Getting Wiser?

Had 2 surprises recently and I’m glad that this time, I held my composure well.

The first was an event I desperately tried to avoid. It happened last week. I am surprised to find that I didn’t have the same level of panic attack I used to have although I would rather still have avoided it of course. The view wasn’t clear anyway, so it could just be a Type II error. Still, this look like good progress to me on things.

The second surprise this week was 1 that suddenly hits me with lots of regret for not fully realizing it earlier as I previously get too engrossed over silly moral beliefs and such.

Actually I did thought about it from time to time especially this year but my mind just bluff myself it’s not since I was still wallowing in the stupid intrusive thoughts from the past. But — it could be for the best too. I’m just not good enough after all. I learn from the past this time and I think I handled the situation pretty well. Knowing what to say & what not.

Such is life. This is a big wake up call. I’m tired of trying so hard to be bad. Time to get my mood back.

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