There really isn’t a winner. When two people try to play the “I’m doing so much better game” or any kind of game it always just ends up with two losers. Past memories of happiness bring about a longing in your heart. I was talking to an ex just recently and things were said to each other that hurt. The one that hurt me the most was “I don’t think we were ever soulmates. If it had been the case it would have worked out”. That statement post break up invalidates any time we said that to each other in the past. That obviously being the point.
We had played what I call the “insult” game. It’s a back and forth jabber that just ends up in hurt feeling in both people. When you are with someone in such an intimate space after the relationship is over just leaves the ammo for this game.
Me: “I’m actually glad you didn’t get that transfer into NYU”
Her: “I knew it you fucking liar”
Her: “You have no job and no life, you don’t know how the world works”
Me: “So how does the world work?”
Her: “YOU GET A FUCKING JOB”
Me: “Yeah maybe I will have my parents pay for me to get some art gallery unpaid internship for 6 months, and my aunt can send me a check for? What was it again? Oh 50K”
There was no winning that at all. No matter what points were brought up when you attack someone’s fundamental tributes like success, intelligence, and include their falure’s they will never see your point of view and they will never back down.