On Men Not Properly Acknowledging When I Have Had Orgasms
The women that I know don’t lie.
Men — in almost all cases — on the other hand can almost always admit to at some point having lied: to get sex.
Men will literally say anything if they think it will increase their chances of getting laid. I’m not even sure they’re self-aware about it? I often wish to think that they don’t lie on purpose, that they’re split beings who sometimes are simply slaves to the passion in their pants. They will say one thing and do another because of it. They are men.
For a long time I was terrified of all men because no matter how clear I would make myself, they would lie and manipulate me.
But women, at least the women I am close to want to work to be independent, they are supportive and want others to be too. They care about the people in their life. As one woman friend said, “women tend to be better people than men,” and in my experience it is true. The women folk I call my friends don’t lie: they speak about their feelings honestly and articulately. They listen and provide feedback. Women maybe want some hot sex and hand holding, and they will not be afraid to tell someone. The women I knew make booty calls, because they are young professionals who know that they want.
The women I know are not lying about their feelings or what they want, ever.
I have noticed, not without my own share of shocked skepticism, that it seems that men think I lie about
- loving them, being in love with them, and all of my feelings about them, and
- having orgasms and the extraordinary obviousness of the greatness of them
Just the other day I had a five minute screaming orgasm that was so powerful everyone within a ten mile radius must have heard it or heard about it, but after the fact, what charming pillow talk falls upon my ears? The guy says to me point blank did you have an orgasm? I wanted to kill him. I told him c’est pas drôle. My brain had even gone so dead from the overstimulation of every single one of my neurons that I was displeased, and also honestly I was too tired. How could it be that my ecstasy and the coma that followed were not proof enough?
I still did my best to gently point out I would neither fake an orgasm for five minutes straight nor have I ever faked an orgasm for that matter.
I guess I am going to be cocky here and say I have never had to fake orgasms.
Honestly, I think men can handle this kind of feedback on their lovemaking skills. Bros, an orgasm means you’re doing something right; anything else, you may want to change something. Everything about sex can be pleasurable on some level. And that can be expressed with a multiplication of sensory input and output. Different looks, postures, touches, pushes, pulls, varying forms of pressure, grabs, words to indicate all of these things.
The orgasm should be the most foolproof of these, but it is also the biggest source of danger and criminal negligence: do not mistake the forest for the trees in intimate moments.
Boys, girls there is no need to fake anything!
But anyway, who is lying about what turns them on? It just doesn’t make sense to me to fake to my partner that something feels good when it doesn’t, that seems to be a potential source of further lacks of being in tune to one another.
And for the record, I never lie about my feelings either. How could it ever make sense to corrupt intimacy in any way? Essential to our humanity is our trust in the intimate things we share with others, and our relationships are actually what is most vital to our survival and happiness.
I would even suggest that the “feminine model” — privileging intimacy — is more logical, not only for the survival of the individual but also for humanity as a whole.