Praise to some honesty

I encourage you strongly to read Susan Basterfield’s great post Vulnerability and consent. Great heart insight ! While reading it I was wondering something:

Who is accountable for your feelings?

Should you blame the world for making a negative impacts on you, for creating negative emotions? If I tell you “be happy!” or “be sad!”, does it make any impact on you?

Let’s do some fiction here. Imagine that you react to something I say or do or write (like this post) with a brutal “You’re stupid!”. Social conventions (= a kind of organizational politics) say you should not tell this to someone publically. And most people would consider you go too far, even if they think the same.

But let’s talk about the impact of your words on me. Isn’t it related to my ego only? The truth is you have no idea what my reaction could be. For example:

  1. behave according to the social norm and consider I have the right to say you humiliated me and ask for compensation (or as Donald Trump tweets: you’re fired)
  2. ignore you with my heart
  3. believe you are God and think I am really stupid (and buy a rope)
  4. feel humiliated because it reminds me what my father always told me (and buy a rope)
  5. feel anger because I believe no one should ever express their feelings publically (I could be Brit)
  6. feel disgusted because I thought you were God, but obviously I was wrong
  7. feel happy because I finally made you loose your nerves publically (yeah!)
  8. prevent my little ego from taking control and care about you; after all, if you react so strongly, you probably feel upset about something, and since I love you, I don’t like to see you like this; is there anything that I can do for you?
  9. thank you for your honesty, and ask you to clarify and help me understand so that I might have a chance to improve [this would probably be my reaction once I let my strong ego calm down]
  10. [design your own feelings here]

What about following our internal compass and trust in our own believe system? This may look brutal to those who try only to behave according to the social norm and do what others expect. Yes. If I really care about you, I prefer honesty to the brutal social norm.

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