30 Days Out cutting plan — Day 8
at 1130, now I think about it. It’s kind of silly I’ve been writing all that below in the morning. I am heating up my first meal and getting ready to work out at 1400. I’ve got more important stuff to work on. This is probably the first year I will make amendment to my taxes. Fuck. I will see how this go. I need to really be focused and get my body the best shape it can be. I am the most important person not anyone else in my life. I say it with a clear mind. I know sometime I get emotional too especially this morning. But I went through it. She was awake and checking fb the whole time but did not talk to me. But you know what, no fuck was given.
I am just ready to today!
At 1731, just gonna wrap up today. I just had my second meal 20 minutes ago. I am pretty satisfied for today’s workout. Like I said I always do more because I have more to do than Craig, a lot more. I am getting there. It was very difficult to do those alternating dumbbell bench press, but I did 95% of what I chose. I might have injured my right shoulder last week. I felt the pain doing those cable exercises. But you know what, I still finished them. The last thing I wanted to happen is having a serious injury before this program ends. But I won’t let any injuries or anything stop me. I d say keep my head up, eyes on the prize! My hometown, I am coming back with glory!
At 744, just woke up to pee and I can’t sleep anymore. It’s times like this where I get a little depressed because I know a great relationship/friendship is about to end. So I have this girl that we met in Korea back in December of 2015 for only one day. We had a great time and I was attached to it. Ever since then, we communicated a lot. I treat her like I treat my girlfriend. She likes the way I treated her but she never really liked me as a boyfriend because she said she doesn’t know what is like to physically be with me and there wasn’t much chemistry when we were together for that one day.
She will come to the states in September. In the beginning of this long distance communication, we were excited. I could tel she liked me from the way she interacted with me. And I was 100% confident not only we will last till she’s back, but also be together. It was good times, we’d video chat every day and night.
One day she said she was confused and told me she doesn’t know if she likes me or the way I treated her. That got me a little mad because I thought she doesn’t like me anymore. But I told her it’s okay. I don’t know how I was able to do it.
On another day she did not respond to me on messages. And the second day I saw she’s active in social media. It’s the first time I felt heart broken. I cannot imagine how she did it. I then think about under what situation I would do something like this. Then I came up with the conclusion that she really did not put me on high priority like I did. That’s why she doesn’t bother answering my messages. Out of all these time, have I been blind?
Couple days later I finally sent my angry texts. She apologized but it was not satisfactory to me. I called her and talked to her about how I will have low expectations from now on when I send her stuff. So that I won’t get mad if she doesn’t reply because I don’t expect a lot. And boy she keep doing these. She say she’s always the one not initiating the conversation of the moves. I am okay with that. But now she doesn’t even reply what I send. I can’t do anything now. Maybe this is her way to tell me that I need to move on. But I really tried not to think about her.
Finally the way I see this is that when she doesn’t initiate any interaction and being unresponsive to things I initiate. There is nothing left in this relationship.