3 Huge Secrets to Success
Benjamin Disraeli, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1874–1880 said; “the secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes”.
Boom. Goes. The. Dynamite.
So maybe pffffffft is the sound your mouth made when reading that little quote. Or maybe you were more like, “Thats nice…NEXT” OR JUST MAYBE you’re thinking to yourself…”go on….Joshua”. Don’t worry friends cause I WILL!
When I first read this quote I had one of those… mid blown…moments. You see, I think we all have moments in our lives that if we are honest with ourselves, are moments of opportunity. These might be big, they might be small. Maybe it’s a pretty girl saying “…hey”, or a new year’s January about to start and a friend asking us if we have any resolutions we’re thinking about. Maybe it’s big; a job interview, a first date with someone amazing or a conversation we have been wanting to have with that person we have been dying to talk to. Opportunities happen all the time.
Everyday. Every single freakin day you are going to be confronted with a virtual cornucopia of potentially life changing opportunities. Not like, you ran into an old friend who happened to invent mega robot legs for people and wants you to be the first robot-leg-transplant-patient. More like, the person in front of you buying coffee works for the company you want an interview with and if you took 60 seconds to look up from your cell phone, smiled and struck up a conversation… you might get your foot in the door.
Life changing
One of the problems we have as a culture is that we have no idea what opportunity looks like. I blame Hollywood. In particular, 90’s romantic comedies. Funny, heart warming, happy, with a totally unbelievable/ but maybe it could really happen… ending. WHATS NOT TO LOVE! This thought process however has saturated our brains so much that we have ceased looking for opportunity UNLESS it comes in an overly obvious Made for TVpackage. That’s a big fat lie, because 99% of the time..
Opportunity doesn’t come looking for you, you have to veraciously pursue opportunity.
Like a cornered sewer rat, fighting for survival. Damn that’s a visual, but you get the point. So maybe romantic comedies aren’t totally to blame. I mean, I certainly don’t blame Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks for the downfall of our societal ability to see potential in our everyday situations SIMPLY because their on-screen chemistry is PERFECT. Finger pointing aside, this is an epidemic. For the most, part people seem blissfully unaware of the potential of their everyday interactions. We live with our faces in our phones. Eye contact can make you squirm and having a conversation that involves real spoken words and no emojis! That’s unthinkable. But it’s in the world of face to face, human interaction, opportunity is found. That is, if you’re willing to take the chance and put in the work that will ready you for your inevitable, soon to be found, opportunity.
My hope in talking with you about this is that you will feel with your heart and know with your head that opportunity is just a reality of your everyday. The truth that I want you to connect with is this;
- You will be confronted with many many opportunities, everyday.
- You can prepare for those unforeseen opportunities
- If you are prepared, you will take advantage of these encounters at a much higher percentage then the average person.
- This preparation leads to much, much, much higher degrees of success
- You CAN do this
Several years ago I was working-out at a gym near my house. Getting jacked, as you would suspect. Picture a Schwarzenegger-esk, herculean flex fest, totally yoked. Somewhere between crushing delts and basking in the glory of a freshly slain barbell, a 100lb, 50 something year old women decked out in diamonds and cheesy workout clothes, said to me “What’s that tattoo say on your arm?”
-Freeze-
Option A) Tell her what my tattoo says
Option B) Crush the opportunity I was just handed
I put down my weight and said “it’s a bible verse”, flexed and got back to my fitness quest. AAAAAaaaahahahahah! Just kidding, I ain’t no fool. I put my weight down, rolled up my sleeve showing my full tattoo and quoted the verse word for word, then with a genuine sense of interest I asked her “do you have any tattoos yourself?” The conversation went like this; I don’t but i have been thinking about getting one recently. “Well I have enjoyed mine, so I would recommend getting one if you have something on your heart that is important enough to paint on your body, forever. What are you thinking about getting? “I wanted to get something to represent my daughter. “That’s awesome, if it’s something you have been thinking about for a while you should go for it, just don’t skimp, get something nice.” Yeah, I think I am going to do it. “Good for you (as I picked a dumbbell up), so what do you do for work?” I have a company that pares families who have children with autism, with cognitive behavioral therapists, to work in-home with their children. Yourself? “Wow, what an awesome way to work and serve that particular population. I actually work with kids at a title 1 elementary school, but I would love to hear about your company sometime.” Yeah, here’s my card.
