à l poubelle, les résidents n’aiment pas ce que tu fais et que tu as insulté des gens!!
C’est grave d’insulter de gens! C’est mal! Ça ne se fait pas en France!” “It’s serious to insult people. That is not done in France.” and “une des residences de pitié n’ont pas de porte d’entrée (cassée), des dealers de drogues qui squattent .. Une autre résidence on des murs pourris avec des champignons dans les chambres, Dans une autre résidence il y avait 2 terroristes et du trafic d’arme…”
 “one of the worst student dorms [in Paris] doesn’t have a front door (it’s broken), there are drug dealers using it as a squat..Another residence has rotten walls with mushrooms growing in the rooms, In another student dorm there were two terrorists and gun sales…”

These words are from a person paid to represent students in the dorm where I lived, the student representative. I never insulted any person: I only said it was ridiculous not to recycle in a university dorm when France literally hosted the largest environmental conference in history, and it is ridiculous, in fact, I stand by my assertion.

More from other residents of the student dorm:
“It’s not about that who speaks, but what he/she says. If you speak illogical things nobody will listen you no metter which gender you are or how important you are. And here the thing is not that you are woman, but that your attitude is not appropirate. And instead of answering directly and facing with reality and your actions, you are turning the tables on us.”
“You also stop with your smears and insults toward others. Stop writing just to write. Even in your cover photo , you sleep on carbage. Isnt it true ? Why your photo isnt taken down?, good luck with your carbages.”
“Jordyn Pfalzgraf, I have an impression that you seek for attention and leadership here in the group, and not really only for recycling, because you are terrorizing us with your non-stop commenting, sharing personal life and insulting others. I come here to find useful, short news, not to read your timeline of shopping.
People are putting garbage and skin of banana (dangerous) in corridor, what kind of recycling you expect then and you attack everybody who says something different than your opinion.”
“I agree with Jovana Filipović, we dont have to see your arrogant and agressive comments. Jordyn Pfalzgraf Who are you to speak in a such way with people ? You can sleep in rubbish can if you like so much your beloved rubbish. ;)”

This is me with at least 10 bags of recycling. The “carbage” and “sleep with trash” comments are hate speech in response to photos of my trips to the recycling center.

“Va jouer les femens autre part et arrête de pleurnicher stp”

Things I Took For Granted Before Living in Solitary Confinement

Life in the Paris ghetto

It would be 9 P.M. Time for a run. I’d get ready and remember talks with fellow inmates.

“Go outside! You?! Alone?! Girl, it’s 9 P.M. it is not safe! Don’t do it. No way, girl DO NOT go out there alone at this hour.”

I would always weigh it in my head. Were they just being overprotective? Was it ok to go outside alone at 9 P.M.? I would be oppressed by the usual questions, but I would always want to go for a run at that time.

A few times I went. And every time I regretted it. Any time I went for a run in my never hood, it felt so overrun by the toxicity of poverty that I felt worse than when I left. My legs turned to cottage cheese in 7 months. Before I was ghetto-ized, I was in the best shape of my life.

Why why why you ask, why???????!!!! Because my street was The Black Market. The same street that the biggest flea market on earth bursts out from. You could buy anything there. Napoleon’s penis and Pompadour’s greatest portraits. Iphones, designer brands, corsets from the 1800s like new, a Renoir or hand painted party trays that I would have bought if I had a thousand euros. All the books. Used suitcases that were stolen straight off the baggage claim. And also, flesh. In the same block radius there is prostitution.

The Paris high speedway (la Périphérique) is less than 30 seconds away too, so it is an ideal spot for any crazy shit to go down.

It is also worth noting that going outside in daytime hours was dangerous as fuck, also.

Here is an excerpt of something I wrote on July 24th about this.

The Way [Some] Men in My Neighborhood Occupy Public Space

‘WE’RE DRUNK BUT IT’S NOT A PROBLEM” a group of men shout *in my ears* when we are walking different directions on the sidewalk.

“MADEMOISELLE, MADEMOISELLE!” *grabs my arm* this time it’s two men and I respond “please don’t touch me,” and the men continue to harass me. I am lucky that my body language tells them to cut it the fuck out because they purposely postured in such a way as to grab and trap me.

But men obstructing my way, attempting to physically intimidate me and force their will, to express their sense that they are entitled to my time, a smile, a conversation, to threaten me with their superior strength and size is an every fucking day phenomenon.

I have to deal with men getting in my face, shouting, calling after me. Following me to where I am staying and shouting through the windows, feeling completely entitled to harass me in this way. Grabbing my arm or wrist and trying to pull or force me to do what they want.

