Until you spread your wings, you’ll have no idea how far you can fly — Unknown

Your road to success is going to be just like a long flight. It won’t be a domestic 3-hour flight over lands you have seen before. No. Not even close. You will be flying over and landing in the deserts of motivation. You will crush it the jungles of failure. You will have to stop and fuel your tank in cold lands of pain. If you will be an arrogant and selfish pilot, you will land forever in the city of loneliness.

If you want to end up somewhere else bear with me. First you need to have is a vision, a dream which will be the map to your destination. Motivation will make your plane take off, but to fly it and stay in the air you need to grow your wings, your solid foundation, your habits. Habits are your wings. Habits make you fly. To stay in the air and go towards your destination you need fill your tank constantly. Your positive emotions and attitude are your fuel. Trigger moments you’ve developed are your fuel pump. If you allow your tank to be empty you will stop, you will fail, you will crash. There is no doubt about that.


First step is to identify your emotional habits. You get what you tolerate. You say This is me. When all this is, is a habit. It’s a habit of how you look at life. How you use your body. The language that you use. My habit was to get mad every time something unexpected suddenly when very wrong. Especially, when it was not my fault. It doesn’t sound very good, but this was me. I had some moments when I was hitting and kicking the wall in a wild frenzy. Yep I’m not proud of that. I have even thrown my cellphone at work once. That mindset, that habit of momentary rage started long before my work in a bank. From when I can remember That was me. To fan the flames, I was always so competitive that I broke my tennis rackets in training couple times.

Lonely TNT

I was a walking time bomb. The funny thing is that I have never went to that state of being furious during a game, business call or a meeting. Never. Actually it happened only a few times in front of other people. The was due to the way I have subconsciously created my habit. It allowed me to get extremely mad only was I was by myself or with a person very close to me. All my friends including the closet ones always thought I was the uncommonly calm guy, who always keep himself cool. In almost all situations I was. The things, the problems which were making my friends stressed and frustrated were a piece of cake for me, but I had my own triggers and detonators. The biggest one was the unexpected change of my ‘so highly significant’ plans. Now it is hard for me to believe how deeply I was ingrained with that habit. This was causing so much pain to me and people closets to me. But I’ve never thought about getting it under control. I was not seeing it as a problem. It never crossed my mind.

Get it under control

If you think closely and honestly about your life, about your reactions to different situations you will notice that you have your own negative habits. Sometimes even self-destructive like I had. I don’t want to hurt you, I want to make you aware of your reactions. Get them under control and then finally change them forever. To do it you need to train yourself psychically, the same way you train your body physically.

You get what you tolerate

All of us have bad days. That’s very normal. We often get frustrated but we don’t want to stay in that state. It’s like a muscle and you choose to train yourself to be frustrated, stressed, or sad. We all need to avoid that kind of training. The more you do something the more wired you get. Instead you can condition yourself to feel passionate, strong, forgiving, humble, happy and strong. Don’t do what others do. Don’t settle for average. You get what you tolerate. It’s up to you regain control over your habits.

Designing new habits

Without working on, developing and preserving the best habits, it’s impossible to succeed. But how to create new empowering habits?

First you need to clarify what your habit needs to look like to succeed. If you don’t know how to do it you, follow 4 steps below and write answers to each question.

  1. Choose an area of your life that you would like to improve, fix or build. Describe what that area looks like right now. What’s the reality? Be honest with yourself. How you want it to be and how it is now?
  2. There are certain rituals that got you here and will not let you go unless you break them apart. There usually is bunch of little things that you are doing consistently which sabotage your life. Write all the rituals that put you in the place you are now. What habits shaped your current circumstances? Now is the time to realize it and start making it right.
  3. Think about what is your dream, your vision for life? What is your irresistible fascination? What is your life’s destination? It’s about your vision, not anyone else. Don’t limit yourself. Be specific. You need to see it with your own eyes.
  4. Write down all the habits that will get you to your destination. What would you need to do differently each day to get where you want to be?

Now you can confront your reality with your desires. How does it look? Do your daily actions follow your words or your thoughts? Are you happy with your behaviors? Will it be enough?

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