Thank you for this evocative post. I can identify with your comments about your feelings once you returned home. I visited Auschwitz/Birkenau in May 2016 and had thoroughly researched it before I left — I did not want to be too surprised and thought I knew it all. My prior knowledge probably made the horror worse — it put faces and first hand images to what I had read. It became far worse once I returned home — I looked up facts and, like you, wondered at the nature of the by-standers and the perpetrators. I understand cruelty, sadism and hatred, but this scale was incomprehensible. I read accounts of soldiers who liberated other camps and I spoke to the ex-wife of a British soldier who was in charge of the liberation of a concentration camp….he marched the nearby residents through the camp to see the carnage — they never showed a flicker of emotion. I fear that I have become much more cynical about human beings and the state of the world. Added to this was the “Holocaust Denial” sites found on the web. I am not particularly depressive, but it took a great deal of effort to get my heart and mind away from this horror.