PSYCHOLOGY
How Our Core Beliefs Determine If We’re Happy or Miserable?
Happiness is an inside job, but what if being predominantly happy is as simple as altering your core beliefs about the world?
Core beliefs about life
- What if your core beliefs determine what life is like for you and not the other way around?
- What if what you believe is not universally true?
- What if changing your core beliefs changes “your” reality?
- What if all those outside circumstances you’ve been trying to change have very little to do with happiness?
Looking at people’s attitudes toward life and specific topics and comparing them to their lives reveals a persistent pattern — a pattern I have also found repeating without fail in my personal life. What is that pattern?
First, let’s examine a few different core beliefs about life in general. One of the following primary beliefs reveals itself when you talk to people.
The first group believes the following to be true (A)
- Life is predominantly suffering, with a few happy moments in between.
- Life is hard and full of struggle. It’s all about hard work.
- Most people are bad at their core, and their intentions are bad.
- The whole universe is against me, and it’s a malevolent place.
- Nothing ever works out for me.
- No matter how hard I try, I never get what I want.
- Nothing in life is perfect, everything is always flawed and lacking.
- The future is dark and full of dangers, suffering, and the worst possible outcomes.
- Most situations are caused by people with evil intentions, corruption, or greed. They are bad and will turn out even worse.
- People whom I disagree with are evil, know they’re the bad guys, and intentionally want to harm others.
The second group believes the exact opposite of the first group (B)
- Life is predominantly happy, with some moments of suffering in between, but that’s just life.
- Life is easy and fun, and it’s an adventure.
- Most people are good at their core, and their intentions are good.
- The whole universe supports me, and it’s a benevolent place.
- Everything always works out for me.
- I always get what I want.
- Everything is perfect, just the way it is. Nothing is lacking. I choose to focus on the good, not the bad.
- The future is optimistic and full of opportunities and happy moments, and it will work out well in the end.
- Most situations can be explained by people trying to do their best. Sometimes, they succeed, and sometimes, they fail. The most likely explanation is not malice but incompetence, stupidity, and lack of understanding.
- People whom I disagree with are well-meaning but ill-informed, don’t understand the consequences of their actions, and believe they’re doing good, even when they’re not from my point of view.
It’s not black and white.
Most of us live somewhere between both belief systems. How do you know which one is central to you?
Just look at your life and listen to your words. What do you most often assume about situations, outcomes, and people? Most importantly, the answer will reveal itself if you simply answer this question:
Are you generally happy and optimistic or unhappy and pessimistic?
An oversimplification, of course, but you see my point. Don’t you?
People’s core beliefs are at the source — the determining factor for whether they are predominantly happy or miserable.
How do we form our core beliefs?
We form those core beliefs about life, people, and everything else through lived experiences, and they are passed down from our tightest social circle (family and friends). We weren’t born with them. One can say that they are true for us from our subjective perspective.
But here’s the catch — are they true universally and for everyone?
- Does everyone believe what you believe?
- Has everyone been taught the same core principles you have been?
- Has everyone lived the kind of life you’ve lived and come to the same conclusion?
The answer is, of course, a resounding “no!”
But who is right? Group A or Group B?
- Who has correctly recognized the true nature of life, the universe, and the human condition?
- Is one of you right and the other wrong?
- Are the optimists delusional and ignorant of the truly horrible nature of it all? (or)
- Are perhaps the pessimists blinded by their narrow view, self-projection, and emotional pain to see that life is not just about suffering and not all people are evil?
Our first gut reaction would be that people who believe different things from us are wrong, and we are right. It’s only natural. There are reasons we believe what we believe, right?
The only correct answer, however, is that they are both right in relation to their lives and from their individual perspectives. They both see proof of their core beliefs daily and all around them. For them, their beliefs are true.
The universal truth about life
A simple illustration would be that when a spider eats a fly, it’s just nature. Depending on whether you’re on Team Spider or Team Fly, you will judge the situation as good or bad. One lives, the other dies.
It’s just the circle of life, and the balance of the ecosystem remains intact. Nature doesn’t care, and God, if he should exist, doesn’t care either. We’re the ones giving things meaning. Now, we get to the fun part: the observer, the judge, the experiencer — the perspective.
The universe is perfect, and here’s why. (article)
It’s all about perspectives
We must constantly remind ourselves that we look at the world through the lens of our perspectives. Our perspective is not the same as that of other people. We are different, live in various situations, and have contrasting beliefs, preferences, fears, and desires.
I wrote an article where we play with different perspectives regarding the circle of life. It’s meant to illustrate how switching perspectives changes how we feel about things.
Our perspective is not universally correct — it’s just “a perspective.”
- From Group A’s perspective, life is predominantly suffering, people are bad, and the universe is a malevolent place.
