Whenever you are bored, you need to struggle
When was the last time you caught yourself being bored?
Maybe, while waiting in the queue, or commuting? Or maybe when you were having a small talk with your colleagues? Or perhaps when you were attending a painfully long meaningless bureaucratic meeting at work? Or even when you were having dinner with your significant other?
What did you do?
I bet it had something to do with your phone. Or any other piece of technology you used to entertain yourself.
If so, I am not surprised, because it was designed this way. Your phone was intended to cure the symptoms of boredom and apathy. But eventually, it makes a full recovery almost improbable.
Poisonous design of your smartphone
I can be blaming designers for ages. I can be blaming the work I do and the one I do not stop being done for even longer. And I will do it. Later.
Here, for the sake of this story, I will outline a high-level conceptual model of ‘habit-forming products’.
To be specific, I want to focus your attention on the software applications you use every day.
An important question to ask here is: “Why are you using them every day?”
I’ll give you two options.
- Option 1. You need the thing every day, as it brings you real value.
- Option 2. You need the thing every day because you think it brings you value.
Which one will you go with?
Not sure? Let’s look from the perspective of creators.
Designers. The ones who create products for you. They are very smart. And there are lots of them. And a myriad of these smart designers is continuously competing for two resources at your disposal: money and time.
Money is obvious. So, let’s focus on the latter — your time.
What kind of stuff takes the most of your time?
The right answer is — something you formed a habit around.
So why don’t they help you to form your habits around the products they are selling?
Genius!
To understand how and what better read this book. And then this one.
Cutting to the chase, they figured out that you are bored and why it is happening, and then discovered ways to cure the symptoms, deliberately playing with your weaknesses. Nothing personal, but you are a human being. And we all have buttons that can be pushed by others.
Hello to Facebook feed scrolling. Hello to checking out disappearing Instagram stories. Hello to the endless flow of notifications from people that need you, just now.
If you are touched by the problem and already noticed adverse changes digital addiction brought into your life, you may consider a digital detox. But don’t be fooled again. It does not cost 500 quid. You can check out a fantastic article “A Radical Guide to Spending Less Time on Your Phone” by Ryan Holiday.
I have another recipe for you though, and I also can recommend to use it after any kind of a digital detox.
The recipe is simple — you need to go through extreme pain.
What to do when you are disengaged
I would argue that boredom is a sign of disengagement. Meaning that you are not entirely involved in the activity you are doing. It does not seem exciting enough for you at the moment, or you do not see it contributing to a broader strategic goal of yours. In other words, you’d rather do something else.
And you do. You call for your smartphone to help.
But before touching your phone, consider checking the following simple rules.
Rule 1. Avoid having instances of boredom in your life.
Easier to say than do.
No, really. I am serious.
Isn’t it one of the end games we are playing? Isn’t it all partially about enjoying the process?
Ask yourself why are you being bored in the first place?
Maybe it is because you do not enjoy your job. Or you do not find the company of your friend or counterpart fulfilling enough.
So why do you have all of this in your life?
Why are you doing the job that is not great enough for you? — Change it.
Why are you spending your time with people that do not make yourself a better human? — Stop meeting them.
Why are you planning your life with the person you cannot enjoy an evening with? — Break up.
Why are you reading the book or watching a movie you cannot concentrate on?
Make your choices properly. Do not follow the crowd. Be mindful.
Rule 2. Look for a reason to find an activity useful, look for re-engagement.
Whenever you feel that boredom, make an effort to appreciate what you have, this is what the mindfulness trend is about (and no, it is not about being a proud subscriber of one of the apps, if there was a place for doubt). Dig a bit deeper into all the opportunities at your disposal. Maybe there is still a chance to like it?
At work. Maybe it is not the best place for you to be. Or perhaps you just perceive it this way. Look around. Is there is something you can learn from the people you work with? Is there something that excites you about them? Ask them to teach you, ask them to become your mentor.
Is there anything else you can do at your workplace? Or do the same thing but in a different way? Make a small change to bring enjoyment back.
While spending time with people. You do not like where the conversation is going, don’t you? You are bored. But. What if you put on a scientist hat? Perhaps do a little research. Ask yourself — why is it happening? What is wrong about this person? Maybe they are a jerk! But why? What makes them a jerk?
Results may differ. You either will help them with their internal issues (if relevant), or you will decide never to meet them again. Anyways, your time during that chat would not be wasted.
At a useless business meeting. So you found yourself being locked for two hours with the people talking about completely irrelevant stuff.
First, maybe there is still something relevant for you in there. Try to understand.
Second, do your admin. I admit it is hard to do other mentally demanding tasks while you still need to follow the conversation going on. But it may be an excellent opportunity to go through your never-ending list of corporate chores.
Third, observe. This one is mostly underappreciated. There is so much stuff you can do sitting in a chair. You can look, you can breathe, you can listen, you can smell. You can explore the world around and then reflect.
While commuting or waiting. This is a tricky one. Because reading a book is not such a bad idea, in this particular case. But of course, I wouldn’t say it about scrolling your Instagram feed, as we are old enemies. As an alternative, you can also enjoy your solitude. There are no real distractors, and you can easily disconnect yourself from them. And focus on yourself.
In other words, be curious. At all times.
Rule 3. If Rule 2 is not possible — STRUGGLE, because of Rule 1.
I understand that doing admin during the work meeting or thinking about the future of humanity while having dinner with your fiancee cannot be treated as solutions for root problems.
And also, there are cases when there is really nothing you can do. You can’t be observing the world for ages, and the admin list mentioned above will end at some point.
Although interim solutions may be helpful from time to time, they are not curing you. They are soothing the symptoms of the root problem. And the root problem here is the way you plan your life.
Yes, you read it right. Planning. Here we go.
What did you do to end up doing the job you hate?
How did you allow yourself to be invited to that time-wasting meeting?
Why did you go out with the person you find mentally intimidating?
Because you did not plan it properly, you do not know what you want. Hence, it is hard to understand what is right and what is wrong.
I am not here to tell you how to plan your life. You are smart enough to figure it out yourself.
I am here to nudge you to start doing it. And the role of nudge I suggest being played by PAIN. Not physical pain, though, but it also may be found extremely helpful. Kudos to my boxing teacher.
I am talking about mental pain. Because up until the moment you feel it.
Feel that you are wasting your time. YOUR. TIME.
There is not enough motivation to start going through change.
It will take time and lots of willpower. And even more time.
It won’t be easy, but the result is unexplainably fantastic.
You will love your life in its entirety.
And.
You will bring love into the lives of other people.
