Very touching, Ali. It reminds me of my having lost my paternal mother when I was just merely 5, I didn’t understand what it meant at the time, but I grieved her loss from then onward until she appeared to me in a dream, angry &asking what was it that I wanted from her. I realized that she didn’t have a choice in the matter &since then I haven’t grieved her to the extent that I had.
My maternal grandmother died when I was 15 after I had been reunited with my absentee mother. I remember having visited her in the nursing home (in which she died shortly after that very same visit) &her asking that we take her out of there. I understood exactly what she said even though she had suffered a stroke which left her half paralyzed &unable to speak clearly, poor thing.
I grew up not having my grandparents in my life (for long), nor immediate family for that matter, as well as my parents, which is what I’ve always mourned &the same case/situation for my own children while growing up. I have been there for them, doing the best I can to provide them with the support, guidance, love& just being there for them that I myself had lacked.
I am sure that she (amongst others) is alongside/with you in spirit, in addition to your having her tucked away in your heart, she’ll be alive perpetually until Death’s arrival. Here’s to that day, I also await, friend.