The next week we met and she offered to train me as a therapist. I soon started working with her company at night after my teaching job.
Listen. You cannot expect to be handed success on a silver platter. You can however, expect to be handed the choice to pursue opportunity. But you have to CHOOSE it. You have to choose to have the conversations, make the connections and tell people alllllll about your tattoos, weird hair color, hobbies, food choices, etc. Choose option B. Choose opportunity.
The trick to success (or at least as far as our opening quote is concerned ) is to be ready for opportunity when it comes. Because it’s not a matter of “if”, but rather “when”. Many people live under the false belief that during these moments they will rise up like the movie heroes that we have been subconsciously idolizing. Like a juiced out Hulk or witty Super Assassin(in red).
The reality is (get ready for the truth hammer)….you likely won’t. I know I know…sad face. I’m sorry to be the reality check that just wet-willied your world, but please know, it’s out of love(which is why I’m not really sorry). We don’t rise to the occasion, rather we sink to the level of our training. SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO!?!?!?
Here are 3 ways you can be ready for opportunity when it comes
1) Pursue Social Settings in Which You are Surrounded by the Type of Success You want
What type of success do you want? You have got to take time to think about this. Everyone wants success. Everyone. You have to do better then that if you want to be one of the people that actually achieves the vision of success they have in their heads. So take the time to think about this; what does success practically look like to you? Do you want to have a certain amount of friends, a specific type of friends? Do you want a particular body type or look? What about a romantic relationship? How much money do you want to make, or what type of job do you want to have? What about spiritual understanding? etc.
Write this stuff down and don’t be vague here. Put your goals on paper(or computer screen). If you just want this nebulous concept of success then you just want a concept. You have to want some thing. I understand that sounds shallow,its not, its just practical. I know people and relationships aren’t “things”, but in terms of goal setting, you have to be specific in what it is you want, if you want to get something specific(that was good). So you want money? How much? 50K 100K 100million? You just want a good looking body or a body with visible abdominal muscles? This is your list of wants, so make it as detailed as possible. It can be as short or long as you like. Rate that list with your highest priority want to least important want, then get laser focused on number 1. Once you have this figured out, get yourself surrounded by people who have already achieved it or are pursuing that same number 1 with focus. Now keep pursuing social settings in which you are surrounded by the type of success you want.
It can initially be humbling to be surrounded by people living the life you want. It will land you in a tangible funk if you follow this advice, find people doing what it is you WANT to be doing, then sit there with a sense of jealousy and bitterness. If that happens, this is going to totally back fire. If however, you are able to approach these situations with grace and confidence, you will soon find yourself having conversations and learning incites that will land you closer and closer to your goals.
If you’re overweight, it’s very comfortable to be around others who are also overweight. It really sucks to be the fat guy surrounded by a bunch of fitness models. But you are statistically the average of the 5 people you spend the majority of your time.
I’m not saying you have to ditch relationships you love, but if you want to own a brand new, payed off, tricked out Tactical Tacoma, but all your friends spend 12hrs a day playing video games…. chances are, you’re not getting that truck. Instead you will settle for playing Warcraft for ONLY 8 hours a day, making yourself satisfied by being slightly more productive then your friends. This weak sauce, self affirming mental game will not land you that truck It just makes you SLIGHTLY less lame then your bros. Break out of this mold. Make your life, actions, and the daily workings of your ideal “you” your standard.
2) Talk to Strangers
Small talk with random people feels awkward. It just does. If you like to have meaningless conversation with people you have never met then…. I don’t know…it just doesn’t seem right.
Hey, hows it going? Good, you? Doing well. Cool. Yeah. So… sports right? Totally…sports. Yeah. Yep. OK bye.
Painful. BUT this does not have to be the case! Like anything else in life, talking to people is a skill. Meaning that if you are bad at it, then you are just CURRENTLY bad at it, you can(and in time, WILL) get better.
