Social Media’s Obsession with ‘aesthetics’: The Rise of ‘that girl’ and ‘femcel’ Communities
In this era, chronically online women who label themselves with different aesthetics are known to frequently use an artistically identified list of things they currently consume or wish to consume in order to express themselves. In one of the case studies made by a Youtube content creator, Cara Nicole, she talks about the VSCO girl aesthetic, which is basically a style where women wear oversized shirts, scrunchies, relaxed shoes, and backpacks. She mentioned that the VSCO girl aesthetic was a cultural reaction to the glam look trend of 2010, which was popularized by the likes of the Kardashians, and it sets the foundation of the recent aesthetics. From then on, these subcultures of social media established the practice of buying items and consuming more products to fit a certain vibe. For example, magazines such as Teen Vogue were publishing articles about a “certain aesthetic” starter pack. Also, the popularity of Pinterest boards came to action. These are lists of inspiration for what to add to their wardrobe to fit an aesthetic. However, it goes beyond just clothing and accessories; it also goes into things like beauty and technology, such as specific brands of lip balm like EOS, Fuji Film cameras, AirPods, etc.
A subculture of consumption exists because people are now identified with certain objects and activities they consume. It can be clearly seen on social media since it is easy to build a digital community. Specific examples that I want to focus on are the “that girl” and “femcel” communities, which evolved mainly on TikTok. Upon first glance, it looks just like your typical VSCO girl, where women basically just copy their fashion. However, these trends became a lifestyle above anything else. If you just look like them but don’t act like them, it might come across as quite shallow. This is where the popularity of certain films, books, and music comes into play as well. Not only are they labeling you based on your consumption of products, but they are now teaching you what to listen, read, and watch to become that type of girl.
The internet’s ability to connect people based on aesthetic subcultures is really amazing, but it is worrying that sometimes people use material things to shortcut identity and personality. The consumption of products and media is molding that identity in the first place and then connecting people with a community that reinforces that identity. In addition, the disposability of these subcategories is concerning. Yes, it is cool that this generation is so creative at creating names when new things come up. However, the constant cycle of forgetting about it a month later and coming up with a new one is exhausting.
Who exactly is that girl?
Urban Dictionary defines that girl as a girl who gets up at 5 a.m., meditates, drinks smoothies, showers every day, writes in her journals, has a daily workout routine, and eats healthy food. To be that girl, you must work on becoming the best version of yourself by changing your habits, being productive, and planning your days ahead. You also need to be physically and mentally healthy. And if you’ve done all of these, there is a promise of success; that is why everyone wants to be that girl. What makes this trend appealing to a lot of people is how it is portrayed on social media; content creators try hard to make it aesthetically pleasing. In addition, most of these content creators are financially stable, either self-employed or entrepreneurs. Basically, it is the new “girl boss” of this era.
But where did it come from? In March 2020, most countries went into lockdown to prevent the spread of COVID-19. People were either working or studying from home and some were not working at all. Everyone’s world got a lot smaller. They were now spending every minute of every day between their four walls. Since they were mostly at home, people wanted to make the most of it by making their living space look nice and be a representation of themselves, and we are all aware that a good living space can make people more productive. Because of that, homeware products became rampant from funky mirrors, LED lights, fake leaves to organizers like pencil holders and bookshelves.
There are problems with being that girl. If you identify yourself as that girl, you would be urged to consume products that are recommended by this community. That girl is not much into clothing style, but more on furniture for your space. They might be selling them for a cheap price, but if you hoard them, it could lead to overconsumption, which will eventually go to waste when another trend is on. Furthermore, the that girl trend promotes toxic productivity. This trend is basically a product of late-stage capitalism. For instance, the finance men who are obsessed with Wolf of Wall Street, posting quotes about grind and hustle. Although that girl is subtly sending you this kind of message, it is still a trend that encourages you to work hard and manifest your own success. Since we live in a capitalist society, we measure success by our career and how much we earn. Grounding your life in this whole mindset could be draining. It is okay if you use this trend to be inspired in becoming the best version of yourself. However, you must understand that you’ll not be that girl every day. After all, all the things we see in media are not real. The girl you’re watching is not always that girl. She also rests from time to time.
