No Relationship Ends Because of “Cheating”
Kris Gage

This is just not true. For women it often is the reason for cheating, but I think Kris is projecting her female sensibilities on to men. For men its more complicated.

For men testosterone is important for their wellbeing. Without it life becomes grey and dull. As men get older the testosterone levels drop and their life quality deteriorates.

However, just talking to an attractive woman can give a man a small testosterone boost, which he will notice as a lightening of the mood and a spring in the step for a while. Sex with a new woman is way better, it can lead to his whole world suddenly seeming to explode with colour as the testosterone floods his system. He comes alive and everything is full of interest. This is why womanising rakes are so attractive, they are full of this vitality.

But marriage means monogamy and this is very hard on a man. Does he keep sexual fidelity with the wife he loves or does he get a dose of this life enhancing drug? He truly and deeply loves his wife, but can he endure the slow deterioration of his vitality?

Being human different men come up with different answers, but if he does have an affair it is rarely a reflection of his marriage. Whilst for women an affair will usually be thought through and all the aspects considered before getting too involved, for the man it will usually be an off the cuff fling, and of course this is nearly always discovered.

This is where people such as Kris come in to destroy a good marriage. Society tells the injured woman, and it is a betrayal she has suffered, to dump the stinking rat. To cast aside years of shared experiences, the emotional and practical help you have given one another, friends you have shared and a man who really loves you in exchange for loneliness, decreased income and damage to any children you may share.

Many women in this situation know what they are giving up and don’t really want to, but it takes a lot of will power to stand up to the pressure that society will put on them.

So what’s the answer. Women, how much do you want your husband to be happy? There are special women out there that do want to make their man happy, and will turn a blind eye to his flings or even take the initiative and negotiate the terms of his liaisons. Other cultures also recognise the man’s need and will be much more tolerant of affairs. Some even encourage them. In return they get back a dividend in a loyal and happy husband full of love, life and laughter that lasts into old age. Surely this is more important than sex.

If you want to see the research that proves all of this you need to read Sex at Dawn by Ryan and Jetha, something that should be compulsory for all relationship councillors. (And something I would recommend to all those who are married or about to be married).

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