You Know You've Been in Bali Too Long If…

Marking 2 years of my life here in Bali, here is what this incredible small island has taught me so far. And many of you, too!

You know you've been in Bali too long if…

• You've become massage-spoiled.
• You wonder no more why they sell a petrol in Absolut vodka bottles.
• Your palm tree in a garden has Christmas lights.
• You own at least one sarong and like to wear it even when there is no ceremony.
• You've learned the hard way that you cannot go for jogging wherever you want unless you can run faster than dogs.
• You've swapped English words for kopi, nasi, kerja, pulsa, bungkus, ayam, maaf, etc.

You know how to transport a dog, and basically anything, on your motorbike.

• You know that being stuck behind a ceremony is a reliable excuse for being late.
• You know which warungs have the widest selection of vegetarian food.
• You know what spots are good for surfing and what for scuba diving, and you don’t mess with them.
• You know what is CP, BIMC, MAS, LPD, DPS, Bintang and nyepi.
• You've had at least one accident on the road.
• Most of your passport stamps are from Singapore.

• You cannot remember a few of your night drives from Seminyak.
• You wonder how you’re going to get used to driving on a right side of the road back in your home country.
• You are alerted when you see a bule on a scooter.
• After hands, a fork and a spoon are your preferred choice of a cutlery.
• You've accepted it’s a risky business to take a boat but you enjoy it anyway.
• You believe in karma and that roosters see spirits if they make noise at night.

You think monkeys are like Mondays — you never know whether you like them or hate them.

• You've been taking care of dogs and cats at least temporarily.
• The fresh coconut water has become the first aid for everything from curing a hangover to cleaning your face skin.
• You've been to yoga at least once, and maybe even accidentally.
• You know what the ecstatic dance is and have a strong Yes or No opinion about it.
• You've met at least one person who pretended to be gluten intolerant.
• You know what salat is and where most of your Musli(men) friends are on Friday noon.

• You know which warungs have the best ayam bakar, nasi campur and babi guling.
• You choose es teh manis over coke.
• You cannot imagine a food without sambal.
• You can live with 10 kinds of insects in your house and stop even noticing them.
• You accept your clothes loose colours slowly every time you get them from laundry service.
• You've been smiling and making eye contact with more strangers in the last year than in previous 10.

• You call all older women and men by ibu and (ba)pak.
• You've got flirted on traffic lights at least 10 times.
• You've eaten more soya in the last year than in your whole life.
• You know when there is a time for ducks to invade rice fields.
• You know what parts of Bali Uber is not allowed in.
• You have your favourite fruit and vegetable stall on the morning market.

You believe it’s safer to cross the street on a motorbike than by walking.

• You are in love with bamboo and hoping for global warming big enough to allow us having bamboo houses in Europe.
• You find it normal to hang out in front of Alfamart and Indomart.
• You know which ATMs are scam-free and allow you to withdraw the biggest amount.
• You aren’t surprised anymore when you see a 10-year old kid driving a motorbike.
• You are using only your right hand when interacting with people.
• You know all potholes on the roads which you regularly take.
• You put on jeans in 30°C because you feel chilly.

• You take shoes off automatically when entering warungs and shops.
• You know you can never trust turn signals on a bike in front of you.
• You are totally fine with a chicken and rice or fried noodles for a breakfast.
• You cannot remember when you saw a real cheese last time.
• You've given up coming to meetings on time.
• You shout at your friends hati-hati instead of bye when calling off a night.

You think 5Mbps is completely fine download speed.

• You have your favourite bike service, hairdresser, laundry and massage place.
• You've got several VPN on your laptop but none of them works for Netflix.
• A mosquito repellent is your second perfume during a rainy season.
• You've switched to buying clothes, accessories and home décor from local artists.
• Your smartphone and laptop connect to WiFi automatically when entering your regular cafés and warungs.
• Your friends back in your home country finally believe you aren't on a vacation here.

And finally, you've been in Bali too long if.. you know you've found one of your homes for a lifetime.