Beer Buddy = Best Buddy
Let’s talk about friends. Or in my case those degenerates I hang out with because they’re the only people who don’t run away after they’ve met me. So, let’s start with the types of friends. Chances are you all relate to these types of friends, and if you don’t.. well, you probably don’t have any friends anyway. If that’s the case, get off the damn internet and go buy a cat, or two.. just sayin’.
- The Instigator: This friend is always ready for anything and is a bad influence on you. This is what your mom meant when she told you to resist peer pressure. This friend IS peer pressure. This is the friend that comes with you for a beer and you wind up staying till closing time, trying to flirt with the bartender, and playing darts with your driver’s licence. He tells you things like “of course you can jump that far” “one more won’t kill you” and “you should totally call her man!” But no matter what, you love this idiot. He is part of every cool story you tell and is always about having fun.
- The Mother: If you don’t have a friend like this, get one. Picture a care bear and a puppy fused into one person. This friend is always looking out for everyone and everything. “Did you have anything to eat?” “Are you cold?” “Do you have your phone?” “I brought snacks for everyone!” These are some of their most frequent dialogues. They make sure everyone always gets home safe and is hydrated. They also have this magical bag that has everything inside. EVERYTHING! Does the bag end? What else is in there? Are you hiding something in there? Who knows. The point is there’s everything from vaseline to paper clips in there and somehow they are always needed.
- The Megan Fox: I don’t even think you need a description for this one. She/he is just… the finest physical specimen in the group. There is never a time when they don’t have at least ten despo losers trying to hit them up. You can never just have a conversation with them because there’s someone making eyes at them or their phone is blowing up with those “wyd tonight?” texts. They are flawless and their social media is an aesthetic gem. This friend is always on point with their outfit, hair etc. How do they wake up like that, are they magic? Everyone is always drooling over them and asking about your ‘model’ friend. Oh yeah? Well this is MY model-looking friend. So take your drool and go be irrelevant somewhere else.
- The Tentative Participant: This friend is a great, big, beautiful question mark. They are unpredictable and cannot be planned for. EVER! You never know if they are coming or not. Are they gonna be late, are they gonna bring a friend? I guess without this friend the element of surprise wouldn’t exist at all. They probably never text back till 2–3 hours later, their phone is either not reachable, busy or not answered. But when they do show up you understand why you keep inviting them, despite their horrible consistency rate.
- The Cherub: This friend is incredibly innocent and just an overall baby. They never get the dirty jokes till 10 mins later, they can’t hold any liquor at all (I’m talking about holding drinks with their hands. DO NOT let them consume the alcohol). Forget about breaking the rules with these guys. These guys have a laminated copy of the rule book with highlights and color-coded indexes. This friend needs to be protected from the boogey-man. But they are nicest of all your friends, and somehow you always behave better around them.
At the end of the day these are the people you trust. At least I do. I ask these losers about every little decision I make. I’ll be blowing up the group chat to ask if I should order one pizza or two (almost unanimously two was the decided amount). How on earth have I managed to exist without these people. I don’t even think it’s about their opinion anymore, I just want them to be involved. They are my surrogate family (sorry real family, but none of you are cool). I need these people to know everything I’m doing and I want their witty comments on it all too. Who I’m dating, what I’m eating, what i’m buying, where I’m drinking all of it. Why did we all enjoy F.R.I.E.N.D.S so much? Because friends are the only things we can’t do without. What’s more relatable than a group of friends. Okay I’m gonna go hang out with my friends now.
Credits : Stereotypical Alcoholic Writer
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