I hate it here, so i will go to secret gardens in my mind

Sometimes I don’t know what i’ve been searching for in the world? What the reason why I still here? In my hopeless romantic life.

I feel so strange whenever all of my friends talk about love — the love they receive from guys. I sometimes envy them. How can they be easily loved by someone? Meanwhile, I have never received that kind of love from anyone except my self (I guess).

I sometimes think that maybe I am not worth being loved by a guy. Why it is hard for me to start a relationship with a guy? These questions haunt me every 12 p.m. I blame myself for being me. I hurt my feelings by saying negative towards me. I compare my self to others, feelings that I am the ugliest person in this world.

Until, at some moment, I realized that I am a woman who smiles at strangers. I am a woman who writes paragraphs when I love someone. I am a woman who knows the three basic words. I am a woman who cries over small things. I am a woman who checks my friends when they feel down. I am a woman who wakes up every morning with the belief that today might be a good day. I am full of love.

Maybe the problem is not that I am not worth it or not enough. But because the universe has not met me with my person yet. Maybe I need to be more patient. And if I never receive the love from others, I will still radiate the love that i got from my secret gardens in my mind world to others.

For me, giving love is more important than receiving it.