Do Not Kill Your Ego, Order Your Ego.
The Lesson I Get from Studying Jungian Analytical Psychology and Book Authors.
It has been 2 years since October or November 2017 I began my journey from reading the website of 16personalities.com which talks about Myerr Briggs, to cognitive functions from several websites. Honestly, those cognitive functions websites are pretty much questionable. They are just a bunch of similar information served in different websites. I find the limitation in their explanation clearly. I was asking myself “Is this it? Is this really the depth of this psychology? Why does the variation between these websites are so small?” I could speak more about the questions in my head, but you get the picture.
After a few months, Youtube’ s algorithm blessed me with CS Joseph’s video. I forgot exactly the first video I watched. But in his video, the things I knew previously about Jungian Analytical Psychology (JAP) was a whole lot different. His explanation was far more practical than any of the website I have ever read. The rest is history. In 2 years, I have learned a lot about JAP.
I also have my interest in the space of self-improvement. There is this statement which irritates me. It is this notion that having an ego is a bad thing. Look, I understand that having a huge ego is a bad thing. But we got to solve deeper issues on this phenomenon. The reason why the ego is huge according to popular opinion is simple. I have seen the same pattern happened around me, my friends, the internet and everything in between. I have to make peace with myself, knowing that sometimes nobody has the luxury of time to think of the reasons that form a certain type of belief. And so far, I have the luxury of time for thinking those reasons. I must thank God for that due to the rarity of it and the blessings I am given because of it.
Pay close attention to both of these pictures below. You will need it for the understanding of what I am going to explain after this.
According to JAP, in this world there are 16 types of people, divided by 4 temperaments and 4 interaction styles. You can actually see it just like a multiplication table. To clarify what I mean, in that table those 16 types are ESTJ, ESTP, ENTJ, ENFJ, ESFJ, ESFP, ENTP, ENFP, ISTJ, ISTP, INTJ, INFJ, ISFJ, ISFP, INTP, INFP.
Pay attention to the 4 sides of mind table!
In case you struggle to locate where the four sides of mind table is, it is in the bottom left. The table is located between the writing of “the four sides of mind” above it, and below it is the writing of “temperament styles.”
Each type has 4 sides of mind to self-govern. You have ego, subconscious, unconscious and super ego. Each of us need to self-govern 2 egos, ego and superfluous ego (superego). That means killing the ego does not make sense. Because ego and super ego are parts of a person. If you kill the ego, it means you basically kill that person.
The reason why people are having a huge ego is because they DO NOT ORDER their ego to work for them. They let their ego roam wild in chaos instead of order. In JAP, each type have 8 cognitive functions. We have conscious awareness of 6 functions. The picture below will provide more information on 8 functions that each 16 types have.
As you can see in this picture, each type have 8 functions. But we only have conscious awareness of 6 functions. Take me as an example. I am an ESTJ. If you see my previous posts on Medium, I am all about discipline. Why is that so? That is because my parent function or the second highest function is Si, which in this case this function has the key to my self discipline, long term past memory, sense of duty, safety and comfort. But, am I a disciplined person? Nope, still thousand miles away from it. That is why I post blogs here, to increase my repetition in producing quality blogs, which in turn increases my self-discipline. Do I already acknowledge myself as a lazy person because of wanting to be comfortable at all times? ABSOLUTELY. This is why I always try to put my effort to be a consistent writer.
The functions that provides personal responsibility is the second function, also known as the parent function. The reason why people can tell somebody has a huge ego is because THEY DO NOT HAVE HIGH PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. THAT IS ALL IT.
Personal responsibility is the key to control ourselves. I happened to subscribe newsletter on Stoicism. Ryan Holiday, thank you for your Daily Stoic newsletter. I am sorry if I do not fully agree in your understanding of Ego is the Enemy. But regardless, I have huge respect for you. You have made a positive impact in this world and for me. I will never ever forget that.
Basically, Stoicism is about personal responsibility. The key to this philosophy is simple. You only need to control what you can control which is yourself. You can’t dictate how your parents will act on you, you can’t control how the economy will have its booming days and recession days. You can’t control your job security. You can’t control how your friends will act towards you. You can’t control whether your favorite team in your choice of sport will win every game. The elite player themselves do not have 100% control on that outcome, trust me on that. You don’t have the control on how much income you will have 100%. Can you still get rich? ABSOLUTELY! I believe it is our duty to get rich. If we are rich, we can get the money problem out of our way, and focus on creating impact to the world we live in.
Do I ask any of you to believe the Stoicism right away? Nope. Is it okay you still believe that ego is your enemy? Absolutely. I mean it is not hugely detrimental to believe that. Do I even ask you to go deep dive into JAP? Of course not. I am just sharing right here. I just want us to have a better thought process. I just want us to encourage questioning ourselves. If you guys get smarter, the credit is on you, not on me. I am here to provide that chance. I mean, even Ryan Holiday said that we have to keep our ego in check, meaning we have to humble ourselves.
JAP that I learned from CS Joseph also stated that, we have to humble ourselves. The function that served as the checkpoint between us being humble or being prideful is the fourth function. According to the table above, it is the inferior function. Inferior functions contain one’s insecurity and fear. People can act prideful simply because instead of confronting their fears, they mask it. They think they are that good of a person but deep inside, we can tell that they have fears and insecurities. Now, if you can be consistently humble, the power of that inferior function is turning into an aspiration function. Sounds cool? It sure does.
We have to keep our second and fourth function in check. Because if we are responsible, take ownership on our mistakes, open about our insecurities and work on it, guess what? You now learn step by step on how to order your ego, which is you. You will slowly but surely gain self responsibility and humility. Your ego is the place where you will by majority thrive in. It is the place from 4 sides of mind in which you are most comfortable in. Do not kill your ego, order your ego. You have control over you. Tell yourself that you will always put the effort to win yourself. Make sure the desired part of you wins. That is all that matters.
You do not need to put so much attention on winning the hearts of people, you do not need to focus on being the smartest out of everybody else. You do not need to focus on being the strongest out of others. The only battle you should win is yourself today versus yourself yesterday FOREVER. If you are humble, that means you do not let the outward result of your success seduces you to be lazy. It also means when you are failing to do according to your personal standards, you can breathe in and forgive yourself. There is always another chance to act better, and make sure before that chance comes, you are ready. If you are responsible, that means you put in your best effort to accomplish whatever you want or what you should do. That means when things go wrong, you take ownership and figure out how to do it better. You will figure out how to be better and how to correct your mistakes.
This is why I tell my friends to forgive themselves quickly after their mistakes. The faster they don’t dwell in negativity, the faster they can prepare themselves for another chance. But, do you still need to be sad at times? Of course, but there is a limit to that. It is your job to figure out that limit for you. I always tell my friends to get back on defense when they missed their shots, and there are no team mates to rebound when we play basketball. It might seem insignificant, but trust me habits are not small matters. James Clear said, habits will form you whether you like it or not. I knew that before I read his book and subscribed his newsletter. But sometimes we need a reminder. Even my mom said habit is not a small matter. We need these reminders to keep ourselves in check. James Clear, thank you for reminding me habits is not a small matter. You also have changed my life. I lose 18–20 pounds because of reading and applying what your book says. Your contribution will never be forgotten.
Okay, so what is the conclusion here? You order yourself to your own standards, put in your efforts day in and day out. Adapt and modify your standards over time. But most importantly, be responsible to yourself. You will thank yourself because of your efforts. Order your ego is the way.
Source:
- CS Joseph Typing Grid
- CS Joseph’s Discord
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- Daily Stoic Newsletter by Ryan Holiday
