Donald Trump for President

I believe Donald J. Trump is the best candidate to become president of the United States. His ideas on immigration, guns and job creation are ingenious.

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The Problem

To echo Yosemite Sam’s cousin Sarah Palin, it has to be all about job creation. Trump is the only candidate who acknowledges America’s unemployment rate of 42 percent. I doubt you’re even aware the country with the second strongest economy in the world has a worse unemployment rate than the Gaza Strip, Kenya and North Korea. That’s ok though, because Trump has a plan.

Guns!

Trump wants to make guns even easier to own. You might be thinking America doesn’t need more shooting victims, but you’re wrong. Instead, America will need many more health care professionals. All people will need to do is attend medical school and they’ll get a job no problem, thus lowering the unemployment rate. So get your cheque-books out parents and start writing your children small million dollar kick starter loans!

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Immigration

Trump plans halting Muslim immigration to fight terrorism, and to build a wall defending America from the criminal Mexicans. This might sound alarming, but it’s actually a great idea. Mexicans and Muslims can and do steal American jobs and incite violence. Keeping them out of America would force the unemployment and violent crime rates down. I don’t think white and black people do bad things to each other, right?. And if you think about it, what good has immigration ever done for America?

Trump wants the Mexican government to pay for his wall. That’s just good business sense on his part. You wouldn’t buy a giant subwoofer for your apartment with your own money right? They’re expensive. You’d make your neighbour pay for it. My cost-cutting suggestion to the Mexican government would be to build the wall out of pure ice. I believe that’s worked elsewhere.

Hair

America needs a president that will make it great again, and Trump fits the bill. But perhaps most importantly of all, America needs a president with amazing hair to compete with Justin Trudeau’s hair. And have you seen Bernie Sanders’ hair?

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What do you think Trump’s best policy ideas are and why?