PSYCHOLOGY
What Helped Me Overcome the Fear of Water?
Afraid of deep water? Scared of drowning? Let’s talk.
I was recently reminded of a fear that once upon a time crippled me but is now just a nuisance on rare occasions. The fear of deep water. My mother was full of fears when I was a kid, and I absorbed many of them without realizing it. One of those fears was the fear of entering water that was deeper than up to my neck.
I spent most of my early childhood terrified of water
I still vividly remember how petrified I was when my father would take us out on his little rubber boat. I lived in socialistic communism in the early days. One of the main characteristics of that era was that we all had everything we needed, but nothing really worked. All cars broke down all the time, and so did the boats. In the middle of open water, for example.
When we got stranded for what appeared like hours on end but was actually just minutes (or so I’m told), our little boat was at the mercy of bigger boats and ships sailing past us. Let’s call that experience a sea rodeo, shall we?
When your worst fear is falling into deep water, being stuck in a tiny, unstable boat in open water is like being arachnophobic and trapped in a giant spider’s net, with the hairy eight-eyed beast closing in on you.
I never dared swim beyond my height anywhere until
I had a good friend with the patience and understanding to help me overcome the fear of deep water. It took us only a day. Maybe a weak. It’s been decades. I started in the shallows, desperately hiding my panic, and ended up asleep, drifting into open waters on a small little air mattress. That was a day of facing my fears and then some.
It started easily enough
My friend kept explaining that if I could swim in five feet of water, I could swim in thousands of feet of water. It makes no difference, he said. Swimming is swimming. Sure, apart from the thousands of feet of water and all the beasts swimming within! He was right, of course. But the problem is, it doesn’t feel like the same, does it?
Anyway, we kept going deeper and deeper, one circle at a time. Each time I forced myself to face my fear, it lessened to a degree. Eventually, I was swimming freely, and we even dived. Then we windsurfed. Then… you get the picture.
To overcome my fear of water, it was important to get familiar with it
That meant spending as much time as possible on and underwater. I became more and more comfortable, going deeper each time. At some point on that particular holiday, I was diving as deep as six, maybe even ten meters. Nowadays, I can’t do half that without my eardrums bursting.
When I spent those endless minutes holding my breath underwater, observing the tranquility of sea life just under the surface, I began to like it.
Spending time underwater was less scary and stressful than trying to stay above it. Time seemed to stop there. There was tranquility where there should have been turmoil. Regardless of the storm and waves at the surface, there is a perfect calm just a few feet below.
There is a life secret here if you can find it.
When you don’t need to breathe, water can’t hurt you
Here’s a fun fact. You can hold your breath for about a minute, even if you’re out of shape. These days, I can stretch it between three and five minutes with some practice and over-oxygenation.
I recommend Wim-Hof breathing and then timing yourself holding your breath. I think you’ll be surprised what you’re capable of.
Take a few deep breaths, and you can probably swim underwater for two or more minutes. The more you practice, the calmer and more efficient you’ll become. In other words, take a deep breath, and you’ve got some time before you get into trouble or need to come back up for air.
It’s essential to understand the physics of buoyancy
The primary force that keeps boats and ships afloat is buoyancy. According to Archimedes’ principle, any object submerged in a fluid is buoyed up by a force equal to the weight of the fluid displaced by the object.
The hull of a sailboat is designed to displace enough water to generate buoyancy, preventing it from sinking.
There is an exercise and a form of floating you can learn that will make staying above water absolutely effortless. No kicking, no swimming, no gasping for air. Just resting atop the water’s surface, breathing shallowly but calmly for eternity if need be. Don’t believe me?
In my part of the world, we call this swimming in the “corpse pose.” I believe it’s officially called a “supine position.”
Basically, you have to sort of lay on the water’s surface as if it were a bed. Stretch yourself as much as possible, and in the beginning, take a deep breath, filling your lungs with air, making you even more “floaty.” It will take a bit of practice, but I assure you, everyone can do it. Yes, that includes you.
When I went sailing with friends, I was terrified of how much the sailboat tilted. Cowering in the hull, I would stand and observe the windows become submerged underwater! It felt like we had already sunk but were still somehow riding the waves. The first time out, it felt like torture.
Again, the thing that made the biggest difference, apart from exposure, was someone explaining the whole physics of the sailboat. Namely, its secret weapon — the keel or ballast, located beneath the hull.
The keel helps lower the boat’s center of gravity, providing stability by countering the force of the wind on the sails. This prevents the boat from tipping over. As far as I’m concerned, it’s magic, and it works!
Long story short, you float on water
Yes, like the little turd in the toilet that just won’t go down or a wooden log floating on the river. Or, you know, the giant wooden door in the movie Titanic that was too small for two people for dramatic effect. Anyway, the fact is that your body floats.
You know how to swim — you just forgot
Did you know that all babies can swim? No kidding! Throw a newborn baby into a pool and behold a miracle. Okay, let me recant that — never throw any baby into a pool to see if they can swim! Never! Don’t! Just forget I said that.
