Boy Kings are thought to have originated in the early 21st century, usually Computer Science graduates that entered the second dot com boom by proximity to Silicon Valley and Whiteness.
They are thought to have opined the phrases, “Crush It”, “Trickle Down Techonomics” and “Disrupt Everything”.
Having gloriously ridden out an IPO on a unicorn, they were coronated as Silicon Valley’s Boy Kings. Their code was thought to be without error and their wisdom beyond refute. The Boy Kings settled comfortably into a prolonged young adulthood replete with hoodies, sandals and scandals. Their maturity stayed stubbornly fixed in their indisputable youthful coronation. They were known to mock younger developers and terrorize minorities and women, who they regarded as mere peons for their exploitation. No one ever measured up of course. The bar was often raised higher than they themselves were thought to be capable off. Their diet was a fixed staple of carbonated drinks, nitrous caffeine, hopped beer and sweet bourbon, with which they waged into meetings and parties, berated their underlings, only to ride out victoriously having plundered the team’s morale to fortify their own kingly status.
In later life they were observed to suffer a variety of neuroses; anxiety attacks, attention deficits and even deep depression, the unfortunate side effects of mental imbalance and peculiar paranoias borne out of competition with neighboring Boy Kings. Few were ever able to repeat their early success or reproduce such fortunate timing of being in the right room at the right time. The smartest continued on to build other unicorns. The safest continued in their original capacity. Whilst the foolish, they spread their grandiosity and influence far and thin leaving a trail of shattered employees in their wake, until they squandered away their wealth on unrequited love and unending libations. Few if any went on to produce stable relationships let alone stable companies, forever cursed by their own early successes.
This is the legend of the Boy Kings of Silicon Valley.
Dedicated to my friends that worked with insufferable Boy Kings and lived to tell me their stories.