- From Group B’s perspective, life is predominantly happiness, people are good, and the universe is a benevolent place.
Both are just perspectives and personal judgments of the world based on our beliefs. They are not statements of some ultimate, objective truth, but they do feel as such! They also describe their personal experience of the universe to a large extent.
Chicken and egg dilemma regarding beliefs and life experiences
The past
Our life experiences and what we have learned formed our core beliefs. These beliefs now govern everything we do: people, life, work, money, health, happiness, suffering, good and bad. From our perspective, this is “our truth,” but it’s not the objective truth, as not all people would agree, and more importantly, it’s not true for them.
The present
We then live our lives looking at the world through the lens of these beliefs. We judge every situation based on these core beliefs. When we don’t know what someone is thinking, we make assumptions about their motives. When we can’t explain something, we use our core beliefs and make up a story. None of it is objective, and most likely, none of it is true. It’s just our belief, opinion, perspective. Nothing more.
The future
The third part of the question of these core beliefs is that what we believe about life, people, and ourselves constitutes our present and future life experiences. What we believe keeps reaffirming itself in our lives. We see it everywhere, and we get more and more proof that we are right to believe what we believe.
Both groups get more of what they believe from this life!
Perception and the Great Filter
We are more sensitive and receptive to seeing things that conform to our core beliefs
If we believe the world is an ugly place full of suffering, we will see primarily suffering everywhere and focus more on that than anything good happening in the world. Our mental filter is set to finding only the bad.
Suffering will then be everywhere. Pain, violence, death, sickness, and injustice are everywhere we look. It’s there because we subconsciously look for it. Our beliefs are again proven correctly by our lived experience.
If we believe the world is a beautiful place full of love, wonderful experiences, and happiness, we will focus primarily on seeking more confirmation of those beliefs. Our filter is set to find the good everywhere and will no doubt find it.
Good, kind, happy people will be everywhere, and good situations will reveal themselves. We will see them everywhere because we subconsciously look for the good in everything. Our beliefs are again proven correct by our lived experience.
Whether we are happy or miserable will depend on our dominant filter
In any situation, we can focus on the good or the bad. When we watch TV, we can choose to watch things that make us feel good or things that make us feel bad. By now, we know which group will choose what program. It’s the same with what we interact with on the internet, especially since the algorithms are designed to feed us more of what we interact with.
Simply put, people who are more optimistic about everything will generally be happier and live happier lives. People who are more pessimistic will generally be more miserable and live unhappy lives. Past, present, and future!
This is all fact before even introducing metaphysics, spiritual perspectives, simulation theories, quantum realms, and other mind-over-matter ideas. In the same set of circumstances, one will be happy and the other miserable. It’s not because of present objective situations but because of their core beliefs and general attitudes.
Dammit! I have the wrong set of core beliefs!
Wouldn’t it make sense to question our core beliefs if they’re not producing the desired effects in our mood and life? Answer these simple questions:
- Are you generally happy most of the time?
- Would you describe yourself as a happy, calm, joyful person?
- Is your life mostly happy or miserable?
If you’re happy, your core beliefs are serving you well. If you’re not, you might want to do something about it.
Life contains suffering, pain, and loss, but it’s not composed solely of those. In general, I would argue there are a lot more good things, people, and moments in most of our lives than bad — statistically, empirically, numerically, and objectively!
How we perceive them will depend on our attitudes and beliefs, but it doesn’t change the fact that life is generally neutral. We’re the ones who give it meaning, choose our focus, and react to situations.
The past has formed those beliefs in your mind, but do you have to keep them?
If we understand the following:
- How we feel depends on how we perceive everything and what we focus on.
- What we see in this world and how we judge everything depends on our core beliefs.
- What we will experience more in the future will depend on our core beliefs.
Then, we have to question whether our beliefs serve us.
- Is our life better or worse because of our core beliefs?
- Are our beliefs conducive to being happy?
- Are we sure we’re right?
- Are there other possible beliefs that would be better?
- Would we rather be right or happy?
Changing those beliefs is intensely challenging precisely because the new ideas feel like lies, untruths, and delusional thinking that conflicts with how you see the world.
Here’s the thing, though — if we keep doing the same thing over and over again, we cannot expect different results. If we keep believing the same things, we will continue to experience more of the same.
Perhaps now you understand when I say that happiness is a choice.
Choose well, dear friends.
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You might also be interested in:
Happiness and Circumstances — Does Your Situation Matter?
On a Dark Day When All Seems Hopeless, Find Something Small to Look Forward to
How Would it Feel To Have No Identity and Personal Baggage?
In a World of Darkness, Focus on The Light
It’s Easy Being an Optimist in Today’s World.
All the linked articles are also on Medium, but behind a paywal. On Substack, they are free to read for all those who don’t have a Medium membership.
