Self-love is Calmness

Zainab Karim
Jul 28, 2017 · 3 min read

Self-love is the new “it” word. Everyone’s talking about self-love and suddenly everyone has become an expert on it. People are quitting jobs and traveling the world and going minimalist and breaking toxic relationships and meditating all for this small little word… self-love. And maybe a sprinkle of inner peace. And a side of gratitude.

All these magical words… Contentment, happiness, confidence. What do they mean? Who decides what they mean? Most importantly, who gets to tell us how to achieve them — and on what grounds?

The small-business owner and entrepreneur who sells aromatherapy candles? Or the self-help author who’s launching a new book? How about the make-up artist who just created her own range of organic skin care?

Human nature has it such that when we’re stuck in the dark and someone holds up a light, we’ll walk towards it because our instinct tells us it’s survival above all… Survival above self-worth, survival above reason, survival above SELF.

That drive, that desire we feel as we are drawn towards that light comes from an imbalance. It comes from “I need that to be (insert magical word).” Nothing about the way gratitude and inner peace have been defined in today’s industries is natural or real. They tell you that the correct way to be grateful is to have a gratitude journal (that, oh, they just happen to be selling!), and to be peaceful you need to light a stress-relief candle. The manufacturing industries use visions of light and color and allure and unicorn confetti to define self-love for us, and then hold up the beacon and beckon us towards them to finally find the self-love we’ve all been longing for. Sure, they’ll give you the magic potion, the secret concoction to achieving contentment, all you need to do is give them all your $$$s. They create that imbalance in you so that they can tell you they can help you fix it.

The truth is, we have powers in our hearts that are bigger than any make-up ad and stronger than any scented candle. Any feelings of insecurities, doubt, anxiety, low self-esteem can all be fixed right within ourselves, internally. No need for outsourcing.

A quote by Marcus Aurelius brought to my attention by my dearest is all you need to remember from this spiel. Are you ready?

What stands in the way becomes the way.

Say it again.

What stands in the way… becomes the way.

Oh that annoying pimple on your chin. And those god-awful stretchmarks on your thighs. Your out-of-style clothes. Your maxed-out credit cards. Your friends who always look better than you. Your cousin who always irritates you. Your partner who always looks like he’s judging you. Your Pinterest board wish list or the bucket list in your diary…

All now become the way to calmness.

Calmness. Self-reflection. Quiet observation.

These are your answers. This is what you’re looking for. Rumi says, what you seek is seeking you.

Observe the world around you, observe the people and observe the patterns. Let’s bring back some questions:

All these magical words… Contentment, happiness, confidence. What do they mean? Who decides what they mean? Most importantly, who gets to tell us how to achieve them — and on what grounds?

The answer is YOU — and on your own grounds. On your own terms, at your own pace. You’re stronger than you think. Always remember this Mexican proverb:

They tried to bury us. They didn’t know we were seeds.

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