Would you date you?

On dating double standards…

My never had a ring on it left hand!

How long have you been single for? When was your last serious relationship? Why did you break up? Have you ever been married? Why do you think you’ve never been married? No kids? Come on, you must have skeletons in the closet? What is wrong with you?

Before you go ahead and feel anger on my behalf. I have to admit, it’s often times me asking these questions. Or at least thinking them. Because if the answers are — a really freaking long time. Like 15 years ago. No. I don’t know. No. Nothing comes to mind. I don’t know. I don’t know! I’ve got one foot out the door. This dude is not broken in, in fact probably broken.

The answers above are indeed mine and yet I don’t think I’m broken. What is wrong with this picture? Why so quick to judge the guys out there? And am I right to do so?

Let’s look at my assumptions.

Dear date,

If you’ve been single for 15 years, then there’s a strong chance you have commitment issues. This is a man thing. You men and your why have the same meal every night when you can eat a la carte mentality.

Of course if you’ve been single for the past 15 years, it’s no surprise you’ve also never married. The same reasons apply.

Although you could also have God complex (nobody is good enough). Or be a mommy’s boy (also nobody is as good as mom). As for not having had children, you are human this I wont judge. I might even like the idea that we can share in building a family from scratch (it doesn’t have to include kids).

On balance, however, I’m sorry to tell you but I don’t think it’s going to work out between us. Please go and date somebody who is freshly out of a divorce. Those girls are never alone, you will be fine.

All the best out there — from Me (eternally desperate, dateless & apparently staying that way)

I’ve got a feeling I’m not alone. That in fact, you dear date are judging right back at me. Which may be part of the merry go round of our single lives. If you’re happy on that merry go round please stay on board. For those like me who recognize we might benefit from a change of heart stay with me for a bit.

Let’s agree to ask some different questions. To figure out who we’re really sitting across the table from. In fact, let’s abolish the standard questions from our dating repertoire altogether. Go on, next time you (or I) go on a date, I dare you to ask the following instead:

  • Tell me who you are closest to in life at the moment, what is it you really love about this person?
  • For those with kids — what do you most hope they will learn from you?
  • When do you feel in the zone most? Like totally in the moment and you loose track of time?
  • How do you like to treated when you’re in a relationship?
  • Why do you like to be treated like that?
  • If you’re not allowed to answer with money, what makes you feel rich in life?
  • What are you most proud of about yourself?
  • When was the last time you laughed until you cried and why?

There’s so much more to people than their dating stats, but I know I’m guilty of judging. So rather than sitting back in my glass house throwing stones next time, I’m going to take my own advice. Now I just need to get motivated to go on a date. One thing at a time!

Are you someone who judges dates more harshly than yourself? Maybe you need to get on board too. I’d love to hear all about it.

If you enjoyed this post please click the green heart below. Since this is unlikely, I promise to go on a date and give the above a try if I get 50 likes. And to report back here. Now excuse me, I must get back to ignoring the plethora of dating apps on my phone and sitting on the sofa.

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