Happy women’s day — or was it?

So I was having a conversation with a friend on Women’s Day that got me thinking. It all began with a joke about last years sexual assault allegations against movie-producer Harvey Weinstein which stunned Hollywood and have opened the floodgates for other allegations of sexual abuse. Took a while to note down my thoughts, but nonetheless, here they are.

Yes, there’s such a thing as male privilege

Men are still considered to be better leaders and performers in the job market. There is often receive better pay and get to climb the ladder much faster than most women do, which is privilege. A place of privilege also comes with power. Power to keep creating in one’s own image and through lenses of gender bias. Men need to be more aware of their biases to even begin tacking this issue. You can’t change what you do not see to be harmful behavior.

Sexual harassment is still all too real

At some point in the conversation with my friend, sexual harassment came up. His reaction shocked me “No, not that topic again.There is no more harassment! Women sometimes blow things out of proportion.”

We went on and on for a while and I shared with him two stories and asked him to think about whether there was any harassment here or was it just ‘locker room talk’. You can judge for yourself below:

Since meeting Zack Adell at the iHub in 2013 and in subsequent years, he would constantly make foul sexual comments about women who worked with him and truly about women in general. On occasions too many to count, he would make comments like, “Wewe unajua naweza pita na wewe. Naweza kudinya mbaya sana (Do you know I can pass with you. I can *i don’t even know the right translation here”, “Sasa, si leo uwache nimange hio stuff (today why don’t you let me have that stuff — referring to having his way sexually regardless),” “Nipe tu one-time nikunice (give me ‘your body’ I make you feel nice).” To top it off, his talk consisted of endless stories of his sexual conquests, usually with an invitation to add his female colleagues to that number.

Of course being the loud guy that he is, people would laugh it off. But females in that office would dread having to work with him. It was offensive, every single time. It was never funny, but his click of guy friends would laugh, sometimes cringe and move on. He was tolerated and allowed to conduct himself as he pleased. Even in the face of reason, of requests to stop objectifying women at the very least those he worked with, he never changed. The year went on, conversations were had, comments on complaints of sexual harassment were made and quickly turned into jokes.

Most, if not all women would avoid him when they could. He would also make generally working together on a professional level difficult to do. And when challenged, he would get abusive with his words to say the least or ensure your deliverable was always late. After all, we had all come to serve at the pleasure of the great Zack Adell hadn’t we? (according to him)

Mainstream no more

Zack is one example of the intolerable. Which is definitely enabled by his friends and workmates. They created a culture of constant victimization and fear, most people felt like there was not a choice but shut up and move on or let him be until he gets bored. And guys, those of you who sit quietly by, are also enablers of this deeply scaring culture.

How can the problem always be the woman not laughing at mens crass jokes? Where do men in our culture get off thinking that it is women’s fault they are treated in such disgusting ways? If only she laughed along so she was was one of the boys?

There needs to be a culture where talking about sexual harassment is not considered taboo or does not attract punishment. How can we go on in the spirit that women should ignore sexually suggestive behavior from men? And even suggest that those women who do not go quietly will have a hard time at work, or be shunned and shamed all before being ?

We already live in a sexually charged society, no-one should have to endure harassment from men like Zack at work (or anywhere for that matter). Why do we still have such a high tolerance for men behaving badly at work, but are happy to castigate those who seek justice?

Shame on you if all you see is a case of a man’s reputation being soiled by small matters that should be forgotten. Or if you, like my friend think that harassment is long over and women are just blowing things out of proportion.Men, stop stealing. Stop robbing women of their dignity, of their peace of mind, their value and sense of worth by perpetuating a cycle of silence even when you see a grave wrong before your very eyes. Stop taking from women an environment to work and contribute and thrive professionally which you yourselves enjoy but hold as ransom in order to further selfish ambition.

In the paraphrased words of Mary Kassan :

Men, you need to be the protectors and champions of women and children. You need to be better, to be good fathers, good leaders where you lead. Do not remain silent, immobilized, and turtled in a shell of passivity. Man up! Fight against evil — with more than just lip service, and even when it’s no longer the popular fad.

Women, you must keep rising,keep daring, keep challenging norms that will see generations of younger women live a different story — a better story. Pursue excellence, show up and be present, stand up and be heard. Don’t just step out of the box, tear it up and remember to do yours to stand with other women.