I always feel so jaded seeing new arrivals from the USA speak openly to strangers in Paris, because I am so used to every pretext imaginable being used to force interactions, for men to tell me they wish to have sex with me, I have been mistreated so much that I am traumatized: to respond to any strangers entails danger, in the past months it has been a justification for further harassment and torment.

Apart from being able to go outside alone, another thing I had taken for granted before was social contact.

Living in the residence, day in and day out, I almost never saw anyone. Once I realized a guy who negged me really hard had a sister who lived on my floor and she made me dinner once. That was the only time I shared a meal with other residents in my building (but I ate the meal alone, as usual).

Finally, some other people who had the same job became friends with me. They were the best. Sometimes we would go outside together.

The other thing I missed a lot and took for granted before was recycling. There is no recycling at Francis de Croisset and I would take an hour of time to periodically go to the recycling center, with bags and bags of recyclables. I would savor looking like a homeless person, because there was a serious economic degradation thing happening this year.

But you know what else are the French gonna do besides put all the foreigners in poor, crime-ridden ghettos. That’s just what they do.

The Worst Kind of Misogyny

“More prescription, less description”

Last December, a “feminist” started to bully and harass me by email, and as of August 22nd, she still had not stopped.

At one point, she wrote “Get help (Fais-toi aider)”

Let’s unpack that.

If she really cared about my psychological well-being, she would have asked, “are you ok?”

I honestly believe with all my heart that no person without knowledge of someone’s medical history should make any offhand comments about therapy or counseling, without first knowing if the person has sought therapy or help already, because otherwise these “get counselling” comments are not sincere and in fact used as an insult and breach of faith. They are comments made to hurt someone who is suffering and they are comments made in absolute bad faith.

If Marie Docher, this “feminist” had asked me if I was ok, had I sought therapy, I would have answered yes, I have asked to go to the centres d’écouteoffered by my employer. I have been trying to find therapy in France since November 2014, but at that time I did not have healthcare coverage, and at the time when she was attacking me, I still did not have my carte vitale (which meant that I could not afford a lot of healthcare out of pocket: a visit to a regular psychologist in France costs 50 euros minimum per visit).

I just want to make it clear that she did not say this out of concern, that it was a very violent effort to shatter my equanimity and to force me to doubt myself and the soundness of my mind.

Many others also used this strategy to pathologize me and neutralise my perspective:

“Jordyn, I know you won’t take this well, but you must see a shrink (Jordyn je sais que tu va le prendre mal, mais il te faut un psy).”

“More prescription, less description”

“Get counselling”

“…this is becoming very unsettling, from a psychological perspective (…ça devient très inquiétant, d’un point de vue psychiatrique.”

These are misogynistic microaggressions. They are not expressing care, but instead are comments meant to inflict pain and to neutralize.

One guy I was in love with used it as an alibi to disengage: he presented a speech on why I needed therapy without knowing that I had already been trying really hard to get therapy for months, in fact more than a year.

But also before that, my best friend used the strategy to dump me and ethically “clean her hands” of me so to speak. She too delivered a speech, a sermon and claimed that “things couldn’t get better until I made the effort to get therapy.”

I made every effort to find therapy in Paris and was denied it. I believed her words, and was let down miserably.

The issue is that we need a lot more sensitivity to what people who do suffer from psychological trauma and symptoms go through. There should be no sarcasm about these things, and most of all, it should not be permissible to make these comments in “coup de grace” style, to win an argument at all costs.

No one who is not a therapist or a psychologist should be out there prescibing anything.

Is it too much to ask for people to really care? To ask if a person who seems to be showing symptoms is ok, and if they feel they need help, do they have access to that help?

I was in contact with more than ten different organizations this year in Paris that supposedly provide therapy or can refer one to therapists, but wait times were between six weeks to three months, or I was not responded to, didn’t get a call back, was brushed off or dropped.

That was more psychically painful than everything else combined I think, to seek the help needed, to explain why over and over, but to be passed off and denied mental health care.

We need to make sure these comments are called out and that the people who say them are called out too for their textbook misogyny.

But at its base, psychology was created to pathologize women. So I suppose it should come at no surprise that people appropriate it ad nauseam to do just that. The problem though, is that when used as a way to win an argument these “bitch is crazy” remarks can leave a mark. They can emotionally violate and mutilate a woman. It’s an intentional way to psychologically break someone.

Worse, it is used to discredit victims.

urgent call for action and care:

on Wednesday I went to the Lenox Hill Emergency Room because seeing a guy I had blacked out and thus could not give consent (and by black out I mean I do not remember things, and had had enough drinks for that to be the case).

First, I was aggressively questioned. Not only that, but almost every single thing I said about what happened that night was invalidated.

