The Seventeen Things I’m Leaving Behind in 2017
I am not alone in saying that 2017 was a very tough year. I am not alone when I think of what or who I lost in the past 365 days, and I am certainly not alone when it comes to acknowledging that strength powers through loss.
At the end of every year, it is customary for most people to sit down and think of resolutions that will help them become better people. It has also become customary to push away said resolutions because it’s just “too hard” or they’re “too lazy” to keep up with themselves. I won’t sugarcoat it and try to pretend that I’m not one of those people — in fact, I’ve stopped writing resolutions for myself because I just know there’s no point — but this year, I want to try something different. Instead of writing resolutions, I’m listing down everything that I want to leave behind once the new year rolls over.
Now, this is a completely new experience for me, but I have faith that whatever I’m about to do is the exact thing I’ve been waiting for. Writing resolutions such as “Be more active” or “Make everyone realise I am capable of more” have always been promises made to be broken, because I knew that I wasn’t going to change my fitness level, or do anything worthy of opening the eyes of those around me. So, without further ado: here are The Seventeen Things I’m Leaving Behind in 2017 (in no order whatsoever).
1) Lack of Inspiration
Starting off the list with one of the most important things an art student can say, I’m leaving behind my dry spell of inspiration that has plagued me since I finished the International Baccalaureate in May. We are living in (and, growing up in) such a rich environment for inspiration — political or artistic — and I am determined to make the most of it.
2) Insecurity
Oh. The painful reminder that I am still riding out my teenage years, and as much as I would like to forget about them, I can’t. As a young adult, there is no doubt that a large part of my identity is my insecurity, but from 2018 onwards, I’m giving it my all to leave the most illogical insecurities (“What if they don’t like me?”) at the door, and move forward.
3) Hypocrisy
I was a bit wary of putting this on my list for fear of sounding juvenile, but it’s true. Hypocrisy is something that I have not only experienced, but voiced against my better judgement, and others. It’s a horrible habit that I need to change, and change only comes with acknowledgement.
4) Dependence
This one is partial — the aspect of dependence relates to my peers, or other aspects that could affect my daily life, ergo: not depending on someone else to start a conversation or making plans if no one else is going to make the initiative. As much as I would like to be independent in all forms, I do still need money (my student visa doesn’t permit me to work in Hong Kong, but that shall soon be changed when I move to Savannah in August).
5) Lack of Motivation
Hand in hand with my first point (Lack of Inspiration), leaving behind the lack of motivation will have to start as soon as possible, due to Winter 2018 quarter starting the 7th of January. The thought of finishing and receiving my BFA in Fine Art Photography on time should be the main fuel of motivation, but I’m sure along the way I will find less significant — but still as important — means of motivation for other projects in the future.
6) Fear (of the Illogical)
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have the biggest fear of Steven Spielberg’s E.T. There was something about that little alien that terrified little seven year old me, and since then, space and its possible life forms have plagued the darkest part of my mind. If this list were to be ranked by matter of importance, my illogical fear of that gooey grey extraterrestrial should be a lot further down, but I just want to get it out of the way, just like I want to get it out of my life.
7) Disability
While I’m on the topic of things people would know if they truly know me, a select few know that I have had two surgeries back in July and August to fix my flat feet. Although I was disabled for just a short while, I’ve realized that I need to stop cowering behind it as an excuse (“Oh, I can’t really hike, my feet are still recuperating from the surgery”). It’s been four months since those difficult few weeks, but I’ve got to move forward.
8) “Shapeshifting”
A lot of the things mentioned on this list follow a common trend — the hardships of adolescence. In this case, shapeshifting is recognized both literally and metaphorically: the way teenagers (especially teenage girls) tend to change or shift into a different “version” of themselves based on the perception of others, based on their opinions, or even their appearance. By leaving this terrible tendency behind in 2017, I’m “shapeshifting” into the real me one final time.
9) Restraint
Personality traits are passed down through parenting, or at least that’s what I’ve experienced in my eighteen years as a human being. No one in my family is impulsive — we all use our brains (some more than others, and some a little too much) — and think about the decisions we are about to make. This past year has been full of inner conflicts regarding small decisions, and it’s time I loosened my personal restraints and became more impulsive in my decision making (while making sure that I still have my head on straight, of course).
10) The Inherent Need for Social Media
This one is tricky. In a time where technology is thriving, I want to cower away and never see the light of a computer screen again. But yet, I am completely dependent on my devices, for they make everything in my life easier. It would be something else to quit social media if I had chosen a career path that did not require a strong social media presence to succeed, but I haven’t. So instead, I propose to myself: have self control. You’ll spend far less money on mobile data if you didn’t scroll through your feeds every second when you’re avoiding work. Use only when necessary — go for a walk, or read a book.
11) Hiding
Let’s just say there’s a few things that I want to set straight in 2018 that I was too scared to speak out or admit this year. They’re not big things, but significant enough to make me write this as a reminder that I can’t hide behind anything before officially going into adulthood next December.
12) Anger
There is so much to be angry about nowadays, and most of it has resurfaced this past year. As a world, we suffered countless attacks on our morale, our countries, our identities… It’s time to step past the anger, and find out what life has in store to be happy about. Receiving diplomas, being with friends and family, being alone…
13) Dishonesty
We all lie, even if it’s just a little. We lie for different reasons – to protect ourselves, to protect other people, or to just be plain selfish – and some of us lie a little more than we should. I am part of the ‘some of us’. It’s scary how second nature it’s become, but I’m changing. I know, it won’t come easy. But I’m starting now.
14) Toxic Relationships (Friendships or Romantically)
“Romantically”, she adds, as of the possibility of any romance on the horizon is one that would finally come true in the busy new year. Romantically or not, I just want to make sure that when I’m place in a situation wherein a relationship can develop – it needs to be healthy. I have spent the first eighteen years of my life shifting from friendship to friendship because there has always been a toxic aspect of being close to others who only cared for me when they needed something in return. Progressing into adulthood, my friendships and relationships should thrive in happiness, and make light of the sadness to move on.
15) Selfishness
To reiterate point number thirteen (Dishonesty), I have lied in the past for the most selfish reasons. It’s a terrible habit, and over the years it’s become instinctual to cower behind a lie just because I don’t want to do something or go out to meet someone for lunch. The switch from selfish to selfless will also bring forth the path to being charitable: a trait I wish I acted upon sooner in my life.
16) The Stigma Against Feminism
2017 has been one of the most important years for the big F – Feminism. We began the year with the inauguration of a misogynist as the President of the United States, and consoled ourselves by watching so many films about female empowerment (Wonder Woman, Hidden Figures, and Atomic Blonde to name a few) but the fight for feminism is still as ongoing as it ever was. We have a long way to go before the stigma against feminism is abolished, but I will fight as hard as long as I live to make sure those around me don’t get anything twisted.
17) Myself, the High School Graduate
A lot of things happened to me this year. My greatest achievement? Graduating high school. Second greatest? Surviving my first quarter at my dream school. The most important thing this year has been my education, and to further progress in the industry now, professionalism is key. Move along, Stamford Graduate, here comes the next phase of my life: SCAD Photo Major!
So, that’s about all I have to say about this year. 2017 has sure been a wild ride, but before it ends I just wanted to thank everyone for making this year a little more bearable and I can’t wait to see what kind of antics we get up to next year.
Happy New Year, everybody — may 2018 be a good one to all of us.
