How to Talk to a Man Who Insists On Approaching You When You Are Wearing Headphones

These days, many men walk around assuming that women are simply ornamental in their environment, and that women are happy and willing to be judged solely on their attractiveness and, based on the male’s assessment, to be spoken to no matter what else she might be doing at the time. This includes such times as when you are publicly wearing headphones, which is well known as the universal symbol for Fuck Off And Leave Me Alone. Yet, that doesn’t mean these men get the hint and actually will leave you alone.

Not all men will approach you, because not all men are entitled overgrown three year olds who can’t stand not being the centre of attention. This is a holdover from when Mommy gave her focus to anyone or anything other than him, even though little weewee was perfectly happy playing with his junk all afternoon, but the second he heard Mommy talking to someone on the phone he’d instantly piss on the floor and turn into a wailing, screaming, flailing bag of angst because the universe must revolve around him and only him at all times.

However, if one of these overgrown pee-scented manbabies sees you wearing headphones and notices that you appear to be as pleasing to the eye as those women in the pages of whatever Men’s Magazine he receives (still on paper so he can fap off to it in his mother’s basement), and therefore he decides you are like a cupcake on a bakery shelf and must be acquired, he will almost always take the opportunity to be an invasive dickhead.

Seeing this man approaching you doesn’t always mean he is a rapist or wants to assault you. Sometimes, it’s simply a case of him being completely self-centred and oblivious to boundaries and social norms, and deciding that your personal space and objectives aren’t remotely relevant to the situation at that particular time since he wants to see if he can get in your pants.

If you are able to fend off these at best egotistical manbabies and at worst potential rapists, you will almost certainly be safer and happier long-term.

Here’s how a man’s sense of entitlement works and how you can use that to get him to go fuck himself.

What to do to get him to fuck off.

  1. You may notice him standing in front of you, as close as 1 meter, which is certainly an uncomfortable invasion of personal space. You’ve probably already been aware of him for some time, since as women we’re always aware of people around us because we’ve been taught to be vigilant and aware of potential attackers around us since we were five years old.
  2. Quickly take an environmental inventory. Does there appear to be an emergency? Is he a first responder who needs to urgently speak to you about an emergent situation in the area? Is your hair on fire? If none of the above apply, and he’s smiling, he’s probably trying to flirt with you and thus none of the above are applicable, so you can continue to ignore him.
  3. If he won’t take the hint and waves his hand in your face, which ohmigod are you serious, quickly assess threat level. Does he appear dangerous? Are you in a safe area? Can you reach safety? Can you dial 911 if you need to? Does he appear to have the keys to a windowless van in his hand? Assess all exit strategies and make use of one or more if necessary. If after this assessment you realize he’s just an overcologned and overstimulated giant three year old and you, by going about your life and not focusing on him represent mommy on the telephone, you can continue to ignore.
  4. If, by accident, you happen to catch his eye and he makes some exaggerated mime-like movement demanding you take off your headphones, feel free to continue to ignore him. In most cases, men will get the hint, but some men are wildly self-entitled and cannot grasp that that not only do you have no obligation to engage with them, you just plain don’t want to. You’re busy, you have shit to do, and today he’s not on your vagenda. Tomorrow’s not looking good either.
  5. Then, do what we call “Shutting that Shit down” by quickly shooting him some vicious side-eye and saying, without removing headphones, that if he gets one step closer you’re dialing 911. This is to demonstrate that you understand that a man approaching you in this way is threatening, aggressive, hostile and annoying.

This helps him understand that you are not fucking around with his giant entitled manbaby ass.

What to Say If You Decide To Take Off Your Headphones Because You Can’t Believe Someone Would Be So Rude Without Actually Having Something Important To Say:

Him: Hey — I know it’s not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was walking along and saw you and thought — wow, she’s a cutie —

You: (Realizing the faint hope you gave for importance or relevance is toast) So wait — you visually assessed me, found me pleasing to the eye, and decided that telling me that would flatter me enough that I’d stop anything else I was doing and bestow my attentions on you? I’m not a fucking show dog, you shallow, vapid ass.

Him: Hey, you don’t have to be so uptight about it. I was paying you a compliment.

You: Oh, you think I should be grateful that a complete stranger disrupted me in order to tell me his dick twitched when you saw me? Wow, so flattering, except minus several thousand points for the vomitous mental image.

Him: Wow, you’re a bitch.

You: Yep. (reinsert headphones, preferably miming along to Beyonce.)

Then keep walking, obviously staying well aware of your surroundings since these types of men don’t like being shut down by women and will likely either shout obscenities after you or stand and wonder if he can actually do anything legally to make you pay attention to him, like fake a heart attack or something.

An overgrown three year old masquerading as a man can approach women anywhere, even if she is wearing headphones, walking her dog in the park or working in a clothing store. As long as women have the right attitude, and perhaps a can of pepper spray, most men will run away, penises and egos shrivelled.

When a guy approaches a woman in a confident and self-assured way and asks her to take off her headphones because he has something to say to her, she usually will, because she assumes he is telling her something of vital and immediate importance (“hello other person in the immediate vicinity, I am informing you not to walk in that direction because the street is closed due to a water main break/the police have cordoned off the area due to a murder of an overgrown three year old fuckboi/your hair is on fire.”). He then needs to understand that if what he has to say is not on that list of immediate need-to-knows, he’s gross and he should go home and never leave the house again.

Commmon Mistakes Guys Make When Approaching Women Who Are Wearing Headphones

  1. Not having vital news of immediate importance to relay.
  2. Thinking that because she’s hot, he has a right to interrupt her to try to flirt with her.
  3. Thinking he can control her or the interaction.
  4. Not apologizing and leaving immediately to go soak his head in his toilet and think about his life choices.

Most Women Are Seriously Sick Of Being Approached

As you may have noticed, women don’t usually go around approaching men. Women know that basically most of the time they have way more important shit to take care of than talking to some entitled and overconfident three year old they met on the street.

Men, on the other hand, don’t realize that their advances are not only unwelcome, they’re boring. Most women just couldn’t give a rat’s ass if they are approached by a loser wearing too much Polo as they’re walking down the street. Seriously, go away and use your energy to change the world for the better and maybe then we’ll give a shit about you.

How to Shake A Man Who Insists On Talking To You While You’re Wearing Headphones: The Secret.

The key to shaking a man who is trying to get you to pay attention to him while you’re wearing headphones (or while you’re on your phone, working or basically doing whatever you choose to do while this idiot douchebro tries to get your attention like your basic three year old) is to leave him unambiguous about exactly how you feel about him interrupting you: Annoyed.

Illustrate this by ripping a giant fart as you walk away, just for good measure.