I once knew a method acting instructor who taught that in order to convey a character’s emotion, actors must learn to create a trigger which bridges to a vivid experience of that emotion. For example, an actress’ connection to genuine, deep sadness may be the memory of the day her father died. So as not to go through the process of remembering the incident and reliving the raw pain each time she has a sad scene to perform, the actress creates a trigger that bridges to the emotion. Perhaps it’s the tie her father was buried in. When grief is called for in a scene, the actress pictures the trigger to subconsciously bridge to that moment of sadness. By thinking of the tie, grief is conveyed physically and emotionally, without her having to think directly about her father’s death.
Hearing about this method, it occurred to me that I already have triggers that subconsciously bridge to incidents and relationships in my childhood, and instantly affect my mood and physical state, and even my decision making. I do not use these triggers intentionally, as an actress does, they just happen. I thought immediately of a college professor who had been very supportive and positive in her treatment of me, but towards whom I had an inexplicably intense aversion. When I broke it down through the lens of method acting, I saw that she had mannerisms, and used phrases, very similar to my grandmother. She was not mean, manipulative, and psychopathic the way my grandmother was, but the way this woman leaned forward, hands on her knees, when she expressed her opinions made me instantly defensive. It would not have mattered what this professor said—I felt angry before she got a full sentence out. Her mannerisms were a trigger that constructed an irrational bridge between my present state of mind and consuming emotions from my past.
Once I became aware of that bridge, other bridges were visible as well, and I understood that while an actress relies on triggering emotional bridges to do her job well, for me it was a destructive and unhelpful phenomenon.
These bridges needed to be burned! The way that bridges are burned during war—once the good guys are safely across the bridge, they blow it up so the bad guys can’t reach them. (In war, it can be pretty hard to say who exactly the good guys are and who the bad guys are. Inside your head it’s easier because you get to be the judge!)
So, I constructed physical representations of the bridges that had formed between a past pain or injustice or regret, and the present moment. I lived with the bridges for a short time, and then I burned them. Fun to construct, meaningful to contemplate, FUN to burn!
In fact, this was so much fun, and so liberating, that I decided to share the kerosene, so to speak. I arranged to facilitate Burning Bridges workshops, and each one was meaningful, humorous, and potent. But you don’t need a workshop to burn bridges yourself because I will share my process, and you can also make it up as you go along!
Right here let me say that I am an artist who likes to ignite things, and that is the field in which I have a degree. I am not a therapist or counselor of any kind, and this is in no way mental health advice that I am giving out, nor is it any other kind of advice. I’m simply sharing an art experiment that you can try, or adapt, or ignore.
Also, should you be inspired to do your own little flammable art project, be careful! Fire is dangerous. Don’t break laws of government or nature. Use a firepit or other appropriate apparatus. Follow instructions listed on flammable substances. Don’t burn toxic materials that your neighbor and the local Fire Marshall will be upset about. And by all means don’t go saying, “Well this lady on the internet said this would solve all of my problems and told me to light a big fire.”
So, to be clear, this is not advice, it’s just a description of how I have gone about burning bridges, and have witnessed others do so, and it has been helpful to me and sometimes to others.
· A nagging issue from the past that is hard to let go of, or come to terms with.
· An awareness of the triggers that make one experience the emotions connected with said experience as if it were still happening in the present.
· Art/craft supplies and everyday materials, like twine, fancy paper, craft sticks, hockey tape, Lincoln logs, feathers, coins, twigs, ribbon, colored pencils, clay, scrap booking stuff…..
· A fire pit, charcoal grill, hibachi, or other device specifically designed for containing flames.
· Self-lighting charcoal briquettes, or kindling and crumpled up newspapers.
I build a platform first. I like my bridges to have water underneath, but that’s just me. I’ve seen people put traffic or negative space or ravines underneath, and I have made some bridges flat so what’s underneath is more of an esoteric thing than an arts and crafts representation. I like mat board for the platform, but a piece of wood, poster board, watercolor paper, or anything that feels right will work.
Next I build a representation of the harmful past on one side of the base. For example, if the bridge was about my grandmother, I might put a paper doll made of the evil queen from Snow White and perch it on top of the logo of the insurance company she had a successful career with. I might add some make-shift insurancey phrases scattered around on thin sticky notes. Something like, “coverage exclusions include but are not limited to harm done by nasty pieces of work” or “deductible for PTSD to be accrued until the end of time.” “Adjuster will be held harmless for failure to disclose inherent evil.” Things like that. For example. In the water under the bridge, I might glue silver dollars from my children’s play money set, to represent the silver dollars she would make a big thing out of giving us when she was pretending to be a nice grandma.
Then I would work on the bridge, on the ways that this harmful past is stretching over time and affecting me negatively. I might make the bridge out of Lincoln Log pillars with an arch going across made of polyester like the clothes she wore. Into it I might burn cigarette holes, representing not only her cigarette smelling self, but also the holes she burned in people’s psyches. Arching over the polyester, I might use a stretchy green hand left over from Halloween representing how her slimy reach spans time.
Finally, on the other side of the bridge, I would make the representation of how this is all affecting my present. I might make another paper doll using a picture of my head, with ribbons coming out. Each ribbon would have my grandmother’s voice speaking…”You and I both know you’re wicked.”….”You don’t deserve anything you have.”…. Or whatever. I might add figures of older women, on the very edge of the base, with a wall blocking them off, representing a mistrust and fear of grandmother-type women. A fear that is keeping me from meaningful interactions with many wonderful women.
Once a bridge is finished to my satisfaction, I take a little time to consider it. To hold it in my sight, to take in the truth of it. Some people like to live with the bridge for awhile, a day, a week. I prefer 10 or 15 minutes. Then I put it in the fire pit on top of a little pile of self-lighting charcoal briquettes. I like to play music at this point. I have a playlist of fire related songs, but my favorite is a version of “Burning Down the House” performed by Tom Jones and the Cardigans.
I take a deep breath and put a match to the charcoal. The burning happens fast. WHOOSH! And it’s gone. Just a pile of ashes.
Both when burning bridges by myself in my own backyard, and when burning bridges collectively at the end of a workshop, the quick, dramatic flaming of the bridges is invariably followed by laughter. It’s a gleeful feeling. In my experience, despite the fact that bridges are often made to represent profoundly painful and traumatic experiences, constructing and igniting the bridges is fun and lightens the heart.
At Burning Bridges workshops, I stressed that one doesn’t need to start with the biggest trauma of one’s life. It’s fun to make a bridge about something less deep, maybe about the mean girl in Junior High who made fun of your clothes and whose voice still echoes faintly in your head now and then. Not a major issue, but a good test bridge to put your feet in the water slowly. I also emphasize releasing any sense of design rules, or judgments. The bridges aren’t about quality of craft or aesthetic principles—the art is in the experience of burning the symbolic bridge, not in the technique of creating it nor the type of media used. Also, if a person starts to make a bridge and it makes her/him feel uncomfortable or upset, there’s nothing wrong with abandoning the whole project. There’s never a “no pain no gain” philosophy attached to Burning Bridges as far as I’m concerned. It’s an opportunity to play, use weird art supplies you’ve been saving in shoe boxes, and to rethink some unhealthy accidental method acting.
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