Sitting in an airport approximately 10 years ago I was seated next to a tall, skinny and rather unassuming man. We were separated by one cold plastic airport seat for about 45min. After what seemed like airport eternity I asked him…. So who are you waiting for? My wife, you? My girlfriend, she’s coming back from Greece today. Oh, so is my wife. Nice (insert witty joke about how nice it would be to take a Grecian vacation), my girlfriend is actually on a trip for school. (He smiled)My wife is leading a trip from Queens University. Yep, that’s the one she’s on. So you’re not in the same class? No, I’m graduating in a few months, Jess has another year. What are you doing after graduation? Not sure yet, but open to suggestions(said with a confident smile)? Well, i’m the Principle at ______ School, and we actually need help filling a position. I’m not sure if you’re interested in teaching, but this would be a way to find out if it’s something you would enjoy.
That is how I got my first job out of college.
Talked to a stranger.
IT DOES NOT ALWAYS WORK THIS WAY. Some times your going to talk to jerks, weirdos, and close-talkers with stank-breath. That’s the way it goes. And other times you’re going to talk to someone who is about to pitch you an easy home run. Things to keep in mind here. People like to help others, it makes them feel good about themselves. Which is one of the many reasons why YOU should always be looking for ways to serve those you meet. Giving you their business card, contact information, advice, general tips, is what people like to do. If you get into a conversation, generally the type of person you are looking to talk to is the same type of person who will be willing to help you. SO, if you do end up with a jerk, dust those shoulders off, because they weren’t going to help you reach your goals since they are most likely not reaching theirs. High achievers help other people, because they know it is because of people that they themselves have achieved so much.
Here is where we CAN give a…… little…. credit to the romantic comedies. I don’t believe in chance or serendipity. I believe in statistics. If you talk to enough people and focus on your good interactions, you’re going to start looking pretty lucky with all the positive encounters you end up with. And while its just the result of you talking to strangers over and over and over, to an outsider looking in, its going to appear as if “Ben always knows someone!?” or “why does Beth meet alllllllll the right people?!”
Because Beth followed step 1 then implemented step 2, that’s why
3) Be Approachable
RBF is real. It effects men and women alike. It might not be your fault, but resting bitch face, can and will mess up your opportunities for success. The reality is that you are not always going to see opportunities, even when they are in front of your face. Sometimes we will just get caught up in untimely text conversations. Other times we will be operating on so little sleep that even the gloriousness that is coffee(liquid gold) won’t lift our tired faces. It is in moments like this that we have to simply be approachable and RBF, while real, is a lame excuse. Like Butt-holes, excuses stink and everybody has one. So don’t let your excuse keep you from living the life you want.
My wife is overwhelmingly approachable. I don’t really understand why. It’s like she has this inner radiant light shining like a neon sign reading “free beer, caffeine or hugs”. It draws everyone to her.
Standing in line buying groceries. Chasing our daughter at the park. Waiting in line to vote. Running on a treadmill at the gym. The girl can’t catch a break. Random people just want to talk to her and divulge their life story. If you have ever met her, you probably told her about your favorite movie and why your coworker needs to ‘chill’. While some people are born with the proclivities that lead them to become inherently more approachable, this is something that can be learned.
Next time you are out in public. Look around. Note the people, talking to other people. Take account of those around you that look like someone you could strike up a conversation with. There are commonalities.
They smile. They don’t look anxious or rushed(even if they are). They just have this sense of joy about them(or at least that’s how we perceive it). You can do that too. Take it slow. Make one addition at a time. But once you have this down it’s like a super power.
You can turn on this super power on and off whenever you like
So when you’re at dinner with your best girl and you don’t want to be bothered: Off
Now you’re at a swanky brewery and everyone looks like new-money: On
You went to the bathroom: Off
You accidentally walked into the girls bathroom(in this scenario you’re a dude): On
You get the idea. This whole concept of being purposefully approachable really turns some people off. They feel as if it’s manipulative, or being fake. Say what you want, I think it’s simply being smart. Cause you know who refuses to be approachable? Lonely, bitter people who hate to believe that by actively choosing to surround themselves with others that are doing what they love, by initiating conversations with others, and by being approachable, their lives could look the fantasy they picture in their head(loooooong sentence). Don’t be that person. If you feel yourself slipping in that dysfunctional direction. Stop. You can just make one small change. Just one. Then keep at it until that one tiny change becomes normal. It may take days, it will probably take weeks to months. But that’s all huge successes are, one tiny success, added on another, then another. In time the small incremental steps add up to a mountain of positive change.
So how do you find success?
Well. It’s simple. You just have to be ready for the opportunity when it comes. Duh.
Be Strong and Courageous
~Joshua