Instead, go on YouTube and watch other people do it. I know it’s scary just watching it, but it will prove my point. Babies can swim. Swimming is just as natural as crawling or breathing. Most mammals can swim without ever learning the “how to.” So can you.
There are levels to this shit
Yes, you can probably survive a few minutes kicking and screaming like a baby ruthlessly thrown into the pool, and you’ll probably survive. The problem is it will tire you out.
Swimming “doggy style” (swimming, not “khm!”) will get you from one end of the pool to the other, but if you have to swim for an hour, you won’t make it. It’s just not very efficient.
If you don’t know how to swim, learn the basics
You only really need to learn the “corpse,” I’m sorry, “supine” position, the classic “frog style,” and the “crawl” (both front and back) if you want to go fast while using minimal energy.
You can probably learn it in a day of swimming lessons.
Not to perfection, but you’ll know the basics of breathing and not exerting yourself while swimming. Breathing properly is the key part! After that one day, you’re good for the rest of your life! It’s a worthy investment.
The only way to drown is to panic
I see you gasping with outrage! Calm down. Controversial statement, I’m aware. Let me explain. We’ve now proven that you can
- A — Float like a wooden log.
- B — Hold your breath for minutes at a time.
- C — Swim “doggy style” from when you were a baby.
There simply is no reason for your to drown as long as you keep your shit together.
So why do people drown?
I know the statistics, and yes, people do, in fact, drown. Over 200,000 people are estimated to drown each year around the world. So, how dare I say you can’t drown unless you panic?
Well, if you look at those statistics, you’ll notice that the majority of those deaths are caused by flooding, and most happen in poor regions of the world, where kids spend a lot of time unsupervised in the water. Drowning is most prevalent in children.
So, never let your kids near water without adult supervision, and always keep one eye on them. Kids are kids. They do the stupidest things.
The most you can do for your children, besides keeping an eye on them, which you can’t always do, is to teach them how to survive. Coincidentally, this is your main role in life as a parent. Take it seriously. Teach them:
- How to hold their breath for longer periods.
- How to swim above and below water (freedive).
- Where to swim (not all swimming areas are equal, and there are different dangers they won’t foresee).
- How to rescue someone who is drowning in water (this is important as panicked people can drag their rescuers down with them).
- How not to be an idiot around water (don’t drink alcohol, jump in the water if you don’t know the depth, or venture out on your own).
This brings us back to my point: you almost can’t drown as an adult (kids don’t read my newsletters) unless something goes horribly wrong.
- If you’re healthy, know how to swim, and are dipping in the pool, you’re safe.
- If you’re rafting alone on wild rapids without supervision and protection while drunk and sick, the odds increase astronomically.
“Don’t be an idiot” is always a great guidance principle
Avoid the most obvious dangers, be aware of your skills, surroundings, and medical condition, and there is almost zero chance of you drowning. Leg cramps are a bitch, though.
Panic is a killer
People panic when something surprises them. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing and where. Our instinct, unless trained otherwise, is to panic. Unfortunately, without exception, it is always the wrong instinct!
When we panic, we’re no longer in control:
- We can’t think.
- We can’t operate at our best.
- We can’t make good decisions.
- We’re not rational but instinctual, which is only okay if we have trained our instincts for the situation at hand.
Let’s look at driving as an example
Almost 100% of all people who encounter danger on the road will automatically slam the brakes and hold their breath, staring at the obstacle, praying for a miracle to save their ass. In many really dangerous situations, this is exactly the wrong thing to do. Yet, it is instinctual. All of our safety features are designed to protect us from ourselves and this particular reaction of ours. It’s imperative that you learn and practice the right reactions.
You have to override your instincts and teach your body to react differently. Exposure and practice are key here. It’s no different in water.
If we can stay calm, the odds of drowning go down to nearly zero
Never zero, because shit happens, we can hit our head, a strong current can drag us under, our heart stops, and so on. Keeping your wits about you, you will be aware of your surroundings, focused on breathing, and surviving the situation. Your heartbeat will slow down, and you will put all your intention into what needs to be done.
If you panic, you’re like a chicken without a head
You’ll suddenly forget how to swim, even if you’ve known how to swim for decades. You’ll forget to breathe (and hold breath when appropriate), filling your lungs with water, which is the last thing you want to do. In panic mode, you’re as good as dead. Yes, even in the feet of water.
Fear and panic are the enemies
Train yourself never to panic. Get comfortable with water in safe circumstances. Stay healthy and in good shape. Avoid the big dangers, and don’t be an idiot. It’s not that hard, and you’ve eliminated 99.99% of everything that can go wrong.
In order to avoid the 0.01%, you’d have to never go near water again in your life, so that’s nonsense. A little risk is a part of life. The only way to avoid all risks is to die right this moment, which negates the point.
To conclude — what is there to be scared of then?
- You can’t drown if you know how to swim. Even babies know how to swim.
- You don’t have to know how to swim to stay atop the water because your body floats. Play dead, stretch out, and you’ll effortlessly float like a wooden log.
