damn

breaking up

For those who are suffering;

It’s tough we know,

unending heartache,

lonely nights,

can’t breathe right

can’t eat right

can’t stop thinking about her.

She was the one,

but now completely done

could’ve

should’ve

didn’t.

Time wasted

swearing and cursing that spell

a cell now locked by bitterness.

We may say:

“ we could’ve worked out.”

“deep down she still loves me.”

but it’s over and really take it as an opportunity to let her go.

Everyone has the capacity to learn from a breakup

take it as an opportunity to develop your tenacity,

your independence.

It may seem that she was your entire world

your everything.

But don’t you see the selfishness in that statement,

she doesn’t have to be there for you and vice versa.

Having true self contentment is the solution that I propose.

Needing no one’s company nor affection.

This way you’ll be comfortable with existence no matter what.

Without a doubt this may be a hard task, some may find it easier than others.

But in the end,

when you do develop this emotional contentment, then can you give abundantly and unconditionally to your partner and everyone around you.

No longer needing or desiring attention and affection

but rather offering due to the abundance which exists inside you.

This is the way that, I feel, builds the most genuine and authentic relationships.

But how do we cultivate this inner contentment?

A few methods/steps;

  1. awareness
  2. sustainable action

awareness

  1. acknowledgement

Firstly we need to acknowledge that we do have an issue and that we are looking externally as our sources of security.

Examples of “outsourcing security” would be:

  • building and maintaining friendships for the sake of curing feelings of loneliness
  • basing your self worth on how other people view you ( how rich you are, how cool you are , how many cool shoes you own )
  • texting people just to cure boredom
  • seeking approval from others
  • constantly hanging out with friends so you don’t seem lonely

sustainable action

  1. self inquiry

Eg: when I’m thinking about how i should text my friend just to alleviate boredom, think about why you are calling him up.

Are you just using him as entertainment?

Do you even genuinely care for this person

Or when you want to do something silly just to gain attention, think about the habit that you’re reinforcing.

Fuelling the habit that says “Hi I need approval from you guys, if not I cannot stand my own company.”

Arguably this is one of the worst ways that you could live your lives, living unhappily with the person that you spend 100% of the time with.

After acknowledging the serious repercussions of not solving this problem we tend to have better control over ourselves.

(Generally in this alone time I really enjoy thinking deeply about myself and having periods of reflection and introspection.)

  1. reading

Reading more, especially about philosophy ( directly translates to love of wisdom ) and ethics can help us to broaden our perspectives on life, increasing our understanding of the world and effectively increasing perspective on the issues that we face. ( it aids your english language skills as well, Bonus points ! huzzah! )

Some good books that I strongly recommend:

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius ( under penguin classics )

gist of book:

the diary and reflections of a roman emperor who was considered in his time to be one of the best rulers.

Pros

  • aids in giving life some purpose as it shows the inner most reflections of a roman emperor
  • highly personal
  • generally structured as a series of epiphanies and reminders that the man wrote for himself
  • good use of vocabulary to illustrate ideas
  • mild introduction into stoic philosophy ( a way of life romans used to live by )

Cons

  • english is a little chim and you may require a dictionary to understand certain words

If you do decide to get this try to find the one that is translated by Martin Hammond, the other translations use really old shakespeare-esqe english with all the “ye , thou , art” stuff which makes it increasingly difficult to read.

Conclusion:

  1. Realise that breakups are fine
  2. Understand what you are going through
  3. Take it as an opportunity to develop emotional independence
  4. Read more books to improve quality of life and english

I speak from a place of empathy,

having dealt with such emotions before.

take care

:>

-Z

photo creds: https://static.tumblr.com/9fb1725bf5431878420ca5eb9f00e076/ey0rryn/8lFn3dt43/tumblr_static_liubpxk.jpg

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