My only wish in going to the ER was to discover if I had been drugged or not. A whole gamut of substances enable crimes and change one’s behavior drastically.

The medical staff refused to test me for the drugs I asked them to, and claimed those tests were not available, not there, not anywhere.

Instead of honoring me, my body, and my requests, the medical professionals present tested me for street drugs: Cocaine, PCP, Opiates, Marijuana, Amphetamines, Benzodiazepine, and Barbituates (all came back negative, if you were wondering, because I do not use street drugs, and never have).

In other words, instead of performing the required tests I had requested, they were potentially gathering evidence to be used against me, to discredit me and protect a person who had sex with me when I was blacked out.

I have reached out to media, “activists,” and friends, and about two people have shown any support, out of a few dozen. I find the treatment by media and friends more aberrant and shocking than the visit that was notable for the fact that I wished to “do what was right” — also as an exercise to see that exactly the protocol is for such situations, and found that I was degraded and sicked upon with insulting invalidation and discrediting tactics, by female “medical professionals”. I find their behavior extremely problematic, shocking, and offensive.

Being tested for Cocaine, PCP, Opiates, Marijuana, Amphetamines, Benzodiazepine, and Barbituates implied that they felt I was doing something wrong, and that they wished to punish me, and catch me.

Finally, tests for Methaqualone, (Qualudes), flunitrazepam (Rohypnol), and gamma hydroxybutyric (GHB) should be available at all hospitals, and women should be able to access such tests without being put on trail, period, no questions asked.

To be clear, the main issue is that my concerns, requests, and what had happened to me was not taken at all seriously, and I was invalidated. That is a very violent thing, from a psychological standpoint, I found the experience very troubling and creepy.

But more than that, it’s humiliating to be invalidated then forced to provide blood for several flagrantly irrelevant drug tests. Cocaine? I have never done Cocaine! Heroin? What the fuck.

It is possible to see every aspect of rape culture in this scenario: I was treated as the equivalent of a druggie or a junkie, when really my concerns should have been treated with legitimacy.

The worst that could have happened was a test coming back positive. But alas, the evidence was destroyed by rape apologists disguised as medical professionals.

I feel it is so inappropriate that I am being almost completely ignored while starting a conversation about something so important.

Attached is proof, if you don’t believe me.

Please. Do. Something.

Testing for Cocaine, PCP, Opiates, Marijuana, Amphetamines, Benzodiazepine, and Barbituates, some of which were wholly irrelevant.

Mauvaise Foi among “Activists,” “Friends,” Family, and “Professionals”

I am punished for their sins

“We want you to be safe”
Leave me destitute in a foreign country

“I can come and help you move.” / “I’ll buy [your] plane ticket.”
serial reneging

“I’m unstable and 19 and this triggers me” 
Actual response from radical feminist bookstore upon request to be put in touch with other activists who advocate for survivors of sexual violence

“I’m going to do some research and get back to you”

“I really care about you and I think we are perfect for one another”
uses me for sex, discards me

“Hello love. I promise I’m not ignoring you — just been swamped…I’ll get back to you in greater detail tomorrow. Stay strong.”
No response for 17 days and counting

“I am not sure if you will ever pay me back.”
I have paid her back in the past

Translation: who gives an actual fuck. no one. you are not important. your life is not worth $400. chattel

The above are from the space of two weeks. Here are some more.

“Honestly if I didn’t like you I wouldn’t say anything to you but because I care I thought I should tell you the truth. That’s what friends are for.”
I have been trying to find a therapist since November 2014, and when I ask this female friend to be supportive as I continue to search for the needed care (for experiences of sexual violence and trauma), this “friend” says to me “I’m not really looking to become someone’s accountability buddy”

“You can stay here in the fall semester.”

Avon, le 24 août 2015

Je, soussigné Renaud Oulié, locataire de l’appartement n°67 de la résidence La Châtelaine, sise au 1, place de la Gare, 77210 Avon, certifie héberger à titre gratuit Jordyn Pfalzgraf depuis le 01 juillet 2015.

Fait pour servir et pour valoir ce que de droit.

Renaud Oulié”

“Il faut vraiment arrêter de ressasser et passer à autre chose, ça devient très inquiétant, d’un point de vue psychiatrique.”

“C’est intéressant de voir aussi à quel rythme ton français se dégrade.”

