Consciousness Hacking: Intimacy when the Stakes are High

I attended the event with the intention of learning how to navigate difficult conversations. While I didn’t take away much in terms of specific tangible steps on that particular axis, the event was positively impactful and helpful along the lines of better understanding emotions, presence and mindfulness.

Joe Hudson was a great workshop leader and facilitator, drawing upon concepts from scientific and psychological research. Most importantly, he created a safe and trusting space. Usually, staring into the eyes of a stranger for more than 30 seconds feels awkward and our automatic reaction is to look away.

Yet somehow, there was enough spaciousness granted so that it felt natural and relatively comfortable to immerse myself in the eyes of the person sitting across from me for a prolonged time.

Some notes:

• Emotions are the key factors of decisions. Think about how many situations or people you walked away from to avoid that particular feeling of hurt, disappointment, abandonment, etc.
• Effects of childhood lingers throughout our adulthood, think about the way your parents treat you, and how you date people that treat you in a similar way, because it feels familiar and comforting. This is an example of how emotions are trying to get out as a result of resistance
• Patterns stop when emotions are truly felt: 1) I recognize this emotion, 2) I express and allow it, 3) I can be with it, 4) I can love it and embrace it
• Importance of state of mind: internal meditative states translate to external relationships
• Hacking consciousness means being able to shift perspectives
• Polarities: if you find yourself wanting money and thinking it’s a problem, you will probably also think not wanting money is also a problem. Being okay and accepting of one side of the spectrum will help the other side as well

Some exercises:

• Say something vulnerable about yourself (you know it’s vulnerable when you don’t want to share it).
• Imagine 12 people who are unconditionally loving and you’re on an island with them for 10 years, how will you be different? How can you retain this state?
• And my personal favorite: with the person you’ve been sitting across from, sharing gazes and bits of stories, what is one sentence that you absolutely have to tell them if you won’t ever see this person again?

One thing that stood out in the workshop: A volunteer went up to the front of the room and shared something that he has been struggling with. The room became increasingly tense as people peppered him with questions and it seemed like it was getting nowhere. Joe then stepped in and reminded us of the exercises we did earlier, of rather than trying to change something and having an agenda embedded in the question, try coming from a place of curiosity. Afterwards, there was a noticeable change in the room as people asked questions to better understand him, rather than trying to get him to see it from their point of view. The discussion became a lot more thoughtful, empathetic and genuine.

Some thoughts:

• A year ago on this day, during friendsgiving, people asked me what my insecurities were, I said I didn’t know. Now I realize that it wasn’t because I didn’t have any. It was because I wasn’t self-aware enough to know.
• Humans are so delicate and interesting. The self is like a puzzle piece that I’m slowly discovering and constantly savoring the marvel of it all.
• What are the reasons and roadblocks to people being much less emotional?

To do list:

• Ask A. about the kit of sentence-stems: as a child, as a female, as a partner, etc.
• Look into emotional differences, especially disappointment, shame, guilt.
• Delve more into the topics that this workshop reminded me of: boundary setting, vulnerability, authenticity, self-love, power dynamics, control.