Acknowledging is hard

Two days ago I’ve celebrated my 20th birthday. Coincidentally, “Happy Birthday!” echoed to my bedroom from the school nearby. It has been three months since the death of my beloved mother. My dear Iris.

Not long ago, I’ve decided that backing up my precious memories would be a good thing to do. So I did. Thank you Google Photos.

While browsing my forgotten moments and naive smiles, Baz Luhrmann’s “Wear Sunscreen” came up into my mind.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

We live our short life span as if we are here for centuries, not knowing that death is preying on each of steps. Not knowing, or at least denying.

Denying that nothing is guaranteed.

I wish I’d know that by the age of ten. Not twenty. And even though now I know, knowing is not acknowledging. It takes time to acknowledge a thing you don’t want to believe. To acknowledge a thing that you want to deny.

Pine’s smell means summer.
Childhood memories are conjuring.
Playing in the school’s playground.
Who thought about sorrow?

I miss my loved ones. 
My mother, my grandfathers , my grandmother, my great uncles and aunts.
I miss the non existing future. The could’ve been laughter.

May their memory be a blessing