I don’t have friends, and it’s OK. But I want to learn more about people.

I am always curious about new trends in programming languages and software technologies. I would spend hours reading up tutorials and trying out example codes to learn how they work. I like the feeling when pieces of puzzles click together in my head. I don’t get tired. I feel empowered.

I love to read books, fictions and non fictions alike. I would get lost in the books from time to time. I’d fall in love with the characters in them. Some of them I regard as my mentors. I learn a lot from books and they have humongous influence on my personal life.

When it comes to people, it is quite an opposite. I had many close friends when I was a kid. After I moved to Singapore, most of them kind of drifted away. I lost one of my best friend over some personal issues. I failed to acquire new friends when studying and working in Singapore. I have lost my trusts in people and I kept at distance from anybody encountered.

I had classmates, workmates and housemates but no friends. But I like to help people and did so even when they are not my friends. That at least helped me from becoming an outcast while staying here in Singapore. Now I only have one close friend who happens to be my wife.

The truth is I am afraid to have a friend. I am afraid that if I have a new friend I will be forced to agree with him/her with everything. I will be forced to go to the places and do activities I don’t like. It is my nonconformist nature that I hate. If I start to care about a person, I don’t confront or disagree that person anymore. I would hate to say no and totally regret after saying yes.

Another part of the problem is I don’t find people interesting. Most of them are boring and have no interesting topics to talk on. Of course, I know that’s not true. That’s the excuse I give to myself to avoid socialising on any occasion.

So I am asking myself this question, can I transfer my curiosity of programming and books to people. What if I approach each individual as a new programming language or a book? Will I be intrigued to learn more about people? Everyone has a story to tell. Even the most ordinary person with most boring job has a few interesting stories to tell.

I need to ask more. I need to switch myself to learning mode. During a conversation, instead of waiting my turn to tell what’s in my mind, I could ask more. I could listen more.

I am not sure this would help me to have a more meaningful social life, but I will give it a try.