A letter to the no son of mine
Hey little man, I’m writing you to tell you how I got to love you.

It started a year ago, on August 17th, 2017. It was the first time for your dad and I to see our mutual friends as a soon-to-be-couple. Nothing really even started but we were happy to spend time together and already in love. We were driving back to our neigbourhood when you called from holidays. That was the first time I heard your sweet, loving, innocent voice and your warm conversation. That’s when I knew you and I are going to be close. That’s when the seed of love for you materialised in me.
When you came back home from holidays, one September day, we met. You had a t-shirt with our favourite soccer player on. Since then the three of us got to spend more and more time together. You shyly started leaving your room more to spend time with your dad and I, cuddling and talking.
That’s when the sandwich game occured — you being the lettuce and your dad and I two slices of bread.
In November I left for a business trip and that’s where I first thought I loved you.
After coming back you and I became closer and closer. I gently scratched your back and massaged your aching post-football-game calves with the rolling pin. We went to art galleries and did flip-flop parkours. Sometimes I scolded you. All of that and simply spending time with you doing nothing made the seed within me grow into a beautiful plant.
It made me become your mom.
The time I with you was one of the most beautiful in my life. Your presence made me feel like never before.
You now know me and your dad are no longer together.
We are both really sad and sorry, especially since we wanted to create a loving family you deserve to have.
We won’t be spending time together, the three of us. But if you feel like it, you and I can still hang out. I would love that.
I also want you to know that despite us not being together I still have respect for your dad. The job he has done rasing you and feelings between you two, that bond and contact you have are beautiful to me.
I wrote this so you know how I feel about you.
I care so much for you to keep being a happy, open hearted and joyful boy and, later in life, a happy and fulfilled man, father and partner.
I hope you’ll stay in touch with your mind but also your heart. If you ever have doubts these two will always tell you what to do.
Please remember that you can always text or call me whenever you need it.
I am here for you and if only I’m able I’ll always help you whenever you’re in any trouble or doubt.
My heart and my home are always open for you.
I love you and I miss you,
Z
