My Name Is Really Lucille, Lucille

I had the pleasurable distinction of being named after a nun (my aunt) and a pope (my aunt’s idea of a joke). All right, Pope Pius X was canonized the year I was born, and my aunt didn’t know enough about me yet to name me Beelzebub.

Literally, my name means most brilliant human being known to man or beast — all right, it really means pious light. In fact, if you want to get real technical, Lucille means light, and my middle name “Pia” means pious.

I don’t know why in the Celestial Barbecue Pit my family thinks my name wasn’t appropriate! In fact, their attitudes would honk me off if I wasn’t so darn meek and mild.

Anyway, Lucille isn’t all that common. When I was a kid, I hated it. Kenny rogers made me wish my name was anything but. After all, I don’t have 4 hungry children or a crop in the field.

I have three cats that I’ve recently fed, and am thinking about starting an herb garden, but those facts don’t justify every idiot I have ever met singing that loathsome ditty to me when they find out that my name isn’t really G-d, but as I’ve admitted earlier, Lucille.

Today, I called the Philippines or Bombay for a little tech support. The woman who fielded my call gave me the support I requested. In the beginning of the call, when she was asking the 3 dozen questions she had to ask before we could get down to business, I found out her name was also “Lucille”. I didn’t have a chance to ask her if she was pious as well, because she already thought I was nuts when I told her…