I’ve Been Yodelling in Walmart for Two Decades, But Congrats to This Kid

I’ve been yodeling in Walmarts for the past twenty years — by frozen food, by women’s outerwear, by the McDonald’s.

The bug first bit me when mom was grabbing groceries and an affordable blouse. I was about to grab the attention of 3–4 people walking by the automotive aisle. I planted my pretty little feet in the corner and sang the first minute of “Cattle Call.”

I was shit at first, don’t get me wrong. I brought my immediate family and some unwilling neighbors to the frozen food section early on to hear a pisspoor rendition of “Yodeling Ranger.”

But I didn’t give up.

I spent the next five years honing the Walmart yodel craft: catching people off guard while they bought affordable underwear, interrupting employees rolling back prices with my rolling r’s and cute-as-hell outfits.

I got better. Learned Dolly Parton’s “Mule Skinner Blues” on a Saturday in men’s coats doesn’t work, but Dolly Parton’s “Mule Skinner Blues” on a Sunday in canned foods equals a standing ovation.

A perk of yodelling in Walmart is every ovation is standing.

I traveled to other Walmarts to find my peers. Nothing. They say what makes you different is your superpower, so I kept going. I tried to find…