There are things that I want to say,
But just can’t quite express.
Ruminations and meditations
That I’m too afraid to address.
Like the veil over my eyes
That keeps me hidden from the stress.
To the dark wishes
That I’m fighting to suppress.
Like the fear and anxiety
That I will constantly transgress.
To the past expressions
That I am never going to confess.
Like how everything I do
Gives me nothing but duress.
To the unwavering ache and torment
That’s causing me to regress.
I must profess, I desire to express my stress
Confess to address this abscess, to…
A — Anxiety
Anxious animals apt at accentuating angst, apprehension, and annoyance.
B — BPD
Borderline bodies berating buddies based on biased beliefs.
C — Crisis Plan
Critical contracts created to consistently control crisis conundrums.
D — Depression
Dark days diabolically dictated by dubious and delusional diatribes.
E — Eating Disorder
Every edible entry erroneously examined, entirely eroding elation.
F — Fatigue
Floundering, flopping and feeling fried, with fleeting fierceness forcing forward fixes.
G — Gambling
Gluttonous gaming gods grabbing guy’s gold, gutting glorious goals.
H — Hoarding
Heedless of his hoard he haplessly hastens his having of a hundred more…
The body keeps the score. It holds onto stress, anxiety, fear, and anger. Years can pass between the traumatic event, and yet the body holds on.
This manifests as the dodgy knee, the cold shoulder, the IBS, the tension headaches and the stiff lower backs. It can cause injury, mobility loss, fatigue and referred pain.
Right now, I am feeling this in my belly. Every time I meditate or check into my body, I feel a massive knot of tension in my stomach.
It feels sickly, and toxic. It feels both ice cold and hot at the same time. It…
It is almost never a good idea to ‘get revenge’ or cause pain, even to those who have wronged you.
Not only may it set off a continual feud, but it won’t make you feel any better, at least in the long run.
You will still be hurting and in need of healing.
Similarly, it is rarely a good idea to wait for your abuser to recognise your pain and to help you fix the negative impact they have had on your life.
It is unlikely they will notice or care.
It’s analogous to a bully pushing a kid into…
Not a day goes by that thoughts of suicide don’t cross my mind.
They are almost always preceded by memories of trauma and neglect, or the feeling of being let down by those who should have been there for me.
Despite this I persist.
I rise and take action, and that action heals me.
Every day I learn the same lessons:
1. Thoughts of ending my life don’t last.
2. Moments of happiness can be found in every day, if I look for them.
3. I am no longer that weak and vulnerable little boy.
When I moved out at 16, I relied on charity, government support and night time work to get through school.
It wasn’t easy, and I wasn’t thriving, but I was at least surviving.
Flash forward and that same drive for independence is still here. Manifesting itself as distrust, fear, avoidance and social anxiety.
I often choose to ‘do it on my own’, not because I prefer it that way, but because I never learnt the skills necessary to trust and rely on others.
I am forced to learn those skills now, or go the rest of my life in a…
When you reframe your relationship with thoughts they lose some of their power.
You are not sad. You are feeling sad.
Taking that one mental step back changes everything.
It’s easy to say to yourself, ‘I am sad’.
But the reality is that you are not sad. You are feeling sad. Put another way; you are far more expansive than one feeling, and to identify yourself with the phrase ‘I am sad’ is limiting.
What you change your internal dialogue from, ‘I am sad’, into ‘I am feeling sad’, you detach. …
Mindfulness isn’t about emptying your mind of thoughts — that’s impossible.
It’s about observing the contents of consciousness as they are, for what they are, right now.
Without judgement, filter, or labels.
We observe thoughts, but don’t identify with them.
1: set a timer, take a seat and close your eyes.
2: draw your attention to the sensations of the breath at the nose.
3: if your attention wanders, gently acknowledge it and return your focus back to the breath.
4: repeat for the duration of the session.
5: meditate daily.
When we meditate, we are training the ability to…
Some days, and with some activities, all will power disappears.
It is as if a siren is going off, but no one is listening. Like I’m burning, but lack the motivation to douse myself. Like a dead line is fast approaching, yet I cannot seem to find a place to start.
The best work around I’ve found is a morning ritual. Doing certain things NO MATTER WHAT. Every day, in the same order (1: meditation, 2: exercise, 3: writing, 4: cleaning, 5: showering, 6: eating).
Eliminating small decisions also helps. I have a limited range of clothing (many…
✍️ Poet | Author | Podcaster | Mental Health Advocate