This Exercise Made Me Realize How Boring My Life Is

By the time I wake up each morning there are newsletters from several outlets sitting in my inbox. Using my phone I tap three or four letters, squint like hell, and read the morning headlines. The political season has made this activity predictable and boring.

From the Washington Post it’s almost always a picture of Trump wearing a stupid hat with a headline implying he said something stupid (e.g. “Attempts to Woo Minority Groups…”). Then below the Trump hed will be one about Hillary who no doubt seized on her opponents lack of basic decorum.

That’s the Washington Post and more or less the New York Times newsletter. The Daily Beast, however, sends out what they call a “cheat sheet” each morning, which is typically a 10-headline email, each followed by a hundred-word graf explainer. I read the grafs if they’re interesting. For instance, this morning, Tuesday, Aug. 30 at 6:35 a.m., one cheat sheet headline read: “Apple Owes Ireland $14.5 Billion.” I read the following graf and learned Apple doesn’t think they owe that money to the Irish.

Through my phone, again, on my way to somewhere — school, coffeeshop — I’ll listen to Democracy Now!’s the War and Peace Report with Amy Goodman. It typically runs an hour and I listen to bits throughout the day. It takes me a few listening sessions to finish. Yesterday, Monday, I listened to my favorite weekly podcast called Chapo Trap House. It also runs an hour and takes a few listening sessions to get through all the way.

Once I’m settled somewhere I’ll open my laptop and skim through my Google news filters. From there I’m exposed to a smorgasbord of outlets and I’ll actually peer into a couple stories. Depending on my interest level I’ll read the first line, the first few grafs or maybe the whole thing straight through. I jump around between four or five stories. I leave the ones I want to read/finish open in tabs. I get to them eventually.

Come lunch I have the New Yorker’s newsletter in my inbox. I like to read from their Culture Desk or Daily Comment. Their critic’s take on the VMAs was a joy: “I wanted to slowly impale myself with a selfie stick.” If I have the time/space I’ll have my laptop open for lunch and read a few stories; if not I’ll squint on my phone. I’m also always on the hunt for a long piece, which I’ll probably find in the New Yorker or the Atlantic.

Afternoon looks a lot like the morning. The same publications — Washington Post, New York Times, The Daily Beast — send out more news letters. I’ll also get one from STAT and The Intercept, and others that I ignore and note to unsubscribe for the thousandth time. I hop around more articles and read only few in their entirety. I notice my energy, interest, and attention span melt like a Popsicle throughout the day. Rock solid and ice cold in the morning but come 5 o’clock, what’s left is a pathetic, lukewarm nub.

That’s when Netflix parachutes in to drown out my interest in the world.