A problem we shouldn’t write about.

We’d really like to, but we’re still single, and search engines make it easier to follow someone’s digital footprints.


“Adversity builds character.” We might tell ourselves this every time we think about the challenges we have faced in the past, presently, and until there is a safe surgery for an otherwise permanent annoyance. We would love to document what we’ve gone through and show how it has made us a stronger person, with the hope that it might inspire people going through similar circumstances. But then a well-meaning person tells us that if we did so, it might give someone the impression that we dwell too much on our problems and might not be fun to be around.

Someone once said “to have pain is to have certainty; to hear of someone else’s pain is to have doubt.” It sounds pessimistic, but dating on hard mode doesn’t embody the stoic optimpism of “no pain, no gain” that is embraced in other areas of life. We know our pain, and in what ways it has affected our outlook on life, for better or worse. But sharing some of it with someone who we only met recently is a risk, and language itself can be insufficient when expressing emotion.

What do you think? Should we exercise discretion in what we share of our pain? Or should we value openness over discretion, no matter the risk?

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