To Lose Without Being Lost
I’ve been dying since I was born but I didn’t pay attention to it until I was 14 years old when death came to my life. Then, I learned to face lots of loss.
To lose has several aspects.
Sometimes loss of joy and happiness, loss of vitality, loss of confidence and so on. I’ve learned that everything comes and goes and the dance between one and another means there is Life inside the Life.
To discover and feel this movement is to stop going to the binary/digital way of life: I like x I don’t like, this is beautiful x this is ugly, this is right x this is wrong. There are things that are wrong and to judge it we have the rule of law. But when you are talking about life and feelings in general right or wrong is not worthwhile.
In this process, I’ve discovered a more functional way of thinking in different terms and frames of reference. What about constructive or destructive?
Sometimes the death of a destructive behavior is something that makes your life more happy, functional, and attractive. Sometimes the death of a project is very constructive because the stress that you had to manage was unworthy.
Think about the death of a violent relationship. It’s one of the more challenging to deal with. The person loves the one that is rude and beats him/her. How does one manage a relationship such as that? This is unhealthy and destructive. It is sensitive work and a tall order. We have to be strategic and wise.
It’s so difficult for a human being to separate emotion from thoughts. And more difficult to understand that emotion is not feelings — they are not synonyms. The feelings are the bridge that links the emotion with the thoughts. In fact, deep feelings connect you to Earth.
Emotion is a strong way to show what you feel, but it’s not the real feeling itself.
We have to learn how to be clear about what we feel and what we think. For the one that is suffering violence it’s so difficult to separate both.
We are speaking about new terms of reference to show the person a new way to think about life.
And what does one discover when you use those terms of reference? First of all, you learn that you have a choice in life and you are responsible for your choice. As you learn to use those references, you can feel more joy, comprehension, and you learn that life is a gift and not what you would like it to be. The universe gives you lots of opportunities to learn to deal with that.
So, some relationships must die in order you can live in peace and harmony. You might love someone but if the relationship is destructive you can choose to feel the love and quit the relationship. It’s a deep learning about how human nature functions.
Another term that helped me to face death was developed by Aziz Djendli in his book The Path to Active Presence.
I use this reference in my life just because it is much more than a concept. It brings the way in which one can manage to be present, not passive but doing something with and for oneself.
“A simple definition might be that ‘being present’ is a feeling of inner well-being in daily life, coupled with an increasing capacity to be actively useful, and to be truly kind to yourself”.
As we are talking about loss, what shall I lose to feel inner well-being in daily life?
My absence in my life? Absence is a feeling of passivity. Passivity is the best loss that one has to deal with. Lose my “not to do,” lose my laziness, and give a chance to change those negative thoughts and attitudes. You can be sad without being absent in your life. Being Actively Present no matter what.
Raise your voice and act to cooperate with a better world for you and for the others. This means to take responsibility to being a good ancestor.