The Femcel Community
In contradiction to that girl, femcels are the women who do not have their shit together. They could be considered as the deviants on social media. First, let us talk about what femcels are from; it is from the root word, incel that stands for involuntary celibate that means someone, anybody of any gender, cannot have sex, not by choice. There are some incidents where individuals chose violence because of this. Example of this is Elliot Rodger, a 22-year-old man who went on a shooting and stabbing spree that killed six people before he committed suicide. Before this incident, it was revealed that he distributed a 141-page document that talks about his hatred towards women and his frustrations about being a virgin. Another example is Alec Minassian who drove his van into a crowded road that killed 10 people and injured 16. After that, he told the police that he was an incel and his action is a revenge plot because he cannot get laid. The incel community has then evolved into an unhealthy internet group and a terrorist threat. Comparing it to femcels, the only common denominator is that, they cannot get laid or get into a relationship because of their certain personality or physical appearance. Femcels believe that there is something wrong about them that makes them different from other women.
When femcel developed into a type of aesthetic subculture, women mostly expressed themselves through fashion, sharing their traumas online, talking about the music they were listening to, or unhinged female characters that were apparently just like them. Women who follow this trend are being conditioned to believe that their identities are primarily determined solely by their neuroses since they are frequently exposed to these roundups of cultural trends where mental diseases are normally talked about. For instance, a TikTok content creator you follow uses Lana Del Rey music in every video she posts; her favorite movie is Virgin Suicides; and her favorite novel is The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. For a social media girl who also expresses herself through these subcategories, this could be an indication that the content creator suffers from depression. She is a female manipulator and a femcel.
As I have said, this trend is the opposite of that girl. While many women are inspired to become productive, there are some who are uninspired and see that girl as something inaccessible to everyone. The femcel community sets this idea that you must have your own self-awareness, embracing that side of you that is imperfect. However, there are problems with this trend as well. Femcels tend to relate themselves to sad girl music and unhinged characters in movies, shows, or books. First, the depiction in the media is something unreal, and while you embrace your imperfections, it could promote romanticism of bad behaviors. In addition, making this as an identity has a tendency to see the world as a fucked-up place where you cannot do anything about. These characteristics can bring other women down, ingraining in their minds that there is no hope for them to get better.
The Verdict
I, myself, am guilty of becoming one of these women in some phases of my life. I once jumped into the that girl trend, but when inconveniences happened, I became one of those femcels. It is becoming a cycle. One day, I feel like Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction and tomorrow I will be like Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. Today I’m going to use dark lipstick, dye my hair red, and put on eyeliner to complete my dark feminine look. But when I just got paid with my job, I became a live, laugh, and love type of girl who likes to work hard and work on her career. For me, changing my mood like this is a coping mechanism for every experience I am having. Maybe at some point in my life, I’ve felt pressured to become that girl. I want to organize my working space, but I cannot do that because I do not have that kind of place in my home. So, I ended up becoming upset because I couldn’t be that girl if I didn’t have this or that. I’ve also tried to trauma dump on social media, shut off people, and drown in my undiagnosed mental illness because that’s what femcels told me to do, but I regret it eventually because it made me feel ashamed of my actions.
In digging deeper into the roots and causes of these types of subcultures, I have realized how they could impact people’s lives, especially women. They can distort your self-perceptions, making you think that you are not enough to be that girl or that you cannot change your toxic behavior because of your traumas. These trends may also lead to overconsumption of media and products that you do not really need in order to survive. They give you a falsely curated identity that is shaped by what you consume or desire. For me, it is okay to sometimes indulge in things that make you happy, to seek some validation to be understood, and to become inspired to become better. However, you should not always attribute your actions to them. Who would you be if you stopped consuming? We consume so much that we don’t know how to exist only as ourselves anymore. We should keep in mind that, at the end of the day, you can express your authentic self through your own creation and not through consumption.
