Stop deferring, become a genuine leader today!
Take a minute to reflect on what makes a leader successful. One of the first words that comes to mind for me is influence. Influence affects your relationships with coworkers, customers and friends. Influence can be a scary word, but don’t worry, we’re not talking about manipulating others. We’re talking about the kind of influence that inspires people to align around a common goal. The kind of influence that makes others want to move mountains and swim oceans to see it fulfilled.
“All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” — Walt Disney
So how do we become influential and make dreams into reality?
You may have heard that the best influencers are authentic, but what does this mean? To answer this question, we need to think about the ways in which people communicate. A Google search will turn up several models for categorizing communication. For the sake of simplicity, I will break it down into three critical forms:
- Informational — Task oriented communication used to explain a process or a concept. Informational communication focuses on getting information from my head into your ears. “Set the oven to 350 degrees and bake the pie for 30 minutes.”
- Emotional — Exchanging information about your emotional state or the affecting someone else’s emotions. “I’m so happy that I got tickets to the game!”
- Relational — Communication in which the relationship between the participants is a focus. “Hearing you tell stories about your family makes me homesick.”
“Truth is a point of view, but authenticity can’t be faked” — Peter Gruber
Calling someone authentic implies a combination of honesty and relational communication skill. Hopefully we already know how to be honest. So how do we become good relational communicators? Think about the core traits you expect from a good relationship:
- Trust
- Mutual respect and care
- Empathy and understanding
Now think about how you reflect these traits while communicating? We all have behaviors that surface at times that sabotage us. Thoughtfully approaching how we communicate and reflecting on our successes and our failures is a big part of the battle.
Communication is a skill that you learn and improve with practice. Like any skill, it might seem easy for some people. That doesn’t mean you’re out of luck if you aren’t gifted in the area.
Steps to improve your communication skills
- Commit to practice. Building a skill takes work, unless you’re prepared to do the work, don’t bother reading further.
- Start by listening. Communication is bidirectional. You may have heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth, use them proportionally. Absent listening, no amount of Toastmasters classes will make you a good communicator. Don’t confuse listening with hearing. Listening means you’re not only hearing what they are saying but also making an effort to understand. At their core everyone wants to feel understood.
- Pay attention to body language. Body language conveys more information than the sound of voice or the words spoken. Pay attention to the body language of others. Practice adjusting your message delivery based on their body language cues. Think about your own body language. What message are you conveying? Are you warm and relaxed or closed off and combative?
- Be clear and concise. Think before you speak. What am I trying to convey? How can I convey my thoughts at the right level of detail for the listeners?
- Be authentic and humble. Know and stick with your values. Control your impulses. Preserve and champion the dignity of those you interact with. Recognize that you are one of seven and a half billion people on earth. Like the rest of them, you have strengths, weaknesses, blind spots and limitations.
Using communication skills to influence others
The best way to influence people is to inspire them. Authenticity is key to inspiring others and keeping them inspired on the long road to change. For an example, we don’t need to look farther than the world of sales.
Many sales people have spent time educating a prospect on their solution only to lose the deal to no decision. It can happen with internal stakeholders as well. During the conversations, they may have appeared very engaged in the discussion. They showed up to meetings and asked questions, so how could they end up not doing anything?
The answer is simple. We spent all our energy winning their mind, but ignored their heart. In sales, there is a method known as solution selling. It shifts the focus from the thing they’re selling to the problem that the customer faces. By establishing value and positioning proof, we are creating a sense of purpose. This sense of purpose is what drives people. It helps the customer understand why doing nothing is not an option. It gives them a sense of purpose.
Selling change inside of a company is easy when the stakeholders have context. They need to invest in the same ways as the prospect. We need their hearts and not only their minds. Often times we offer bonuses or punishments to motivate people. These are sometimes referred to as carrots or sticks. These carrots and sticks can influence change, but they’re not as effective as a sense of purpose.
Sense of purpose
In his book, Start With Why, author Simon Sinek explains the concept as Golden Circles. Three overlapping expanding circles. The innermost circle is why, the next circle is for how and the outermost circle contains the what. He explains that great leaders create inspiration by messaging from the inside out. The why is our sense of purpose.
Over time, a sense of purpose can get watered down or lost. There are techniques that can be used to keep it fresh and top of mind. I like to reflect on it at the start of meetings so that it frames the discussion, which is often more tactical. This helps to keep the conversation grounded so we don’t go off course.
“Throughout human history, our greatest leaders and thinkers have used the power of words to transform our emotions, to enlist us in their causes, and to shape the course of destiny. Words can not only create emotions, they create actions. And from our actions flow the results of our lives.” — Tony Robbins
The words you use to establish the why also matter. Consider the following two statements:
- We are being out-innovated by our competitors.
- Will we continue to allow our competitors to out-innovate us?
Which statement do you feel is more likely to effect change? If you guessed the second one, you’re absolutely correct! This is a technique called the question-behavior effect.
“A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.” — Francis Bacon
The question-behavior effect
Scientists recently published a research review by synthesizing hundreds of papers on question-behavior. These papers spanned over forty years of research. The papers show that people are more likely to do something if we ask questions about it. People are more likely to internalize and retain questions. Turning a statement into a question can influence behavior for more than six months.
Questions allow people to explore a topic in ways that statements never will. Think back to your childhood and the sense of curiosity and wonder that you possessed. Kids never stop asking questions as they explore the world around them. Rekindle that passion in the people that will share the journey with you.
“It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” — Eugene Ionesco
Consider how you message change. Are you following this model today? Are you giving people their sense of purpose? If not, you should start immediately!
I hope that you found this article useful. I’d love to hear feedback on how you inspire those around you!
👋🏻Hey there — I’m Zac
And I’m on a mission…
To help 1 million people become more impactful leaders. I do this by speaking, writing and mentoring on the topic. Do you want to be a better leader — you must know how to use your passion and to create space for those around you. Join other leaders and sign up for email updates.
