Random Writing Post — August 24, 2016

I asked for a random selection of words today and said I would write something based on the words given. These are the 5 words I received:

Coincidence, Racism, Pursuit, Indicating, Parking.

And this is the dumb story that I wrote as a result.

In the year 2030 a new product hit the market in Toronto. It was called Buzz Bars. It combined two popular things, chocolate and alcohol. Each Buzz Bar was about four inches tall, and about an inch thick in circumference. For a reason that is known only to the manufacturer’s each bar was shaped like a little person. To consume a Buzz Bar you bit off the chocolate “head” of the person and then drank the 2 ounces of cheap, low quality, yet super potent grain alcohol that was inside. Afterwards you would cram the poor grade chocolate into your maw and then stumble outside with your full face sun visor on (to deal with the occasional burst of blinding UV rays) and go about your day, your thirst and hunger nicely satisfied.

Mike was sitting in his car unwrapping a Buzz Bar. It wasn’t a coincidence that he was eating one at 10 in the morning. He had a drinking problem and this was the easiest way to get going on a Monday without having to deal with the tedious bureaucrats at the government liquor stores. While most countries dissolved into anarchy due to the great ecological disaster of 2020, Ontario became even more regimented. All alcohol purchases now of any kind in the Province of Ontario required a 5 hour cooling off period. Which resulted in people lining up in the morning to put in their orders and checking back in the afternoon. If your order was approved by the Liquor Police you could pick up your package at the counter. If it was denied, well then you could always rely on unregulated home brew.

Mike’s ex wife had said she would get him an ID card guaranteed to pass any of the Liquor Police’s stringent testing, but so far she hadn’t delivered. In fact he hadn’t heard from her in weeks. She had told him she was going up north with Donovan Luiz Rodriques, her cop boyfriend. Since then it had been radio silence. Did something happen? Had one of the mutated black bears eaten them? As Mike finished parking his tesla/dune buggy hybrid he realised he would be pretty upset if that did happen.

It was a raspberry flavoured Buzz Bar today which wasn’t his favourite but it was either that or nothing. The woman he had been seeing had tried to explain to him that buying Buzz Bars was helping the evil corporations that were ruining the city. Mike was skeptical and tried to argue against her but she shut him down. I mean she was the one who went to a liberal arts college before the great ecological disaster of 2020 and thus had seen a real life academic in the flesh. Thus she was the one capable of discussing sociological issues.

It was one of life’s great unsolved mysteries, Mike thought to himself as he crossed the street, how was it that all of the earth’s professional academics had perished all at the same time in that horrible year. Yet he didn’t dwell on it. Too many crazy things had happened in the past decade. One would go mad trying to come to grips with the new reality. It was a meaningless pursuit that would result in having fewer friends and more restless nights. It would make you go mad as you tossed and turned underneath the covers, afraid that in every shadow there was a fembot hiding, waiting to place a mind probe into your ear canal.

Mike entered the coffee shop and got himself a donut and a large coffee. He eased himself into a booth and waited for his friend to arrive. The TV across the room had the news on, and the robot on screen was indicating that it might actually rain this evening.

Fembots were real of course. Mike had seen one. More so he had actually touched one. Yup definitely real. He also knew that they had been to programmed to counter many of humanity’s less virtuous traits like racism and sexism. So while they were at heart, ruthlessly efficient killing machines, they were also in a way better than humans.

Same thing with mind probes. Completely real. Though they didn’t really go into your ears. They were tiny enough that you could get someone to swallow one unknowingly. The probes were smart enough to find their way to the brain on their own. An amazing invention, but sadly used for evil rather than good.

Mike thought he should write all this down. For future generations if no one else. Someone should know the truth. He made a mental note to buy a good notebook tonight when he’s out shopping. A notebook, a box of pens and a handful of Buzz Bars.