Losing a friend to suicide

This was written around January 22nd when she passed away, it has been hiding in my drafts for months and I decided to post for mental health day.

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I recently lost a close friend to suicide and the pain that I went through, I wouldn’t wish upon anybody else. This has been an eye opening event in my life and it will always have a huge impact on my life.

I still don’t really know how to talk about it, I’m 15 years old so this is something that I still feel that shouldn’t have happened. She was here last month, I’d see her in the hallways, smiling and laughing with her boyfriend. We weren’t as close as we were last year but I cared about her a lot, she knew that and she cared the same amount for me.

I’m able to continue living my life for the sole reason that it feels like she isn’t really gone. I went to her funeral and we had a memorial set up for her at school but I refuse to believe that she is no longer here.

When I first found out, it was exam time. I had a billion things on my mind and I misunderstood thinking she was in a psych ward getting help. I couldn’t be more wrong.

While I was carrying on with my life, she was nearly dead. She was pronounced brain dead later that week and that is when it hit me. This beautiful, loving, caring girl is no longer in my life. I will never see her smile again, she will never get to see her favourite band perform. We will never get to go longboarding together. I will never be able to hear her laugh again.

I’ve taken this horrible event and turned it into my life goal. I need to be heard. So you, you’ve got to listen to me.

Talk to somebody please. Let somebody know if you need help, you don’t have to do this alone. I promise you, you matter way more to people than you think you do. I know how it feels to feel like there is nothing good in the world for you but how are you ever going to know that if you don’t live your life out?

What I’m trying to say is that there is so much beauty even within all the bad. Please take this away with you:

1. There’s a reason you’re here, nobody can be like you and I know that is so cliche but how cool is that? There is only one you, you automatically have a purpose for that sole reason.

2. Help is always near and approachable. I promise you, you can get it. Please talk to someone

3. You are loved. It may not feel like it but you are and you are worthy of feeling it so let the love consume you.