They lied and though they said I could keep my things there no problem but put them on the balcony where they become wet from rain and humidity; after consolidating their sense of superiority by claiming I am a slob, when I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the shower with a toothbrush, participating in plenty of chores and also feeding Juan, buying groceries and drink based on his food preferences, just the nth experience of local bigoted, degrading lies in the Paris metropolitan area, a cliché of French styled sabotage and betrayal — I end up being forced to find another situation (see Céline Obadia example) in which I suffer even more violent degradation and perversion, this time at the hands of a Levallois-Perret croney

“of course I am interested” / “should I come visit you?” / “I would love to be in a bath with you” / “talk to you soon”
guy who led me on for five years

“I would love to be your date for the wedding.” x2
two different guys renege on being my date for my close friend’s wedding, which is probably the most humiliating thing that has happened to me

“It was I who requested to have an assistant de langue, so I am very personally invested in this”
bullies me constantly and finally, in front of all of her coworkers, whom she lied to in order to turn them against me, shouts at me, the assistante de langue, “YOU WILL NEVER ASSIST IN MY CLASS!” as if she were Donald Trump and had the authority to fire me, which she certainly did not (bravo bravo Madame Marest!)

“I would be able to provide you with therapy sessions but [do not want to]”
nth time I attempt to find therapy over a 20+ month period and am denied it by French “professionals”

“I will help you get health care.” And “I will take you on vacation.”
When I was an au pair, a fellow member of the feminist action group I was a part of offered to help me with the significant struggles I faced as an au pair. As I had never vacationed in France (apart from a school trips in 2006 and 2008), she said she would take me on vacation with her. But she didn’t.

“Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité”
classism, fascism, structural racism and misogyny, rapists run free, rape culture, pay-as-you-go-bureaurcatic-babylon: compulsive lies

My personal favorite species of categorical hypocrisy from this year in France are words of Céline Obadia, who extracted all of my money, put me into debt and still wanted 500 euros more weeks in advance for an empty apartment, despite saying “I don’t need the money” and “I want to help someone who needs it,” but her behavior is completely consistent with the degradation of civil society I have observed in the years since the financial crisis.

“[speaking with you is] a need rather than a simple desire” / “it remind a sing who say ‘when you have what you want, but not what you need’” / “I’m looking for something serious” / “I love you”
leaves for two month vacation without seeing me, leaves me hanging the summer, treats me like an idiot, bullies me and ends our relationship by email

As Pope Francis has warned, terror rules in a world in which money is god.

As an endnote, here are two completely nonsensical documents sent by French bureaucrats who lied to me and contradicted themselves repeatedly. I have been owed hundreds since December. But their hypocrisy and sadism is legend — it never fucking ends.

They refuse to reimburse a prescription from my doctor.
They ask for a completely contradictory document.

Let’s not forget that I called the CAF on May 13th, 2016 at 14:56:25 to verify they had received all the necessary paperwork. They had received it all. Did they need any more documents? No. Were they absolutely sure? Yes, absolutely sure I did not need to send any other documents.

It took a full month and a half for them to contradict themselves in the most absolute terms.

People Who Wished to Silence Me Because I Disagreed With Them.

Bold face if they did silence me in act or deed.

A violation of not only my constitutional rights, but also human rights.

Robyn Fournier threatened to censor me because I posted three times in Queer Mental Health in one day (for a grand total of four posts), and one time another day, effectively silenced me
Nicolas Norris deemed my examination of classism in France “spam” and reported it as such, despite the fact that my writing cites provable facts and extensive documentation
Natalie Cox removed me from facebook group TAPIF alumni because I exposed discrimination and social injustices in France
Kelly Renee Bohan
Ann Bui
James Whelan referred to my writings and remarks as “feminist swill” and attempted to mainsplain my blog to me
Joseph Breen
Meggie Foulk
Camillia de Cabanillas
Jo Thandi silenced me on the basis of my race in group Cuntry Living

What online misogynists really want it silence.

French Social Workers

The past year, during dire financial struggle, social workers in France were by far the most heinous bullies of all, and simply refused to help me.

“your forehead will wrinkle”

I went to the Saint-Louis Hospital three times to see a dhermatologist, and spent perhaps 20 hours hoping to attain care that I legally had a right to. But the social worker there kept inventing ways to deny me care, and I spent three days in the hosptial bullied by her, brought to tears, and the first day I came a nurse said I definitely needed to see a doctor. This woman broke the law, and she is evil, and I hope she does some time.

“if you haven’t paid tuition you don’t exist”

I applied to Paris 3 Sorbonne-Nouvelle in July 2015 and was not accepted until October 19th, and I did not have the money for tuition. So, I went to see the social worker. She explained that until I paid tuition she wouldn’t help me. So I did and surpassed the debt limit of 500 euros on my bank account, was assessed all sorts of exorbitant fees, which compounded my already precarious financial situation, and the bank changed my contact without notifying me.

I expressed my financial worries to the CROUS in December 2015 and was not put in touch with a social worker until March. That social worker passed me off to another, who then did the same, back and forth.

Despite being in contact with several social workers in France, not a single one EVER helped me.