- You can’t drown if you just hold your breath for minutes at a time. You can even just sort of float with your head underwater while holding your breath, which takes zero skill, and you’ll be fine. Then, take a new breath and repeat. You can do this forever.
- Swimming in five feet of water and five hundred is no different. It’s only the fear of the deep below that makes it more scary and dangerous. Swimming is swimming.
You know nothing, John Snow
“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t know what it’s like to be afraid of water,” I hear you saying. But I do. Despite all that I’ve told you and being an excellent swimmer, I still dislike deep water, especially if I can’t see what is beneath me.
It’s an eerie feeling that just doesn’t go away. I know it’s not logical. I’m aware there is practically zero danger where I swim, but I can’t shake it. I always feel like there is danger from beneath, searching for me and about to drag me down into the abyss. I blame scary shark movies!
Does that mean it’s not worth working on your fear? Is it hopeless?
No. I went from being afraid to enter water deeper than five feet to being able to swim anywhere for as long as I wanted. I enjoyed sailing, surfing, and freediving. I get to experience the joys of water sports, even though I still feel some fear in the background.
It never really goes away, but it became manageable. It doesn’t stop me from living anymore. I don’t exactly live for the water, but I do get to enjoy it. I still test my nerves occasionally and push against the fear I feel rising within. I refuse to give in to my fears!
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Frank Herbert’s Dune
Does that mean I’m a certified “merman” now?
Hell no! The ocean is still my arch-enemy, but at least I now dare to face it and know that I’ll most likely survive most things it can throw at me. I’m still uncomfortable on small boats, including sailboats, in the open or rough seas. I still feel my stomach roll up in a ball when I watch all those fearless sailors battle the waves in the open waters.
Nothing is more frightening to me than being stranded in open water amid a raging storm at night. I still instinctively curl my toes underwater and try to make myself an uninteresting target for the finned maneaters of the world.
Facing your fears is always a worthy challenge
Listen, the odds of you suddenly loving the water after being terrified of it since childhood, especially if there is associated trauma involved, aren’t great. But you can lessen that fear by a huge margin. You can go swimming in calm water and enjoy yourself. You can experience life at sea to a degree, and you’ll be proud of yourself for facing your demons.
- Visualize yourself enjoying the water and being a good swimmer.
- Learn all about buoyancy, holding breath, proper breathing, and swimming techniques.
- Practice in a safe environment and with the help of someone who will push you, but not too much.
- Expose yourself to this fear a little more each time, and see it dissipate, inch by inch.
Optional: Face your worst fear — the worst-case scenario
Dying before you die is the best way to rid yourself of fearing death. Die in the mind, and you will seize fearing to die “in the flesh.”
My first advice when dealing with fears is to go for the jugular — to face the worst-case scenario in the eyes, visualize it, feel it, contemplate it, and then feel the relief of having faced the worst that can happen. It is immensely powerful.
With the fear of drowning, however, this will entail that you visualize dying by drowning. While I’m sure that objectively, this would help you fight your fears immensely, it could be a traumatic experience.
I’ve died a few times in my mind and have gotten rid of the fear of death myself, but I can’t say it was an enjoyable experience. I’ll rely on your judgment if that is something you can handle. When in doubt, skip this one until you feel ready.
Death is the ultimate fear. Face it, accept it, and you’ll be free from most minor fears automatically. But it’s no easy task. You’ve been warned.
I know it’s scary, and I’m proud of you for trying.
I can’t promise you’ll get completely over the fear of water, but I can promise you it’s worth facing your fears. Always! Head on. Don’t let silly, useless fears stop you from living your best life.
If you do, you’re effectively your own villain. Don’t be the villain — be the hero of your tale. The hero always has to face their fears, overcome shortcomings, and grow into the person they eventually become.
I’ve written about facing and eliminating fear and anxiety before
If you’re interested in facing your fears, understanding them, and overcoming them, please read these articles. I hope they help.
- Suffering from Anxiety? Use These 5 Anti-Anxiety Weapons and Free Yourself
We all experience anxiety, but we don’t all know how to fight it and escape its grip. - First Aid for Dealing With Stress, Panic, Fear, and Anxiety
Immediate stress relief: How to regain control after intense emotional episodes? - This One Idea Helped Me Overcome Paralyzing Fear and Anxiety
Would knowing the future make you more, or less afraid of it? Is the future predetermined? - Are You Afraid of Going to The Dentist?
How to make your dentist appointments less scary and painful? Dare we aim for pleasant? - Feeling Scared about the Conflict in Ukraine? Don’t Worry, There’s No Need to be Anxious!
Is an apocalypse going to end the world in a giant ball of fire? — It doesn’t matter! There isn’t a Goddamn thing we can do about it. - How to Deal With a Stressful Situation, Fear, and Anxiety?
What are the key strategies to understand and manage your fears? Face your fear — don’t run away from it! - Anxiety, a Modern Plague Causing Billions To Suffer Needlessly
What is anxiety, and are you helpless when it overwhelms you?
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