Letter to my lovely daughter in-law

“I don’t want to take full credit of their beauty, nor balm for their weakness”

A topic that I always think about is what kind of men my sons will grow up …Well, tough and not an easy topic , but still I have a sample hope. As a mother of three sons specially being an Afghan mother and far away from my country is not easy ,but I don’t want to take full credit of their beauty, nor balm for their weakness; however, I will try my best to raise my son to honor his wife, children, being a real man for his society, and his poor country Afghanistan. I have been thinking about this for the last 12 years.

While I am looking at Y, E and E…a , I proudly say that I will raise the men; someday who will be the husband of someone’s daughter and role model to my grandchildren. As I think these are the most important roles in a healthy relationship and a peaceful community. I left my job and right now I am a stay at home Mum, and I see this job as very important to raise them with the skills they need to go out into the world and fulfill their roles in a great way. Each day I am enjoying with these little boys although they drives me crazy managing them by my self, since my husband works in Afghansitan ,in the view of the fact for our kids’ education and security me and my sons left our home country and used to live as an immigrant in the US. It was a big scarifies to leave my belovedjob and lovely and very kind family ,but wow I was committed to the responsibility of growing them as man of future. I prefer being a Teacher, Nurse, Driver, Cook and Advisor but still I have my mood swing and feeling sorry for my self. I can say being a full time mum job is more important than any other job or role in the world.

Dear daughters-in-law,

I don’t know you yet, but to be honest, I love you so much, and I started loving you 9 years back, because some day you are the love of my son, and my son will be yours. And mostly because I don’t have daughter and always wishing for a daughter but Allah didn’t gift me.so you are the one who can fill this and will be my daughter and my friend as I can share my life experience, those tea dates that I planned already in my mind, and those tips and and few techniques about the life that I learned and sooo many other interesting activities that I loved to do with my baby girl, so this baby girl will be you one day. I know one of my wishes that I will miss is to take few mom and daughter photo shot but never mind I will do that photo shot as a mom and daughter in-law photo shots and might be their much better apps than snap chat, and Instagram to post on, and do update me about all that,then I will get older and I will not be update mother.

I have few things that I want to say to you, this can’t be enough, but I am sure we can at least meet once a week for a coffee or for a meal if you like to. There will be a time, this messy, silly mummy’s boy, my gourmand but very picky little boy will be yours. But remember he will always be mine, but I know you are going to take my place in many ways. And I will be happy and cannot wait until then, at least on those days I can travel all around the world and make my dream come true. And you are gonna be the one, if he doesn’t see you for a day, will be missing you more, than me.You are going to be the one that he kisses goodnights, he will share his problems, his plans… His comfort will be your shoulder and your chest, and most importantly you are going to be the one when he is scared going to the bathroom or even in sleep your name will come first, I can say someday your hands will replace mine. And for all love you will be responsible.

My lovely daughter, as my sons are everything to me and to my husband;I know now you’re important to your parents. I hope you are admired, respected and treated like a queen. I always pray that you are taught to love yourself unconditionally, and respect yourself first, because without that love, and respect you will not be successful to love and respect others. I really hope that in your family no one ask you that learn cooking because you are a girl, learn to do laundry and dishes that you are a girl and don’t laugh a lot that you are a girl, don’t go outside that you are a girl, don’t dream a life with full of enjoyment that you’re a girl, and so many other taught and lessons that all afghan parents are teaching and asking their daughters unfortunately, these I hope you didn’t miss all those beautiful and true lessons are not missed by those who are around you, that you are a princess a beautiful and amazing gift you are to your family. Only by coming to this world, you opened the door of paradise to your father and you’re going to be the one who completes the half Deen of my son and once you will be mother the paradise will lie under your feet. Feel proud that you are a girl and say; Yes,I am a girl and I am a queen to this world.

I am trying my best to raise my son to view you the same way that you’re a queen. I always want you not to be afraid to speak loudly to share your voice and your decision, you’re going to be the one who can change the world and always my sons and my grandchildren will need you, and I want you to speak for those who are around you.

I want you to know once again that my son makes lots of mistakes but this will not be my fault, since you know he has his own habits and characteristics. You’ll figure out as you pass time with him more; and someday, you will be the one who will know him better than anyone else in the world. Give him the space to be himself, and I will teach him to do the same for you. But take care of him and keep eyes on him since everyone knows that man will be man, so don’t forget this ;-)

As a mother to my daughter, I promise to let you know about the secrets and knowledge of him, so that you can love him, accept him as a part of life. I will try to raise him to understand the value of a woman’s heart. That it’s priceless, and once broken, can never go back to the way it was before. I will teach him to understand your value. To honor and respect you back as you do him.

I want my boys to be raised in such a way that they learn how to be strong, brave and humble. But for sure manful and fearless to ask for help from you, both of you can improve and encourage each other to be even better than you are on your own since he is not complete man and you will not be as well, and both of you need each other help, and support each other in life. But I will teach him rather than need him to love and want you, and you too rather than need, love and want him by your heart in difficult times. My son has to learn and know that he is the leader but I pray he leads well and understands the honor of it for being a real leader not to miss his position. I always motivate him and teach him to live his life as a real man with integrity, honor, humility, honesty and faith.

I always want my son to follow his dreams and passions, I promise to raise him in such a way that he always remembers you are someone’s daughter and you belong to him after your mom and dad.

The world won’t always be easy. There may be days that you look at him and question every decision you ever made. In those moments, I pray you will look back on the base you built together and remember why you choose to be with him there.

I am promising you that each day, I will teach my son how to take care of a woman and how to treat a woman, train him in doing the laundry ,dishes, cooking and to never expect you to do it all. I will always be there with him and teach him to raise his voice against violence. I will teach to respect you everywhere and at any time.

So my lovely daughter, We have lots of years ahead to meet. But every day, I will pray for you to be strong and deal with life. I will love you. And whenever I meet you, I will love you even more than now. Because you’ll become my daughter, and most importantly my son ‘s love partner. And very sure, my husband and I will treat you more than a daughter, you are going to be the princess and queen of our house and family.

Wish you a very successful life ahead and can’t wait for the time to meet and be supportive for each other.

M

2020

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