The Dos and Don’ts of Dealing With Abusers In Your Own Home: A Handy Guide.
Dear Duggars,
Hi. It’s been a week, hasn’t it? I bet right now you’re wishing God would just kind of pop up and tell you what to do about this whole everyone-knows-Josh-abused-his-sisters thing. Cause, wow, that’s a tough one. Your own child, abusing your own children. It’s awful. But listen, not to worry. I know you must have questions, and even though I’m not God (I have a vagina, so despite the fact that I can totally create life I think that disqualifies me from being an actual god, at least in your church) I do have a list of a few things here that might be helpful. It’s just some easy “Do”s and Don’t”s on how to deal with revelations of sex abuse in your home. I am totally not an expert, of course, but I reno’d a kitchen once so I think that qualifies me in your eyes, right? Anyway here you go, and listen, don’t let the axeing of your show get you down. Mama June got canned too and she is doing just fine, amirite?
A Handy List Of Ways To Handle Sexual Abuse Revelations In Your Home.
DO: Believe your daughters.
DON’T: Give the abuser’s denial more weight than his victim’s accounts, therefore giving him the opportunity to keep abusing right under your nose.
DO: Protect your daughters.
DON’T: Keep the abuser under the same roof with vulnerable victims.
DO: Seek out professional, educated therapists and counselors skilled at dealing with sexual abuse victims and their abusers.
DON’T: Send the abuser off to build houses with some guy for a while and figure that will fix everything.
DO: Give your daughters space to feel safe, including establishing appropriate boundaries away from their abuser.
DON’T: Open up your doors to a television network months after this goes down and tell everyone, including the victims, to smile and play happy families for the nation alongside their abuser.
DO: Approach proper authorities if a crime has been committed.
DON’T: Report the crime to your cop buddy who also just happens to have a thriving side business in kiddie porn.
DO: Reach out to your community for support.
DON’T: Circle the wagons and let the echo chamber of GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF IT prevent you from getting your children the help they so desperately need.
DO: Teach your girls that when someone is touching them inappropriately, they have full permission to scream out loud, jump away, and draw as much attention as possible to the person who is violating them.
DON’T: Teach your girls that women must be submissive to men. You might as well have paved the road right to their bedsides with that one.
DO: Teach women that their bodies are their own, and that nobody owns their bodies except themselves.
DON’T: Teach women that their bodies belong to someone else at all times. “Who owns me today? Is it Daddy, or Jesus, or my future husband?” No.
DO: Teach boys that it’s OK and normal to have sexual urges, and that those urges are their own responsibility to manage and control. The urges are not the responsibility of the girl they happen to be looking at when they get a boner. Teach the boys that they can walk away; they can chill themselves out; or they can even go home, lock the bathroom door, beat off, and then resume life as usual like every other teenage boy in the world.
DON’T: Teach boys that they need to completely suppress their sexual urges until they are married to a submissive woman who will then be obliged to satisfy the whims of their penises on demand.
DO: Put your own house in order before pretending to be models of virtue in front of a nation.
DON’T: Preach about how homosexuals are an abomination and risk to children, when someone who has abused children is living under your own roof.
Do: Fix your past mistakes. It’s not too late.
Don’t: Pretend you did nothing wrong. Because you did.
