Hardship of a New Developer

Zaenul Hilmi
Sep 3, 2018 · 3 min read

This is a story about what I’ve been through when I just join a Tech Team.

“Always be the worst guy in every band you’re in. — so you can learn. The people around you affect your performance. Choose your crowd wisely.”
~ Chad Fowler

I’m in a band right now. Band of a really good programmers. They are sharp, insightful, and know most best practice that I don’t know. I’m the worst programmer here, literally. Instead of feeling lucky in such a crowd, I felt insecure for this. The wide gap between me and them. Dang it, I’m doomed!

Help! I need somebody’s help. Not just anybody. Help. You know I need someone. Heeeeeelp!

In my point of view, there is only one way to erase my insecurity from its very existence. The only way is to improve myself. I want to hone my skill until I can proudly stand up beside them. There’s no way I’d like to feel this way all the time when I work here. I’ll get better. Soon I’ll surpassed my own.

Not long after that. I just get owned by the issue that I handled. Too hard for me. Should I just fake it till I make it? Maybe it could be the answer. Yes, It must be the answer. I just have to flow along the stream and someday maybe I’ll arrive at the end of the river happily.

Turn out life is not that kind. Only dead fish flow with the stream. I fake it but I don’t make it. No no no. Not make it at all. The issue that I’ve been assigned was not finished yet. There are deadline standing up and staring in front of me saying You’re pathetic. Not saying anything, other programmers help me and that issue was done in a flash.

Insecurity has grown stronger in me.

I’m a full pledged dark lord

Now I know that I have nothing to lose. I’m the worst programmer here. It will be the reason that I’m the one who’ll learn the most.

Its actually true. I’ve been learn so much all this time. Practice that I never know, now already in the back of my head. I’m better than my self before I join this company.

At the end of my probation, I got slapped.

I am being slapped by my realization

You’re good. Welcome to the team they said.


When I think of it now, maybe this thing happened. I have something called impostor syndrome.

A visual representation of impostor syndrome

The lessons learned are never overthinking at something, do your best, learn from other programmers, asking for help is a good things to do and never afraid to ask anything even if it’s dumb as it sound. Be curious!

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.
~ Chinese Proverb

How about you? How does your probation going?

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