On contentment (or getting comfortable with ‘outsider’ status)

Last Saturday, Amal and I went to Minnal’s birthday party in Cubbon Park. The venue was lovely — nice open space, enough slides and swings for kids to play on, a covered area for a classical Indian music performance, and lots of parents and kids.

Amal and I were the first to show up at Minnal’s party. That was swell. After exchanging a few pleasantries, Amal got on to exploring the rides and decided she’d sit on the merry-go-round which had ducks as seats. That was swell too.

Then, other children with their parent / parents started to arrive. I did not know most of the parents. In an earlier life, when I was an academic and advocate, I’d probably have known some of them. Now I am in the league of tech startups (where I feel out of place too).

There was much socialization among the parents and conversations too. Socialization and conversations are sort of missing from my life because my work and role demand a great deal of emotional availability to colleagues in the day. By 5 PM each evening, I have only enough energy to be emotionally available to myself and to Amal. For a moment, therefore, I felt like an outsider to the party. But Amal’s company was turning out to be a lot more enjoyable. Actually, there wasn’t really company in the sense of conversations between us – there was just Amal demanding I turn the merry-go-round, and implicitly and explicitly, I was watching myself in relation to other adults in the party setting while ‘being’ with her.

This process of observation was rather insightful and peaceful.

I was suddenly an insider and outsider to myself.

Amal kept demanding the merry-go-round be turned faster. I kept asking Amal, at regular intervals, if she’d like to move to another ride like the swing or the slide. Actually, I wanted the change and novelty, and also the opportunity to interact with some of the other parents. Amal was very content being the only person on the ducky-merry-go-round. As I asked the questions: ‘do you want to sit on ‘that’ swing?’ ‘do you want to try ‘this’ slide?’ she kept saying ‘no, no-no’. With each question, it became clear to me that I was the one wanting the change and move away from solitude. Amal was perfectly happy and content.

As the evening went along, I realized I was becoming more and more content. The feelings of being outsider to the party were no longer bothersome. Being an outsider actually felt good (as it has felt good earlier to be an outsider, an observer and an ethnographer). Amal and I moved inside the covered shed, eventually, to listen to Rajesh’s chatter about Minnal and then the performance. By then, I was totally loving being with Amal. She was so comfortable with herself, and when she wanted, she was comfortable interacting with others too.

By the end of the evening, I realized there’s a great deal to be learned from children about contentment and becoming comfortable with one’s self. I believe children really have no inhibitions and pressures (perhaps until some age) to interact with others and to ‘engage’ in ‘conversations’. There’s enough to be gotten from the moment, the present, instead of trying to ‘fit’ one’s self into a situation where one feels there’s belonging and contentment to be attained.

Here’s three cheers to Amal!