Someone asked me,
“Are you settled into motherhood?”
I live in a place,
It is called home.
A corner of this house has a table.
On it lie pieces of Amal’s jigsaw puzzles.
Some organized in a box.
Some disorganized, out of the box.
That table, it is so unsettling.
I live with a man.
He is called the husband.
At work, we share a professional relationship.
At home, we have a conjugal relationship.
The work relationship, it is so settled (yet unsettling).
The conjugal relationship, it is so unsettled (yet subtly settling for the reactions between us).
And that relationship which involves Amal between us,
Is so settled (that it is unsettling).
This girl, she is born of me.
We named her Amal.
In moments when she laughs,
She seems so settled.
In moments when she cries,
She (and I) is (are) so unsettling.
This place I go to, outside home,
It is called work.
For years it has been unsettling.
These days, it feels settled.
But now, my time (and habits) are unsettled.
Settled and unsettled – are these (mental) states?
Settled and unsettled – are these (temporal) phases?
Settled and unsettled – are these (seductive) thoughts?
[Dedicated to Rajeef M.K.]